Foxy Brown goes to jail

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Rapper Foxy Brown is being sent to jail today for violating her probation. People Magazine provided these details:

Last week, Brown surrendered to police on charges that she assaulted her Brooklyn neighbor with her BlackBerry device. Then, just one day after her surrender, police in Mahwah, N.J., pulled the rapper over after she was spotted talking on her cell phone while driving her 2007 Land Rover. Officers cited her for talking on the phone and failing to stop at a stop sign. In addition, Brown gave police officers a false birth date and a variation of her name. Forced to admit her real identity, police reportedly learned that the musician was driving with a suspended license. Her Land Rover’s registration also had been suspended.

In a Pulitzer-prize winning maneuver, People tried to give this cloud a silver lining:

Yet despite all of her legal troubles, Brown has made headlines of another sort: She apparently announced that she’s pregnant, the New York Post reports. According to the paper, the rapper was seen shopping at a New York City Bed, Bath & Beyond, where she said, “I’m getting married in September. I’m pregnant.”

I swear to God the mission statement for People has to read: “Give every story a fairy-tale ending or housewives will stop reading us.” They could report on global terrorism and the story would end with a princess kissing Osama Bin Laden in a cottage made of cupcakes. Of course, this probably isn’t the case, because housewives can’t read. But it’s fun to pretend, isn’t it?