Frank Luntz Sounds Suicidal. AWESOME!

January 7th, 2014 // 71 Comments
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Despite this being a celebrity tit and dick joke site, I know a lot of you follow politics to the point that you’re probably familiar with Orwellian shitbeast Frank Luntz and his sadly effective brand of conservative doublespeak that has made him a fucking millionaire with six mansions. Six mansions which he’s now sitting around sulking in because no one wants to hire him anymore thanks to Obama tricking America into thinking he’ll pay our mortgages, and not because the Republican party has careened so horribly off of Crazy Mountain that it’s now spending $50 million to make the Tea Party stop saying stupid shit. So below is a link to The Atlantic‘s profile of Luntz’s current depressive state, and even further below that are Kim Kardashian‘s tits because I’m not going to pretend how my sausage is made, or that it doesn’t have a moustache. So spin that, you snake-oil bitch. (Am I talking to Frank or Kim? Let’s go with both.)

The Agony of Frank Luntz – The Atlantic

Photos: Getty / Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Splash News, WENN


  1. Slash

    That he thinks he will be intellectually challenged by Las Vegas says everything we need to know about him (and by extension, the Republican party).

    And what a shock that he blames Obama for the “divisiveness.”

    I think the problem is that Republicans are so stupid, they don’t know what many words actually mean. I think they all need some remedial vocabulary, starting with the word “fact.”

    • Mitch

      Republicans haven’t cornered the market on stupidity. Remember Nancy Pelosi’s brilliant statement,

      “We have to pass Obamacare to find out what’s in it.”

      Think of the millions of “intellectual” democrats who didn’t have enough of a brain in their heads to question that one.

      • Actually, what Pelosi said was,

        “But we have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it, away from the fog of the controversy.” (Emphasis added.)

        Pelosi’s meaning was that once the bill passed, the lies and obfuscations would die down and people would begin to realize that the Affordable Care Act was not the death-paneled, job-killing monstrosity that the Republicans were making it out to be. Which, granted, was wishful thinking, because Republicans just don’t stop lying.

      • No death panels, but I’m not sure I’d be so quick to say it won’t a job-killing monstrosity. And it certainly seems like a hearty disaster so far.

        Personally, I don’t think enough people will sign up to keep it afloat.

      • Mitch

        Whatever Nancy said, I doubt that she knew what was in the bill either. Based on what has transpired since 10/1, the ACA wasn’t clearly thought out by any measure.

      • ‘lying’, like say ‘if you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor, period. If you like your health plan, you can keep your health plan, period.’ Yeah, except for the 800,000 people just here in NJ that got tossed off their health plans.
        Advocating that a massive new set of laws affecting every person and business in the country should be passed without being read and fully understood first is retarded and horrificly irresponsible, so spin that any way you want, it was just stupid. But yeah, Republicans.

      • Mama Pinkus

        that’s the problem with you fox news freaks – you fail to get entire quotes OR context – essentially, you pass on whatever shit they tell you and it lets all thinking people know YOU’RE AN IDIOT

      • Mitch

        I don’t have cable and I don’t watch Fox news.

        Try again Mr. Douche.

      • Slash

        I didn’t say Republicans were the ONLY stupid people. I said they were stupid. Reading comprehension. It’s not that hard.

        Pelosi’s a politician. I’m sure she’s said plenty of stupid shit too, but we weren’t talking about her. We were talking about Luntz.

    • Slash, I agree: the moving to Las Vegas “justification” was absolutely jarring. I can imagine a decent person’s values being challenged in Las Vegas. But one’s intellect?

  2. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tank Top Butt Tight Dress Rodeo Drive
    Commented on this photo:

    She is such a fat pig

  3. yummy

    …your pain and tears are delicious fish. Keep it coming.

  4. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tank Top Butt Tight Dress Rodeo Drive
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF is that?

  5. Deacon Jones

    Maybe these shithead is starting to come to the slow realization that he is one of the people responsible for destroying the political system in our country as we know it.

    And Vegas? I guarantee he’s either a coke-fueled hooker maniac, or a closet femboy cocksucker.

    • Dox

      There are other types of people here you know….
      Like the exploited illegal immigrant population, the scum sucking criminal/politician element, capitalist robber barons are making a comeback, and then there is the serf population too…

  6. Dox

    Ah yes, Las Vegas. Land of Capitalism.
    Where in order to hold a minimum wage job in the city, you will be required to have a TAM card, and a Sheriff’s Card. All of which will total around 200 dollars. (and it goes up every year.) Where people pay sales tax on their car every year for “registration”. Where all of the tax burden is shifted exactly where the corporations want it, on the poor and middle class. While multi billion dollar gambling pays a miniscule portion.

