Eva Longoria’s old lingerie photos come back to haunt her/my pants

August 27th, 2008 // 54 Comments

Eva Longoria used to be a lingerie model before hitting it big on Desperate Housewives. These shots are from 2001, and I want to know who the hell told her to keep pursuing acting? Eva could’ve been cranking more of these pics out or, God willing, done porn. This is exactly why I never tell people to follow their dreams. Unless you’re G4′s Olivia Munn and your dream is to cover me in chocolate sauce. In which case, reach for the stars!

Photos: Daily Mail

  1. veggi

    I hate it when the maid plays dress-up while cleaning my bedroom.

  2. fist nigger

    first you fucking faggot s

  3. simplicity

    #2… lame ass.

  4. Mike

    Ahhhhhhhhh man, I just shot a load on my keyboard.

    Didn’t even have to think about douching her.

    The pictures were enough I guess. Son of a bitch, now I can’t type as well and can’t rant and rave about douching this hot bitch.

  5. edie

    wow great lingerie ads. so if i buy that stuff, will my boobs also look non-existent?

  6. Barney Stinson

    She definitely could use a super-facial.

  7. When you see pictures of her without makeup it really shows you how avg looking he is for a yard gnome.

  8. ah… midday pleasure material

  9. literarycritic

    Why can’t we get some nice shots of guys in here for a change? (wipes semen and drool off zit caked chin)

  10. Mini

    Smokin hot damn We need more!!!

  11. Mini

    Smokin hot damn We need more!!!

  12. Sportsdvl

    My blowup doll is 5’8 and is a supermodel. I’ve got to get back to satisfying her now

  13. veggi

    Oh yeah? Well my blowup doll has blonde hair and blue eyes

  14. dave

    Fuck, man, she is so hot. I’d fuck 24 hours a day.

  15. crabby old guy

    I heard that she doesn’t give her hubby, Tony Parker, head. Seems he always dribbles before he shoots.

    Thank you. I’ll be here all week.

  16. Stroker

    I love her feet! God they’re gorgeous, especially those nice darker soles. She could make me lick them clean as long as she wants. I’m bursting.

  17. Nique

    Come on, I could look like this with a good photographer and some paintbrush… this is not reality

  18. rough daddy

    shes ok,,, im guessing tony made a business decision when he got hitched…

  19. Sammy

    Midget Porn.

  20. literarycritic

    @#9: Er, what the hell? What is that… insult (I’m feeling generous) even supposed to mean?

  21. reader

    I’m confused about all the comments about jerking off to pictures like these (or bikini pics, etc.). Why do that at this site? There must be hundreds if not thousands of sites with much better erotica/porn, for free. I understand why these guys need to be happy for whatever crumbs fall their way, in terms of sex, in the real world, but don’t they realize that the internet exists mostly for them to have much better choices for their chronic masturbation?

  22. LetMeExplain


    You miss the point. These are celebrities. People they “know.” It’s more fun fantasizing about cumming with someone you “know” but can’t have than some random video girl.

  23. Zane

    If they could edit out the brown stain from the top picture, why couldn’t they do something about her face? And maybe make it look like it was a large mosquito, at least, that gave her those 2 bites.

  24. Randal

    I had no idea that you were doing this before you became a household name. One or the other, it’s great you picked acting because although you know how to work a camera, your ability to work on TV is much more desirable and also shows the endless amount of talent you have.


  25. @22:

    I can (and do) bed anyone I want. Easily. Always have had that gift.

    But my ad agency has filters on our web access. People would raise their eyebrows if I was looking at porn. But don’t care about some gossip site. So when I need a little self pleasure at work… SWEEEEEEET LONGORIA ASS! UNGAWAH!!!!!

  26. pimpled internet stroking loser

    I feel so ALIVE when I post “I can (and do) bed anyone I want. Easily. Always have had that gift.” On my beloved ‘net, I can be whoever I want. If only real life were that way…

  27. In a few years she will be doing Playboy, when she can’t get anymore work.

  28. blowup doll lover

    My blowup doll looks much better

  29. MLK

    She’s nothing. I was bangin a hot chick at the beach. Then I woke up in my parent’s basement with my body pillow again.

  30. gotmilk?

    lingerie? looks like a couple of bathingsuits and her brother’s underwear.

    nice perm.

  31. elmer the fudd

    Michael Douglas told me he fucked her while they were filming “The Sentinel” and that she had to rim him to get him hard. He said CZJ has to do the same. Lucky old bastard!!!

  32. monkey man

    she’s a dork. i don’t even care that she’s latina. pick away at her as much as u want, honkies. lulz

  33. Loaded

    Meh ….. The transvestite on America’s Got Talent lastnight looked better than her

  34. Loaded

    Meh……The transvestite blowup doll I had last night looked better than her

  35. Just Courtney

    Randall Cracks Me Up…. Kinda Creepy, I’ll Admitt… But He’s Just Always So Nice :) Haha… Kinda Eerily Refreshing I Guess

  36. veggi

    The maid tambien me eseño a hablar español en mi recamara

  37. Effyeray

    Wow, I guess she hasn’t always been fug… whodathunkit?

  38. Lingerie has come a long way since 2001, thank god.

  39. The Corrector

    She played “Isabella” on the Y&R in the early to mid ’90′s … BTW

  40. yourmum

    She also played hambone on my cock.

  41. Drunkman

    She definitley lost weight since these photos but she looks better with it on IMO

  42. FACE

    Why are there so few sexy black chicks featured here? Rhianna and Mya (if they are black) are the only 2 that I recall seeing here in months. Yet, every nobody psuedo celebrity talentless white tramp that take her tits out or shows her ass is in this fag site every day.

  43. Mary

    That photo of her in the red she looks like a grandma!!!!!! Absolutely no muscle definition. This ladies & gentlemen is the difference between being a toned young woman and a haggared starved out wench. Guess which one Eva is?

    And that’s just what they didn’t do!!

  45. WTF

    #43 because so few exist

  46. duh

    her boobs seem to have grown a bit since then….or she’s just wearing really good bras.

  47. bosendorfer

    she looks better in these ridiculous photos than she looks now — a squandered almost-beauty is/was this eva.

  48. Duke Steele

    I’m not saying I wouldn’t do her every which way,but, I’m getting sick of seeing her. She seems to be everywhere and she doesn’t look as hot as she did in the beginning of the show. Sort of the way Catherine Bell from JAG used to be super hot. Then I found out shes a scientologist. Now, shes not that hot anymore. Sort of tainted.

  49. They were taken seven years ago? She’s not aged a bit!

    That means somewhere there’s a portrait of her getting saggier boobs.

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