Eva Longoria’s Tats

Eva Longoria, obviously under some sort of ancient hindu mind-control, has had Tony Parker’s name tattooed onto an intimate part of her body.

You can see three of my tatts, they’re all on public display, but the one that has Tony’s initials is only seen by him. I’m not saying where it is – but let’s just say he gets to view it on a very regular basis!”

Now I have nothing against basketball players per se (per se, mind you), but it appears as though I’m going to have to kill Tony Parker. Eva might, of course, be upset by this, but I’ll just have to explain to her that I had to kill him because she is mine, all mine, and I’ll never let her out of my sight again as long as she lives. Then I’ll start jiggling my oiled pecs like Super Macho Man and her clothes will literally fall right off her body.