    And for your tax dollars, you get one of the worst school systems in the nation, some of the worst roads in the country, inflated property values (for instance, a condo that sold for 200k pre bubble, sold for 40k post bubble. Hmmmm..)

    Land of graft, corruption, and a stinking cesspit that should probably be nuked from orbit… just to be safe.

    Anyone who uses Las Vegas as anything other than a cautionary tale of what not to do, to run a successful city, is deluding themselves.

    Intellectually challenging…. right.

  7. Aww, did that mean ol’ President Obama beat you & your friends in another Election? Don’t you worry, Las Vegas will make it all better. Just give that nice Mr. Casino owner all your money.

  8. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tank Top Butt Tight Dress Rodeo Drive
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    What a mess. If I was her I would be sobbing in bed all day with an IV of heroin hooked up to me…wait, maybe that’s why she let herself get knocked up by Kayne West

  9. no idea who this asshole is but I don’t get off on absorbing stuff that pisses me off, like books by sarah palin.

    someday you’ll figure out that you are being duped by the blue colored version of the same sadly effective doublespeak.

    • Mitch

      Isn’t it amazing how clueless tards can be blinded by their hatred?

      To actually believe that the democrats (or republicans) are perfect in every way reminds me of the political climate in nazi Germany in the 30′s. Fish would have been blindly leading the SS in their quest eradicate the Jews.

      • ThisWillHurt

        Fish is a genocidal anti-Semite? When did you find the time to build a massive gas chamber between posts about Courtney Stodden’s almost nip-slip?

      • No, but it’s brainwashing all the same.

      • Mitch

        Talk about missing the point entirely, you must be a political junky.

        What I was talking about, for the clueless and brain dead out there, was that Fish blindly follows the democrat party just as many nazi’s blindly followed the National Socialists on the 1930′s. Not thinking for yourself can have terrible ramifications.

        How about we play a game! Fish, (or any of you rabid members of the democrat party) list some of the wonderful things the Obama administration has done for us!

        Feel free to lie to try to get the upper hand.

      • 1. Health Care reform. Whether you like it or not, our healthcare system was broken and needed to be fixed. The Republitards tried everything to block it then break it, which would explain why it’s not as good as it could be.
        2. Got us out of Iraq.
        3. Provided more troops for our Soldiers in Afghanistan(Where they should have been in the first place, but your bot GW underestimated…just like he did in Iraq before the “surge”)
        3.Got Bin Laden…something your dumbass boy could not do.Also, GW pretended like OBL wasn’t a big deal when he was pressed on the issue. Classy.
        4. Reversed GW’s torture policies
        5. Help turn around the economy through the stimulus package and the Fed’s
        6. Turned up the heat on Iran through sanctions(something you guys should be trumpeting)
        7. Expanded Stem Cell research

        He has actually not been that “socialist” in his reaign either. But you rabid ditto heads are too deep up into Glenn Beck’s or Rush’s ass you cant see that. Plenty of Liberals are not happy with how middle of the road or center-right he has been

      • 1. Nothing has been reformed. Just traded one set of problems for another.
        2. All he did was follow a timetable that was already established.
        3. The surge was John McCain’s idea.
        4. Outsourced torture to third parties.
        5. Economy is still weak.
        6. Nothing has changed on Iran, and for all anyone knows they will have a nuke in a year.
        7. Token throw away for his base.

        See how easy lists are.

      • 1. Fixed the economy, balanced the budget.
        2. Ended wholesale internet siphoning and data sniffing
        3. Stopped drone strikes in sovereign nations and those targeting American citizens, who even when buttfucking camels in Yemen do technically have rights.
        4. Closed Guantanamo.
        5. Followed through on “most transparent administration evah” promise.
        6. Stopped bailing out failing corporations that need to fucking fail.
        7. Stopped the federal government from being dick about medical marijuana.

