Evander Holyfield: ‘Homosexuality Can Be Fixed By A Doctor, Like A Handicap’

January 6th, 2014 // 66 Comments
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“Damn, girl, you’re like a tracheotomy.”

If there’s one phenomenon that always leaves me scratching my head, it’s African-Americans being anti-gay because of The Bible. The very same Bible that’s been historically used to say it’s okay to lynch them for existing in general and/or deny them basic human rights up to and including owning like them property. Yet here’s Evander Holyfield telling his UK Celebrity Big Brother castmate that homosexuals can just walk into a doctor’s office and be “fixed” like it’s a goddamn hernia. TMZ reports:

Holyfield made the comments Sunday — during his first week in the BB house — when reality star Luisa Zissman asked him if there were any gay boxers in the sport.
Holyfield — a deeply religious Christian –cited the bible and said homosexuality is NOT a choice … but rather something like a “handicap” … something doctors can fix.

I’d make a joke that perhaps being black is something that a doctor can fix except I just remembered Michael Jackson literally tried just that and almost pulled it off once you look past the fatal addiction to anesthesia and millions of dollars in child molestation settlements. Small hiccups.

Photo: WENN

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  1. Evander Holyfield has a baseball teams’ worth of kids with like, 5 different women. A true Christian.

    • well, the Bible does says something about ‘be fruitful and multiply’, which, in Holyfield’s defense, could be misread as saying ‘go forth and multiply like fruitflies’. Especially after you’ve spent 20 years or so being punched in the head.

      • Johnny Barbells

        …yeah, i know i’m way late, and i know this is a response to a discussion that takes place a little further down, but, i wanted to add my 2 cents because no one was pointing this out …yeah, schmidtler, the bible HAS been used as justification for slavery AND racism against blacks for centuries …all you have to do is google “sons of ham” or “the curse of ham” to see where it stems from …here’s a couple quotes to start you off:

        from the Mormon church (1958):
        “We know the circumstances under which the posterity of Cain (and later of Ham) were cursed with what we call Negroid racial characteristics.”
        Jehovah’s Witnesses publication (1929):
        “The curse which Noah pronounced upon Canaan was the origin of the black race.”
        New York Times article (2003):
        “By the 19th century, many historians agree, the belief that African-Americans were descendants of Ham was a primary justification for slavery among Southern Christians.”

        …Noah put a curse on Ham and all his descendants that they were destined to be slaves, and it’s traditionally believed that black people are the “children of Ham” (and/or one of the lost tribes of isreal, ie; lost in america) …one of the main ways american slave-traders were able to keep selling folks on the idea of slavery, LONG after europe had abolished the institution, was to sell people on the idea that slaves were godless savages, they had no soul, they had no belief in god, therefore slavery was’nt wrong…and they often used the biblical story of Noah, Ham & his sons as their justification …some old crackas from the south STILL use that shit as their justification to this day.

        …THAT is what ‘fish was saying …and he was correct.

        …i’m a black guy, and i grew up in a very “urban” section of the “inner city”, and yes, homophobia is commonplace in the black community, and yes, the bible is always used as the single justification for it, and yes, i too have often found myself infuriated with my black brothers & sisters for being bigoted against gays, or ANYONE for that matter, because i feel that we, OF ALL PEOPLE, should vehemently eschew any kind of prejudice or bigotry …but, like ‘fish said; it’s the bible, so…

  2. So gay people get to park right next to the store entrance?

    • Not all stores Liam. They can park close to the door at Bed Bath and Beyond, and Structure. But not Bass Pro Shop and Walmart.

      The rules are crazy but I don’t write ‘em.

  3. You know what a doctor can’t cure? Dementia pugilistica.

  4. j/k

    “African-Americans being anti-gay because of The Bible”

    WTF using a stereotype to talk about people stereotyping. I guess you forgot all about the Duck Dynasty dude.

    I hate it when people make AMERICAN problems African-American problems.

    • If you read the words directly after those words, you’d understand that I’m highlighting irony and not directly attributing homophobia to African Americans after I spent all of Christmas harping on Duck Dynasty which I very clearly didn’t forget seeing as it’s linked right there in the post.

      It’s called “context.” Try it sometime.

      • To be fair, there actually is an enormous stigma towards homosexuality in the African-American community (part of which can be attributed to religion).

      • Brian

        Exactly, I seem to remember a statistic that something like 70-80 percent of African Americans who voted for Obama also voted yes on Prop 8 here in California (Anti gay marriage for those of you who don’t know). Everybody has gotta hate somebody I guess.

