Eva Mendes in rehab

February 1st, 2008 // 53 Comments

TMZ revealed today that Eva Mendes is in rehab battling a substance abuse problem:

We’re told the “Ghost Rider” star is at the famous Cirque Lodge, near Sundance. The Lodge, which treated Lindsay Lohan and other stars, is one of the most respected treatment facilities in the country.
Eva has been at Cirque for several weeks.

Her addiction? My guess is ass-patting. I had a problem with it myself. It was really affecting my work. I mean, I would pat anyone’s ass. My secretary, random co-workers, Ted in Accounting. Also the copying machine. Oh, that copying machine. Such a tight buttocks on that one… But, anyway, I got some help and I think I’m better for it. Best of luck to Eva.

superficial

  1. loola

    FIRST

  2. UCrawford

    Isn’t she pregnant?

  3. combustion8

    cokehead

  4. combustion8

    she’s showing us where they removed the stetchmarks with photoshop.

  5. D. Richards (Nutsac.)

    Jesus I’d like to bury my face between her asscheeks.

    I’d promise her prescription drugs (Oxycontin) and really cheap alcohol (Maddog), just for a whiff.

  6. Zim

    Judging by her face, she’s addicted to testosterone.

  7. Heroiny

    Another one bites the dust.

  8. LL

    I’m thinking of becoming a drunk or a junkie (I haven’t decided which yet, they’re both tempting, but I don’t think I have time to do both) just so I can go to rehab and have everyone applaud me for my bravery. I mean, I’m too old to go to Iraq or become a cop or a firefighter, plus I’m a tiny little wuss. Compulsive substance abuse sounds like just the ticket.

    If anyone wants to offer their input on either drinking or drugging, please feel free. I’m making my PRO and CON lists now.

  9. The Laughing God

    She ate from the food pellet bowl at her local PETA chapter. One bite is all it takes!!

  10. The Laughing God

    My guess is that she ate from the pellet bowl at her local PETA chapter. One bite is all it takes!!

  11. sunny

    yuck she looks like a man/tranny trying to be sexy. TRYING. *barf*

  12. graciiie

    DAMN. i thought she was so… uh…. wholesome…..

  13. ph7

    She looks like a maid who cleans the room at the lodge.

  14. Eva has checked in the Jimbo rehab center where she is getting all of the personal attention she needs.

  15. Matilda

    “Rehab”??? What’s that? Dad, do you know? Dad???

  16. Jeff

    When did it become OK for women to wear Smurf hats?

  17. Lola

    I don’t think she was pregnant, that was probably a beer baby. I am in my 2nd trimester….

    hehe… ass-patting. Awesome.

  18. WTF? I didn’t even think she was an addict.
    Ehh, just goes to show you I guess.

  19. Auto-Erotic-Asphixiation

    # 8 —– who are you again ?

  20. RENEE...

    Hmmm, I never could stand her and could care less about her, but this one is a surprise to me; never saw it coming. She seemed like she would be the type to be livin clean, save for the occassional glasses of wine or something…and weren’t there recent rumors of her being preggers? Well, I guess maybe some good will come of Heath’s death…maybe it scared others into getting helped. As bad as it is to say, I still wish it was one of the others that bit the dust, instead of Heath.

  21. Dr Phil McGraw PhD

    Dear TheSuperficial:

    Your use of the term “Ass-patting” is misleading.

    The correct technical term is “gluteal affirmation.” or “GA” Trained professionals like myself complete this therapeutic maneuver with a skillful squeeze and the words “Yippy Cay Ay Hooah Hooah” to make the patient feel more at ease.

    The trained eye can see that Eva has not had professional GA training but would clearly benefit from this therapy. Moreover, squirrel, you gotta to know that skunks don’t shit apple pie just because it’s raining. Stop fantasizing about buttocks of a caliber you will never know.

    Sincerely,

    Dr. Phil

  22. #8, only become a junkie if you can afford it. It sucks to run out..

  23. Jen

    I hope she can get over her addiction to being an extremely bad actress.

  24. #15 – HAHAHAHAHAHA…

    Her last name is Mendes, which means she’s likely a drug mule. A condom full of coke probably burst in her stomach, which caused her to be hospitalized and made the doctors assume she was an addict. See? There’s an easy explanation to everything. Whew! At least she’s not an addict.

    TCLTC

  25. fergernauster

    Hmmmmm… I dunno, Clark… probably not a junkie, but a wino. Probably likes the red wine a wee bit too much, know what I’m sayin’?