      • I wold think guys like schmidtler would LOVE Obama for NOT following through on these…

      • who are ‘guys like schmidtler’? I wasn’t happy about Clinton getting elected, but, I respected him and appreciated that he had enough sense to do what needed to be done (for the most part) without being a slave to his party’s dogma. Same for Obama. When he’s not pandering to his base by promising he’ll give them bags of money he’ll steal from the voters who don’t support him, he manages to do a few things right. I’m not in the bag for either party, but the dem’s becoming the Robin Hood party – promising to take from the productive people (who don’t vote dem) and give it to those who reliably vote dem will be the death of democracy. Closing Guantanamo would have been stupid – so yes, I give Obama credit for backing off that promise and not stepping right into stupid simply to avoid losing some political credibility. Please stop ascribing your brand of unquestioning devotion to your party’s dogma to me.

      • Liam McPoyle, your points are all opinion. RoboZombie posted facts.

      • Mitch

        1. Health Care reform? You really need to climb out from under that rock you are hiding under because health care is anything but reformed. Do some basic research and get back to us. If you need help, I can direct you to a 6 year old who can help you. If the goal of health care reform was to increase the cost for everyone except those who refuse to work and contribute to society, then yeah, it is a huge success. Bravo for you, RoboZombie (appropriate name for a brain dead liberal).

        2. Got us out of Iraq? We still have thousands of troops in Iraq (a friend of mine was deployed two months ago for a six month tour) and the number of “contractors” (ie: Blackwater has increased by the thousands. Sure, troops are off the books so to speak and now your tax dollars are going to pay someone 20 times as much to do the same job. That’s how Obama draws down the troop level while still deploying Americans into that hellhole.

        3. More troops in Afghanistan? Oh really, please elaborate on that.

        4. Got Bin Laden – He sure did but only under duress. He was desperate for something to campaign on in 2012 since everything else he tried failed.

        5. Turn around the economy??? I want some of what you’ve been smoking. We have more unemployed Americans since the great depression. If you think that is turning around the economy I have some land to sell you in Florida.

        6. Turned up the heat on Iran? Through sanctions???? There’s that rock again. Obama has been cutting back on sanctions against Iran for months and what did they say just today? Oh yeah – the Iranian MP was quoted, “We need nuclear bomb to put Israel in it’s place.

        7. Stem cell research? I know nothing about stem cells other than research gets a lot of liberals and conservatives panties in a wad, yours included apparently.

        I’m surprised that you didn’t claim that he closed Gitmo, of course you were probably watching Jersey Shore that day. Personally, I think the republicans and the democrats are both failures as parties and couldn’t spell their names correct if they didn’t have spell check.

        Idiots like you just stall any progress. Congrats on your contribution to the world, your irresponsible parents should have considered an abortion prior to your arrival.

      • SenseAndSensibility

        I had to read portions of this drivel twice to ensure that you are, indeed, the idiot you portray yourself to be. Among my favorites:

        4. “Got Bin Laden – He sure did but only under duress. He was desperate for something to campaign on in 2012 since everything else he tried failed.” Ah. Well, everywhere you go, there you are. Only Barack Obama’s desperation for a second term was powerful enough to ignite the inspiration and commitment required to get on out there and catch the big fella. Heck, it wasn’t like he was hiding. I personally had had it up to right about here ^ with bin Laden’s mug being plastered all over the gossip sites, but when a guy puts himself out there like that, what’s a paparazzo to do?. Always the show off, that one.

        5. “Turn around the economy??? I want some of what you’ve been smoking. We have more unemployed Americans since the great depression.” Now you’ve definitely got a point there. Because during the depression, the US population was 123,000,000. Today it’s 320,000,000. Now math was never my strong suit, but even I can see that the 2nd number is MUCH bigger than the 1st. So simply by virtue of the population growth, even at our lowest unemployment percentage we’re going to have more unemployed people than there were during the Depression.

        I’d go on, but I won’t. I’d like to extend my heartiest congratulations, however, on taking Obama-hatred to an entirely new dimension of buffoonery.

      • Mitch

        I single-handedly took Obama hatred to a new dimension of buffoonery??? Why thank you sir, I take that as an immense compliment! However I will have you know that I hate the republicans as much as that assclown Obama.

        I would love to hear your sexy-love novel about the joys of the democrat party. Maybe Rahm Emmanuel giving it to Barack with a strap-on while Michelle and Oprah watch intently.

        Please take it from there oh intelligent one!

      • as a percentage of the total population, there are less people with jobs now than there were in the 1930′s. Don’t let that fact stink up your joy ride up your glorious infallible leader’s ass chute though.

