Eva Mendes’ chest makes a kickass beverage tray

May 12th, 2008 // 83 Comments

These are come crazy ass topless pics of Eva Mendes in the latest issue of Vogue Italia. All I know is, I’m moving to Italy and stocking my house full of Eva Mendes’ Boobs/Drink Trays. Where do I pick something like that up? Pier 1? Or this more of an IKEA item? I get most of my furniture from the junk yard. People laughed when I made a bed out of old washing machines. But who’s laughing now? Me! And not just because of the tetanus.

Thanks to Selene who doubles as a sexy armoire.

NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions that, even uncensored, are some bizarro shit.

Photos: Huffington Post, Vogue Italia

  1. Holy Frick!!! I’m scared! Scared and….bored..

  2. Mama Pinkus

    I normally think she’s a decent looking gal but these pics are kinda skankish.

  3. pistola

    this woman is BEAUTIFUL!… no matter what freaky shit she does during photoshoots.

  4. Johnny Cash

    Whats with all the celebrities going topless lately

  5. veggi

    In the words of the weird russian singing guy from clerks, thats berserker..

  6. Photographer

    No offense to the pro who did this shoot, but he/she really brought out the ugly in Eva. She naturally gives off a shemale vibe because of her face, so harsh settings are a no-no. Unless the goal is to get the trannies’ tiny penises all uppity.

  7. Mitch

    Nice thighs. I’d say she’s squatting 200-250, sets of 10.

  8. GalPal

    Another foot photo. I’m thinking Eva has a foot fetish and this photo shoot is letting her get it all out. But women’s feet can be very hot, so no complaints here!

  9. hot mess

    DANG! Get your freak on Eva! I have to admit I am jealous, though. She managed to look MUCH better than I did when I fell into my lawn chair.

  10. Stupid Guy

    I’m shocked, just shocked! I thought she was a nice girl!

  11. havoc

    #6 ditto


  12. hot mess

    In her corset photo she seems to have a huge dong.


    boobs? dong? boobs? dong? oh ferget it, i’m going back to jess

  13. Toon

    Ditto @8. And don’t miss the photo of her belly down pulling on her heels. If she doesn’t have a foot fetish she’s definitely gaming with the photographer.

  14. Simplicity

    How is sucking your own toes, hot??
    She looks rediculous.

  15. Gia

    Any images of sexy men or women make me want to have sex. I’m not gay or bi-sexual, but I just love sex. I have to go back to work now and clear my mind of sex.

  16. GalPal

    @15. Feet rank as the number one fetish at least for men whether people are willing to admit it or not. Feet can be very sexy, so why not watching her play with her own feet?

  17. Looks like she’s ready for my new specialty, the Cocktail Glass Steamer.

  18. RENEE

    Blech, she’s so ugly. And showing her chompin on her toes just is so not hot.

  19. fygu


  20. @18 Wow, where have you been troll? My steamer troll has not been around in months. Did they just let you out of the looney bin?

  21. S. Freud

    Hi 16, let me help clear your mind. Relax now, imagine you are spelunking down a cave. Maybe imagine a train roaring through a tunnel. Picture a nature scene, like Old Faithful blowing off. Better yet you should run an errand. Does your gas tank need to be filled? If all of that fails enjoy a healthy banana for a snack.

  22. veggi

    It’s been so humid in my apartment the last few days. Last night I let loose a jihad-worthy SBD in my living room and when I walked in there this morning, I could still smell it! Talk about a bunker-buster…

  23. #21 – yes, they did. I was hospitalized for convulsions due to continuous orgasming, but finally they showed me your picture and it all stopped instantly.

  24. Bob Impanze

    LOL @ the Superfish. Welcome to last week.

  25. OnlyGayEskimo

    She is GORGEOUS – in that “I-don’t-know-if-shes-a-woman-or-just-a-damn-good-tranny” sort of way. She reminds me of a Carmen Miranda impersonator that can actually pull it off – there is a fine line between striking and masculine, and she is standing on that line in her gigantic heels.

  26. @24 I thought it was you troll. When are we going to go to dinner??

  27. Hey Fish, can you tell me where you bought your time machine? I read this shit days ago. I had fucking amazing sex that day and I’d like to relive the experience. Ok, fine, I jerked off, but still, it was awesome…

  28. Gia


    Maybe she had a hangnail lol!

  29. asdf

    OLD pictures are OLD.

  30. Auntie Kryst

    These photos are about as daring as an Italian war hero..

  31. veggi

    #23. You’re a fucking weirdo man..

  32. ph7

    She looks like a young Muhammad Ali in pic #7.

  33. scarletpoppies

    Channeling Bourdin, Newton and Crewdson in an especially riveting way….

  34. Harry Ballzack

    Nice tits …. but the woman really needs to trim up that muff !! She looks like she has a mans package there

  35. Veggi, That is my steamer troll. She has just gotten out of the looney bin. You remember who my steamer troll was don’t you??

  36. Jade

    So Vogue Italia = porn?

    I mean.. I’ve seen plently american Vogue magazines.. but these pics look like something I’d see in porn mags.

  37. veggi

    I’d love to sniff the snail trail on that couch.

  38. veggi

    yeah Jimbo… the brotherfucker, right??

    38- you’re amazingly uninteresting..

  39. hot mess

    dang! that snail trail thang was nastaaaay…i am still laughing, but it’s nastay!

  40. Rachel

    #38 – agreed! Licking her on that couch is my new fantasy!

  41. What the heck kinda chair is that? Needs a chain and to be hangin’ from the ceiling if you as me!

  42. Dy

    If you’re going topless in Vogue at least do it looking “elegant”, not trashy. This is a surprise from Eva; I always considered her to be sophisticated. Aparently not.

  43. SMD.

    Why do woman always show their stuff? But we never hear about GUYS flashing their junk. Or their nice asses. Us straight women/gay men would like to see some fine guys flashing their goodies. Sure, so many pictures of random celebs out there topless and/or flashing their vagina. But that’s for straight men/lezs. I want some MEN! That is all.

  44. Erica

    She is a very beautiful woman. But damn she looks hideous in these.

  45. Very fair criticism! You don’t see them here, but there are plenty of pics online of celeb guys flashing.

  46. OC Dee


    Yikes! What kind of surgery are they performing on this mans cock?

  47. veggi

    46- elephentitis in the title of your link would prove you to be a, as FRIST!!! coined earlier, buttmunch..

    That you mike??

  48. Mia

    So, “veggi”, you hang out here all day and bitch at other commenters? Awesome.

  49. Mia


    It looks like a sex change operation. I once saw a documentary called Who Am I on HBO where this guy got a sex change operation and decided at the last minute not to get it, but he was already drugged and could not talk. Now he is trying to get disability as a mutilated male.

  50. HuckyDucky

    Did he say “making fuck”?

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