Everyone Wants to Stab Paris

December 21st, 2010 // 52 Comments

Coming less than 90 days after a double-knife-wielding intruder broke into her house with the holiest of intentions, Paris Hilton‘s flight was evacuated this morning after a knife was found on board, according to her Twitter:

We were about to take off then security made everyone deplane because they found a big knife on board the plane. Scary that it got on plane.

However, TMZ reports the “knife” in question was nothing more than a box-cutter belonging to the airline, which is exactly the excuse I would use. Well played. That being said, how hard can it be to kill a celebrity these days? I mean, c’mon, Mark David Chapman killed John Lennon before there was even an Internet. Now? You don’t even have to do guesswork. “Oh, look, Paris tweeted she’s at Pinkberry. I guess I’ll shoot her in the face there.” It’s literally that simple and will make the voices stop. I’d never lie to a crazy person.

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. Paris Hilton
    Elle
    Commented on this photo:

    “just making sure my herpes are covered…hmm, close enough”

  2. Stab her, throw her off a cliff, tie raw meat to her and throw her in a tank full of tiger sharks, take her on a joy ride thru Compton one night and let her ass out…oh…the list just goes on and on..

    • Personally I’d like to see her race on her own motorcycle team.

    • Let me add to the list:

      Tie a rope around her ankles and drag her from behind a Range Rover while driving through the African Savannah and let the Lions and Hyena’s pick away at her carcass, Send her to Tora Bora as a peace offering to Osama Bin Laden who will kill her instantly, exile her to Russia where she can have a successful singing career a la David Hasselhoff in Germany but where we will never hear from her again, send her bungee jumping but forget to attach the bungee cord, force her to take conjugal visits with Charles Manson and let Chuck know he can do ANYTHING he wants with her …

    • Manda

      Oi, oi now! Feeding her to animals would only infect the animals with the vicious strains of herpes that contaminate her cesspool of a ‘body’ if you can even call what she has a body anymore, I believe it’s closer to an amorphous blob now than anything else.

  3. You are finally doing God’s work, Fish…

  4. Mortimer Duke

    I hope someone finally succeeds, and not just with their cock this time.

  5. Cardinal Fang

    Istill think she’s hot no matter whose cock, and the number of them, has been in her.

  6. Weiner Dog

    Chapman shot Lennon, not stabbed.

  7. abe vigoda's eyebrows

    I for one, would LOVE to see her die a horribly long, drawn out painful death.

  8. joe blow

    John Lennon was SHOT, not stabbed, you stupid motherfucker.

    • ballbush

      Where does it say otherwise?? “c’mon, Mark David Chapman killed John Lennon before there was even an Internet.” Nothing about stabbing there.

      • joe blow

        Uh…. ever heard of editing?

        The Fish-douche edited the post after his hilarious eror was pointed out… and not just by me:

        *******************************************************
        Weiner Dog | December 21, 2010 at 3:07 pm Chapman shot Lennon, not stabbed.
        *******************************************************

    • How my dictate

      NTT is that you? Try the sylvan learning center for some basic reading comprehension you ding dong

  9. trousers

    More realistically, let;s just hope she gains 40 pounds and we never have to hear about her again

    • If she gains 40 pounds she will suddenly start advocating Big Beautiful Rights … so not only will she still be in the public eye, she will be annoying repulsive, and overweight while wearing slutty garments….

  10. CptCreep

    Finally, the Terrorists are giving back.

  11. Paris Hilton
    DumbWhore
    Commented on this photo:

    Putting glitter on one of her herpes shouldn’t count as fashion.

  12. Paris Hilton
    DumbWhore
    Commented on this photo:

    She needs anal bleaching done to her pits.

  13. Jesus, people! Don’t you realize what would happen to us ALL if her blood got outside her body? That’s like showing your disdain for nuclear weapons by beating a warhead with a sledgehammer.

  14. Facebook me

    What is with the dudes behind her wearing the shade make-up as her?

  15. Facebook me

    Duh! I meant to add “same’

  16. Scott

    The Superficial… you’ve already read it on TMZ, but now with more jokes!!

  17. Facebook me

    I just looked at the photos and wonder is this some 3rd world country that worships her?!

    In photo #4 – 2 bottoms sitting on her stage – does she shove them up her twat?

    Photo #5 – Looks like someone got smart and threw one at her

    Photo #11 – Looks like her “Fake Bake” went wrong, her armpits look dirty.

  18. RoboZombie

    She’s a hideous hunch-backed freak!

  19. Sternac

    Who is she? And what makes her famous?

  20. Dankin

    Jesus fucking christ. They do everything short of sexually molesting you before you board a plane and yet a fucking box cutter is getting onto planes. Who the hell is using all these box cutters?? Do they not have scissors where you land? They do the same damn thing.

  21. Siobhan F

    Heeeey weren’t those guys in the Bananarama video Venus?

  22. What a dumbass...

    Why people allow this sick fucked up whore to live out her “I’m better than you” fantasies is beyond me. She’s stupid, she’s ugly, she’s fucked up her family name. I can’t think of 1 redeeming quality for this whore…

    • dumbass

      here you go – no matter what she does, it is an absolute guarantee that one day, she will die.

    • Dan

      The thing is, we keep talking about her. That is enough to make her some money and keep her doing what she is doing.

  23. Siobhan F

    Odd time to be using mouth spray.

  24. she was sitting on a lump of coal but that toxic vajay works wonders!

  25. The Judas Chair is considered torture by most people, but Paris actually looks to be enjoying it.

  26. Nikki

    The gift that keeps on giving.

  27. Paris Hilton
    M.
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks pregnant *-)

  28. jojo

    Knife, spoon, spork, somebody just cut this thing, please.

  29. noooooooo

    That’s not a knife, THIS IS A KNIFE. /shank dawww one can only dream.

  30. Paris Hilton
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Look at the adoration.
    It’s goddamned bewildering to me.

  31. still just an attention whore

    “Coming less than 90 days after a double-knife-wielding intruder broke into her house”

    Wasn’t it latter determined that the guy was paid by some of Cy’s people to try and break in?

  32. Paris Hilton
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    She keeps getting booked for paying gigs.
    People somewhere actually WANT her.
    I can’t explain this; I’m baffled.

  33. Andre

    Man, Daniel Craig really looks like he hit rock bottom back there. Fucking show business.

  34. one legged

    i was real close to stabbing perez near the drake in toronto

    it is a criminal

  35. Paris Hilton
    Anita Bonghit
    Commented on this photo:

    Shes gaining.

  36. s'up bitches

    Is this chick singing or trying to pick her nose? Seriously, I thought this skank was over in the states. She can’t even get the paps to follow her. Even after she staged that drug bust. What the hell is this bitch going to do in ten years when even Europe dries up? Suicide in a Motel 6? One can only hope.

  37. Pangulin

    See what happens when she isn’t invited to a celebrity wedding…she goes all “nut job” and has someone hide a knife on her plane….got to stay in the limelight somehow! Too bad they didn’t hide the knife in plain sight,in her!

  38. wim

    a very long & painful death.
    THAT’S WHAT SHE NEEDS……

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