      • “Not thinking for yourself can have terrible ramifications” says the man drawing parallels between supporters of our current administration and the FUCKING NAZI PARTY! I wasn’t a big fan of our last president and and don’t care too much for this one, but honestly, is gaining some perspective that hard? You’re comparing genocide to oranges. How can you honestly expect to be taken seriously?

        You know who are just like the Nazis? Fucking Nazis. End of list.

      • Mitch

        Wow, just wow. Are you Obama junkies seriously this clueless?

        What I was comparing was not similarities between the Obama administration and the Nazi party in 1930′s Germany. I was comparing some supporters of the Obama administration and the supporters of the Nazi party in 1930′s Germany.

        A lot of otherwise good people were brainwashed into following a charlatan and forgetting to use their brains and think for themselves.

        Based on your total inability to comprehend a basic statement, it’s no wonder Obama sucked so many of you clueless bastards in with his great oratory skills.

      • OK Mr. Semantics, it’s the “supporters” you were drawing a parallel to. The problem is when you put words in a sentence in a certain order, that will convey a certain meaning. Generally people refer to supporters of the Democratic Party as Democrats (assuming that it’s in a roomful of grownups). It was silly of me to think of supporters of the Nazi Party as Nazis. How could I ever have inferred that from the words you wrote?

      • Mitch

        Well Uncle Phil, it’s because you read my post and took what you wanted from it, clearly not what I meant.

        The fact is that politicians on both side of the aisle are leading us into destruction. Anyone who blindly follows either party needs their f*cking heads examined. Bush was a failure. Obama is a failure. Hillary will be a failure.

  10. CrashHell

    “I’ve had a headache for six days now, and it doesn’t go away,” …

    Based on this, I think I have the problem nailed down…Brain Tumor. The rest of the article validates my diagnosis. My perscription for you Lutz, is to start drinking heavily, attempt to put your head over your belly and between your legs, and kiss your arse GOODBYE!

    …and yes, I know his name is “Luntz”, but he reminds me of Lutz on 30 Rock. Bet he is a mouth breather too…

  11. Mitch

    The simple fact is that BOTH parties suck and are overflowing with scumbags and liars and BOTH parties share in the failure that this country has become.

    To post this kind of drivel and attempt to place the blame on conservatives alone just proves how clueless the owner of this once entertaining website really is.

    • My gripe with Fish’s name calling screeching rants has always been pretty much exactly what Luntz said was what he perceived as the problem with voters today in his interview –
      “They want to impose their opinions rather than express them”
      Funny Fish seems to have spent more time commentating on that short article than he did actually reading it. Or, he read it and simply failed to comprehend the point of what he read, and skipped giddily right to the part where he mocks the subject for being fat, because every thoughtful person knows that’s what’s important.

    • Yes both parties have issues.
      One however has let the crazies take control and its the republicans.
      Most lilteapots cannot even tell you what the Boston tea party was against.
      Heck I bet without google you couldn’t either.
      And its willful ignorance to claim both parties have done as much damage to the country.
      I know those pesky facts you want to ignore.

    • I would almost agree, if it weren’t for all the government shutdowns, fiscal cliffs and the downgrading of our credit rating brought on by the inability of ONE party to compromise.
      Democrats have never done anything remotely as asinine as this.

      • Mitch

        At this point, I’d like to see the government shut down permanently. They are totally incompetent and we deserve exactly what we voted for. Let it get down to survival of the fittest – the grocery stores will be empty in a matter of days and and the majority of the country (the stupid, the lazy and the incompetent public) will be dead within a week.

        Best thing that could ever happen to the USA and likely the only thing that will save it.

      • you obviously were satisfied with believing the dem’s talking points that it was all the fault of those nasty republicans, who – gasp – wanted some end game for the massive deficit spending before they agreed to up congress’ credit card limit yet again. The dem’s came right out and said they refused to compromise on entitlement spending or anything else that would actually matter, and that the only thing they would agree to is an extension of the debt ceiling with no conditions attached. So now, who was it that refused to compromise? You prove Mitch’s point – you (robozombie) do nothing but regurgitate the bullshit your dem party leaders tell you, without any bother at all to learn the truth or even question what you’re told.

  12. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tank Top Butt Tight Dress Rodeo Drive
    Commented on this photo:

    *FIXED* Kim Kardashian escaping from the Rodeo in Beverly Hills.

