We Found The Golddigger Mecca
Italian entrepreneur/black diamond specialist/guy who really loves 80s sunglasses Fawaz Gruosi celebrated his 60th birthday last night at The Billionaire Club in Sardinia which apparently sent out a goddamn clarion call to every golddigger on the planet because, Christ, was this thing stacked. Legend has it some of them even stopped spending rich dudes’ money as their eyes flashed green causing them to take flight. Hell, Gianluca Vacchi escaped a prison camp from the future, and didn’t even bother to change that’s how quickly he wanted to be there. Sixty years from now, his fellow prisoners will recall him yelling into his golden armband, “Open the time portal, cyborg butler. There’s pussy to be had!” before watching him vanish, his laser pick axe falling to the ground like a discarded model whose lack of nutrition leaves her prone to fainting spells post-coitus, a phrase he used often. Perhaps a little too often seeing as most of these men’s last lover was a moon rock named Lucille.