      • Homophobia is rampant in most black communities. I guess they think the existence of gay men somehow challenges their masculinity or something? I don’t know. Whenever I try having this conversation with other black men they just start yelling bible quotes and repeating the same tired shit about sin and Sodom & Gommorah. No progress is made.

        I guess the idea of treat others the way you’d want to be treated goes out the window when the person is “sinful”. I’d like to ask these people a question. If your best friend or a family member who you’d lay your life on the line for without a moment’s hesitation, revealed themselves to be gay. what would you do?

        Would you abandon/disown them? A second ago, you would’ve died for this person.

      • Homophobia is rampant among all people that suffer from believing their own gay urges are sinful.

      • So true, McBeef. So true. I always say that the loudest voice in the anti-gay rally is a self-hating closeted gay man.

      • so you know in the context of a book written around 2,000 years ago, the institution of slavery based on race which did not occur until the 16th century was not a part of that older book, right? It’s called history. Try reading up on some of it sometime.
        Slavery in biblical times was not based on race. You fought a war, you took prisoners as slaves. All races were enslaved, and in fact still are. There’s more people being held as slaves right now than at any other point in human history.

      • No fucking shit it was a different type of slavery. That still doesn’t change the fact that Bible verses about slaves obeying their masters were used to justify the enslavement of blacks in America and to counter abolitionists. What you brought up is entirely irrelevant and pure deflection.

      • I disagree – what you wrote says the bible is to be blamed for the plight of africans being enslaved in the 16th-19th centuries, as if their plight was any different than that of any other group which has been subject to enslavement throughout history. It’s not. If you didn’t intend what you actually wrote to be an indictment of the bible as the cause of enslavement of the african peoples in particular, why mention them specifically? My point is, there’s nothing unique or special about the africans being slaves, as opposed to any other group, and slavery in biblical times was considered perfectly normal (as it is right now in many other cultures). I’ll agree with you that morons can find some thing or another in the vast expanse of hosrshittery that is the bible to try and justify their horseshit.

      • Have you asked yourself why the all loving god would allow/endorse or be completely silent about slavery, schmidtler? If he was what they he is he’d outright condemn it.

      • I guess I’m not seeing shmidtler’s defense of god, slavery, or evander holyfield…

      • Kimmykimkim

        Beef, why do you even waste your time reading anything that schmidler says? I’ve tried but I just can’t. It’s like trying to reason with a retarded doorknob.

      • meh. he’s usually got a point in there somewhere. usually. and that point is often that the fish is full of high grade shit.

      • No, I have not asked that question, just as I have never pondered why the great constellation of stars in the sky that looks like a crab hasn’t granted me my birthday wishes for ponies and unicorns.
        My philosophy in general is that we are all on our own. Religion was a useful tool to keep vast populations of uneducated people struggling for survival in line well enough that civil society could function in a manner which allowed their rulers to keep them under control. I also believe that no matter how much I think I know or how smart I may think I am, I don’t know everything, never will, and I may in fact simply be a delusional moron who actually knows nothing at all, so I try to remember that when others express views I disagree with. What irritates me is when someone is so convinced of their own point of view, they resort to labeling everyone who disagrees with them as stupid, racist or some other derogatory name. It is entirely possible for two different people to view the exact same set of facts and circumstances and arrive at entirely different conclusions, at least as far as matters of opinion.
        All that said, I have performed the requisite ritual chanting to my crab constellation god to put a pox on you, so watch your ass!

      • I agree with your view on religion’s purpose in history. And there’s nothing wrong with anyone expressing their beliefs. We have freedom of speech and we should use it. The problem lies with people whose archaic beliefs deny certain members of society their human rights.

        Religious people could preach their bullshit all day, just keep it out of the laws, please. I’m directing this at the homophobes out there. How does somebody being gay affect your life? It fucking doesn’t. You just want to ostracize a segment of the population because they’re different than you.

        Btw, I believe in the flying spaghetti monster. It shits all over your crab constellation god.