  13. ThisWillHurt

    I know, like most comedians, that Patton Oswald has been struggling with depression for years now. Do you really need to add insult to injury by delighting in his suicide? He has so much more to give as an artist. Leave him alone!

  14. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tank Top Butt Tight Dress Rodeo Drive
    Commented on this photo:

    fat…just fat

  15. cory

    Frank Luntz? Really Fish? You’re that desperate to spew some more liberal bile? I actually thought you’d have your panties in a bunch over AJ McCarron’s Mom mocking the illiterate thug. Plus you could use it as an excuse to show some Katherine Webb T&A instead of Kowdashian.

  16. …whenever i saw this guy on “real time” i always got the strong impression that even he did’nt buy his own bullshit, he was just a whore who’d found his niche …the fact that he’s looking toward vegas pretty much confirms my suspicions.

  17. blerg

    As an ex-employee of Market Strategies Inc. (we used to do all the RNC’s wet work) nothing would please me more than to read about this shitbag swan-diving from a tall casino.

  18. an article on the superficial about frank lulz and not a single lol about the hairpiece??

  19. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tank Top Butt Tight Dress Rodeo Drive
    Commented on this photo:


  20. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tank Top Butt Tight Dress Rodeo Drive
    Commented on this photo:

    How many asses does this pig have??!!

  21. Smapdi

    Sorry, all I got out of the story was that he’s a middle-aged schlub having a mid-life crisis. And The Superficial has introduced me to more conservative ideologues than I would have ever found if left to my own. Could you stop that please?

  22. Hmm, so running your party in a racist, sexist, hate mongering way is not working out for you. I know the solution, promote token minorities like Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio and Bobby Jindal, hmm still not working, I know, adopt a black baby, that’s got to work now.

  23. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tank Top Butt Tight Dress Rodeo Drive
    Commented on this photo:


    ” i don’t use photoshop” lol .

  24. Ironballs McGillicutty

    I was about to start another rant of TITS! TITS! TITS! TITS! but then you threw out “Orwellian shitbeast” and you know what….I’m gonna let this one slide, fish.

  25. Like or hate Luntz, he seems most depressed by the seeming appearance that more and more of the population, younger in particular seem to be heading down the road to feeling entitled to far more than one should be in life and that we have political retards on both sides just willing to shovel that shit to keep the happy. That should depress most people politics aside.

  26. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tank Top Butt Tight Dress Rodeo Drive
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey you two! If you can’t settle down, we’re going home right now!”

  27. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tank Top Butt Tight Dress Rodeo Drive
    Mama Pinkus
    Commented on this photo:

    she keeps showcasing what has become her worst feature

  28. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tank Top Butt Tight Dress Rodeo Drive
    Commented on this photo:

    ok I forget, why is she famous again?

  29. PassingTrue

    Never really noted Frank Lintz beyond the focus group tracking where he’d see which words and phrases from politicians tracked well (or badly) with voting groups. I was surprised that he felt that he’d been ineffective at actually steering voters because I never got the sense that it was his objective (apparently not very good at that). Classic case of nobody knowing what you’re selling or is interested in buying.
    I’ve got a couple college degrees in poli sci and public admin and about 30 years in and out of government so I’m reasonably able to separate spin from reality.
    Fortunately, the upcoming year will show that neither party has a corner on crazy. Can’t wait!

  30. VisibleName

    “Frank Luntz Sounds Suicidal. AWESOME!”

    Remember kids, Progressives are sympathetic people who just want everyone to be safe and happy. You know, unless they are cheering for someone to commit suicide…


  31. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Tank Top Butt Tight Dress Rodeo Drive
    Commented on this photo:


  32. Oprah Sucks

    The reason Frank Luntz doesn’t “get it” is the same reason the Republican party doesn’t “get it”. The problem with conservatives is that they look at things as winning or losing. The point of Occupy Wall Street wasn’t to “win”. Wall Street, unlike The Tea Party, was a rag tag band that had no organizing power-unlike the tea party-which were organized by citizens for prosperity, among others. Occupy was the warning shot, which, under organizing bodies, will become a revolutionary force. the tea party, on the other hand, has become a joke that has become a Frankenstein, threatening to destroy it’s creator. Luntz’ problem isn’t Obama. Luntz’ problem is Luntz. His focus groups just do not reflect america anymore, and they haven’t for a decade. He simply can’t blame someone else for his lack of knowledge on current trends.

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