Nobody Wants To Buy A Necklace Full of Farrah Abraham’s DNA? Get Out

“What if I squirt my butt into a tennis bracelet?!”

It’s been a shitty time in America, so here’s a glimmer of hope for the future. Nobody’s stupid enough to pay cash money for a necklace with Farrah Abraham’s DNA in it, so we might just make it after all. Barely, by the skin of our teeth, and then probably fuck it all up at the last minute, but I’ll take it. TMZ reports:

Celebrity Gene put Farrah’s liquified DNA inside a necklace and put it on the market four months ago with part of the proceeds going to charity, but claims NOT ONE PERSON purchased the stuff.
We obtained the scathing letter CG’s publicity company, ZTPR, fired off severing ties with the “Backdoor Teen Mom.” It says Farrah “would much rather talk about your female body parts in order to generate more profits for yourself” rather than charity.

Turns out Farrah was so deeply concerned about fighting sex trafficking that she never once promoted the charity sale and instead pimped the hell out of her unholy fuck doll because someone has to put $1,400 under her kids pillow from the Tooth Fairy. Then again, if people are busy plowing an MTV star’s rubber anus, they’re probably not having sex with a sex slave. For at least three-to-five minutes. Rome wasn’t un-butt-sexed in a day.

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