Farrah Abraham Found Legitimate Acting Work, Good Feelings Gone

Dear Casting Aficionado at Days of Our Lives,

Exactly eight days ago I created what’s called a CMP, the fancy little button widget in the right hand side of this post, titled “There’s Hope For The World” because at the time there was hope for the world thanks to Teen Mom turned porn star Farrah Abraham’s reality show being cancelled.

You have stolen that hope from the world.

According to Hollywood Life, you allegedly watched Farrah’s audition tapes and said to yourself, “Now there’s the perfect person to play Hooker #3: Destiny even though this butthose literally had the balls to audition for a lead part. Seriously, a lead part? Her last production was pretending her first dates start with anal, and no one believed it. Though secretly they wanted to because imagine such a world…”

So, listen, there’s a way things work, and those ways are Farrah Abraham doing porn then plummeting straight into obscurity and/or dying of AIDS. In either order. Instead, you’ve validated her every squirt, and I don’t want to hear that five years down the road she really will be a hooker named Destiny anyway because now you’ve affected the time stream. I can’t even step outside now because Hitler could be a mailman, so thank you for that.

Hail President Dinosaur!

- The Superficial

UPDATE: Good work.

Photo: Splash News