    That’s my take.

  26. lipper

    WWMKD?

    All I have to ask.

  27. fergernauster

    Then again… PETA does this to people. Turns them into raving, drinking, drugging loonies.

    Just ask Pam Anderson.

  28. Pam should join PETT. She has distroyed hers..

  29. Mal Reynolds

    #8 I say go with the drugs, preferably uppers. You get a lot of stuff done when you’re high, you lose weight and look good (for a few months anyway), and you can control how fast (and soon) you want to get to rehab. I suggest the powder cocaine and amphetamine (pill) route. Very upscale still. By contrast, crack cocaine and meth amphetamine (snorting/shooting) will take you down fast and it won’t be pretty. Good luck! Keep us posted.

  30. mrs.t

    Methinks I smell a publicists foul stench around this one…who needs some attention? Hmmm, Eva Mendes, you say? Put her in rehab.

    Then again, she could just be a good, old-fashioned cokehead.

  31. Pablo Escobar

    She was my best mule!!! I will miss you honey, there’s always a job for you when you return. Shit, now I have to use that skinny bitch Richie!

  32. gert

    you are kidding ………….

  33. Nicole

    She reminds me of amy winehouse, BEFORE amy became what she is now

  34. 1 MILF Hunter

    She had a sexual addiction for me, but I’m willing to let her go.

  35. Lila

    Isn’t she pregnant?? What the hell is she doing messing with drugs/pills or even alcohol? Some people are just stupid…

  36. Alan

    Can they do something about her ugly ass face?

  37. Ass Pattie

    Ass fat get lonely when me no gets pattie.

  38. InternetToughGuy

    She was/is pregnant. I bet she just wants to have the baby in secrecy/privacy and this is the cover story.

  39. Oh for fock’s sake, is everyone in Hollywood on drugs? Wait, don’t answer that.

  40. andyalsg

    she is really hot. I am a fan of her. It’s said she recently joined a celebrity and millionaire dating site named “Searching Millionaire dot com”. Many men winked at her there. But I did not find her when I joined it. So sad

  41. rudyboy

    Eva- Thos eyes !!
    Also,I want to warn all Democrats and/or our OBAMA supporters…The Republican’s are out to get us…They have found one of OBAMA”s college room mates (now a Republican) and as soon as OBAMA wins the Democatic nomination- they are going to pull a “Lewinski” on the American public…apperently OBAMA’s old roomie will admit to the PRESS that he witnessed OBAMA dealing Cocaine to more than a few of his close friends in their dorm room!!!…The Republican’s hope to sway the independent vote and the undecidedes… They are betting that the fallout will put John Mc Cain over the top and will win him election for President…we have to fight this nasty PLOY!!!

  42. Mamachick

    Remember back in the day when girls went away to “visit a sick aunt” for nine months? Eva’s been looking pretty puffy lately, and now off to rehab? Hmmm.

  43. It seems that she is want to naked. Maybe want to attract attention from others or……If you want to broswe many girls with the hot body, go to check this club bbwconnect.com. There are so many hot videos by those hot girls and….

  44. PUBLICITY STUNT.

    Seriously, who was talking about her until now? Rehab is the new fake relationship in terms of press attention.

  45. sweet jesus

    Seriously, this shocks me. What kind of a person would snort coke while pregnant? Fucking worthless celebrities.

  46. sweet jesus

    Oh, and #41, you’re fucking nuts.

  47. lambman

    um this is random.

  48. rudy

    love you Eva..
    Also,I want to warn all Democrats and our OBAMA supporters…The Republican Right is out to get us again…They have found one of OBAMA”s college room mates (now a Republican) and as soon as OBAMA wins the Democatic nomination- they are going to pull “another Lewinski” on the American public…apperently OBAMA’s old roomie will admit to the PRESS that he witnessed OBAMA snorting & even dealing Cocaine to more than a few of his close friends in their shared dorm room!!!…The Republican’s hope to sway the independent vote and the undecidedes with this shocker… They are betting that the fallout will put John Mc Cain over the top and will win him election for President.
    I think this may be a false rumour but Obama did admit his Cocaine Use and I think we have to take this admission by Obama very seriously…if it is true I don’t think the Republican’s are going to leave this Drug issue alone!!!

  49. havamal

    Gotta get off that South Beach diet flown in daily from Columbia

  50. Pathetic

    She’s not even that famous and she can’t handle it?

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