      • why should one group with the view that they’re somehow entitled to have their behavior (which has fairly consistently been deemed ‘sinful’ or deviant) treated as equally legally valid as what is generally and historically accepted as ‘normal’? There’s lots of deviant behaviors whose practitioners would love nothing more than to have their behaviors granted legal validity. Why are we satisfied with going this far (monogamous homosexual relations) but no farther? Why are we ok with denying the mormons their ‘rights’ to practice polygamy (which has a very long history of being acceptable both legally and morally in many cultures, including the present times), but incensed at the idea that monogamous homosexuals are being ‘denied’ a ‘right’ that has only begun to be considered by some to be valid within the past few decades? Someone being gay doesn’t affect me at all. Deviant behaviors being recast as legally and morally valid undermines the beliefs of many people who look to their faith as a guiding force of morality in the world. I personally believe that anything consenting adults want to do with their lives should be their own business and nobody else’s, presuming they aren’t actually infringing on anyone else’s valid and tangible rights. I don’t think gays should be ostracized, but they have already been ostracized historically – so, if they’re going to be un-ostracized, how about all the other groups considered deviant, why aren’t they also granted legitimacy? I’m irked by the homosexuals condemning polygamists at the same time they’re crying about being denied what they see as their ‘rights’. And yes, they (generally) make it a point to counter the anti gay marriage people’s ‘throwing the door wide open’ arguments by insisting they (gays) would never consider expanding the definition of marriage beyond including homosexuals in monogamous relationships. So, it’s ok to discriminate, as long as it’s against someone else. It’s hard for me to sympathize with the cause of those who are themselves just fine and dandy with denying the same rights to others.
        Flying spaghetti monster seems as legit as anything else. Would this religion of yours allow me to leave work early on Fridays or get some extra days off? If so, please forward any indoctrination materials.

      • Homosexuality is not a new thing. Not even close. Before Christianity showed up it was pretty normal for men to engage in homosexual activity in places like Greece and Rome. Only a certain 2 branches of the Abrahamic religions have this hate-on for gays.

        That argument of “if we allow gay marriage, what’s to stop a man from marrying a dog? Where’s the line?” is bullshit. Can an animal consent to sex/marriage with a human? No, it can’t. I also agree that what 2 adults consent to do together is their own business as long as they’re not endangering anybody else or infringing on someone else’s rights.

        Another common argument against gay marriage is wanting to protect “the sanctity of marriage” LOL! What the fuck is that? There is nothing sacred about marriage, especially not in America. With the over 50% divorce rate, no fault divorce, corrupt as hell family courts and crazy alimony laws. Not to mention paternity fraud by unscrupulous women to trap a man into marriage and by the time he finds out it’s not his, it’s too late. The courts will force you to pay for that child. Straight people have been wiping their asses with the institution of marriage for years. It’s gay people’s turn now.

        I don’t know anything about polygamy.

      • browny

        Way to go with the misogyny, dude. Women are out to trap men into fatherhood?
        Gays are all pure as the driven snow. Your bias is showing.

      • I love it when people call you a misogynist for pointing out that women do bad things too. Whoever said gays were saints? The only bias here is yours.

      • cmonreally

        “why should one group with the view that they’re somehow entitled to have their behavior (which has fairly consistently been deemed ‘sinful’ or deviant) treated as equally legally valid as what is generally and historically accepted as ‘normal’?”

        –Why the Christly fuck do you care? Who gives a shit what one person likes to find in the underwear of their adult, consenting partner? To quote Louis CK, they aren’t touching dicks in front of your face, and they aren’t having sex on your front lawn while you’re trying to mow it. It consists of two human, same sex, consenting adults who happen to have taken an interest in each other, maybe even love each other, and would like to express that in a physical sense. There is no difference, in the most basest form, between a heterosexual and a homosexual relationship. The only difference is that, for one of the aforementioned relationships, a large group of people want to punish you legally for your happiness, and would probably just kill you if it wasn’t illegal. That’s the reason people should shut the hell up about being anti-gay: it doesn’t affect you, it doesn’t affect your chances of going to Fuckall after you die, and it doesn’t infringe upon any of your rights.

        Polygamy issue: Marriage is a legal action, requiring legal documentation, paperwork, and organizing. All government employees are the lazy, so they keep people limited to one marriage so that they can Candy Crush for 90% of their work day. Therefore, it is illegal (I actually don’t know this one, but I am going to go with multiple marriages = multiple tax breaks).

    • j/k

      I still stand by what I said. Prefacing that statement with the word “some” keeps it from being offensive and doesn’t change the joke.

  5. I take all my life advice from a guy who got punched in the head for a living and can’t figure out how condoms work.

  6. I suspect it’s the psychosis remaining from the bite.

  7. A religious person saying something astoundingly stupid? Colour me surprised.

  8. I thought the only way to ‘fix’ homosexuality was to ‘pray the gay away’? That’s what’s wrong with the kids these days – always thinking that ‘science’ and all their fancy book learning is some kind of substitute for diligently praying to an imaginary being to fix their problems.

  9. joe

    people can believe what they want… and being gay and black is like comparing apple to pineapples…. there are some people that think being gay is okay and some people that don’t agree with it, so what… quit forcing people to believe things that they don’t agree with….

    • Polk

      You can’t force anyone to believe anything – but you can mock them for saying something incredibly stupid and hateful, which is what Fish did.

  10. Cock Dr

    Good luck “fixing” anyone’s sexuality into something entirely different.

    • Terry Richardson once took a picture of Lindsay Lohan that didn’t make my penis crawl back up into my bladder … does that count?

    • Are you implying that Chaz Bono does not in fact exist?
      Couldn’t that be viewed as a ‘fix’ for homosexuality? Woman is attracted to women, surgically attach dong = not gay anymore? If that’s the choice, gay dudes and lesbians walking down the street holding hands and getting married, or more Chaz Bono’s, I’ll see you at the next pro gay marriage rally.

      • Rubik's Doob

        schmidtler, you get dumber and dumber by the post. Transgenderism is NOT the same as being gay. Being TG means your sexual identity is not in line with your biological sex. It has nothing to do with homosexuality. My sister is 100% gay and neither she nor her wife care one hoot about getting a penis. In fact, they don’t want anything at all to do with a penis, end of story.

        Dipshit.

      • read what I wrote – we’re commenting on a post about Evander Holyfield claiming there’s a medical treatment that ‘cures’ gay. Chastity Bono had a vagina, was attracted to women, she was a lesbian. She had her sex organs surgically altered to become a male, who is still attracted to women = ‘straight’. This is ostensibly a comedy site. Maybe you thought this was the blog for the Medical Journal or something? Dipshit.

  11. The Right

    You only disagree with him because you’re racist.

  12. Slash

    Yeah, we should probably discount any words of wisdom from somebody who’s been punched in the head many times as part of his job.

  13. Aggie

    Fish, next time you’re advocating for a non-religious, secular society why don’t you think of the children for a change, huh? What’re they gonna do, molest themselves?

  14. Kris "Whore of Baphomet" Jenner

    The concept of masculinity is extremely skewed in black culture, it’s much more complicated than just the biblical aspect. However, we can agree that all men are attracted to my daughter’s pig pussy.

  15. Mama Pinkus

    very disturbing to see someone from a historically oppressed group bash another oppressed group

  16. Kimmykimkim

    So, in other words, Evander Holyfield is gay.

    • Kimmykimkim

      Was! I meant “was gay”. Of course.

    • If everyone who speaks out as being opposed to legal recognition of ‘gay rights’ is secretly gay, and everyone who is in favor of it is openly gay, does that mean everyone is gay? Is he overcompensating by having all those illegitimate kids with all those women? I think the old adage ‘do not ascribe to conspiracy that which is more likely attributable to stupidity’ might be in play here.

      • Kimmykimkim

        How can one know that being gay is a choice unless they, themselves, have chosen not to be gay?

  17. Kimmykimkim

    I’ve always found it interesting that black people can be such hardcore Christians/Jesus lovers when Christianity is something their slavemasters taught them. They weren’t shipped over to America as Christians.

  18. Never in my life did I expect anything intelligent or profound out of men that get knocked in their heads repeatedly for a living, especially this one, he has done nothing to change that. Next we will be expecting dissertations from people like The Situation or Heidi Montag.

  19. Someone should punch him in the head….nevermind.

  20. j-sin

    Fish, you know I love you man but trying to wrap your head around the black community and some of ( and i repeat some of) the views on homosexuality isn’t that simple. And I’d recommend you take a history class or two, when African slaves were brought to the Americas during the Diaspora they were stripped of their culture, customs and religion. That in turn was replaced by Christianity which became something for slaves to hold on to like a life raft in a hurricane of inhumanity known as Slavery. Basically we clung to the white man’s religion and we all know how fucked up that shit can be. But if you brainwash people long enough they can believe eating shrimp will send you to hell, so why wouldn’t black people believe the same about gays?

    No excusing shit but lets not Try to simplify this shit too much. Also, no one ever heard of one minority group picking on another over time as soon as they get a leg up? Cough*Italians*Cough*Irish*Cough*Jews*.

  21. An extremely Alpha male with brain damage disagrees with you? No, you’re right. I see it now. We should hang that piece of shit from the nearest tree.

  22. I always figured that Evander Holyfield grew up with a serious lack of brain cells. Now I wonder if when Mike Tyson bit off that chunk of Evander’s ear, the rest of his brain dribbled out as well.

  23. Maybe homosexuality can be fixed; stupidity, on the other hand, can’t.

  24. JoeSchmoe

    I guess since you make your living off “the people on the TV” you get caught up in what they say and then make it important. Who really cares what anyone with “TV/Celebrity power ” says about anything.
    People that love Phil and Evander don’t care what you think. You sure do care about what they think.

    To bad you don’t cover people that can truly affect things. Then I could understand the need for you to preach your sermon.

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