Eva Longoria has the worst sex tape ever

October 2nd, 2007 // 65 Comments

Here’s the alleged Eva Longoria sex tape everybody’s been talking about. Although calling it a sex tape would not only be a lie, it’d be a really big lie. The tape was made for Will Ferrel’s comedy site Funny Or Die and features Eva Longoria with comedian Eric Christian Olsen. In the video Longoria says: “Are you really sure we should be doing this? If it gets out it could be really embarrassing.” Her partner then replies: “Don’t worry baby I’m going to put it somewhere safe – like the glovebox of my car.” Funny? Meh. Cruel? Definitely. I mean, getting everybody’s hopes up about an Eva Longoria sex tape and having it turn out to be this? It’s like promising your kid a Wii for Christmas, and then when Christmas rolls around you kick him really hard in the nuts instead.



    OOOOOOOOOOOOooohhhh Golly!!!

  2. lizl

    1st :o)

  3. NoTalentDwarf

    Enough said.

  4. Steven Braun

    Now THAT is funny!


    I’m not ever watching another sex tape again, until Britney makes one. Is she still alive?

  6. Funny but still a let down.

  7. sportsdvl

    #2 – you are just lame. Getting excited about maybe being first on this poll is about as sad as wanting to watch that lawn gnome get tapped by some Frenchman.

  8. Moe Szyslak

    Fish, if you tell my kids what I’m actually getting them for Christmas again, I’m going to rip out your eyes and shove them down your pants so you can watch me kick the crap out of you.

  9. tylerdurden

    Least funny thing I’ve seen in like forever.

  10. Shit4Brains

    #8 – I agree. What a pathetic thing to get excited about………being first! Probably had to go whack off after.

  11. peacebone

    i lol’d

  12. Me

    hehehehe! I thought this was really quite funny! =)

  13. Riotboy

    I have a sex tape on eBay.

    /$2.40 so far

  14. KC

    “Funny or Die?” I choose DIE!

  15. T

    It’s actually funny how corresponding to this news about 10 different torrents claiming to be the video were online. Supposedly they all had DRM that asked you to go to some site to sign up for more celebrity sex tapes, such as that “Britney Spears” one.

    They sure took advantage of that.

  16. MiG

    LOL…loving it!

  17. For her sake, everything worked out fine.

    she got tons of free publicity

    and it did not mar her career

  18. chaz

    i can’t beat off to this…. or can i?

  19. Not that funny really. It’s no “The Landlord.” I did chuckle at the “That sounds like crap” line.

  20. Watch “Perry Hilton DUI” Now that is funny!

  21. This thing is really crap!

  22. Rzwrong

    This epitomizes what is unfunny in the world.

    First take something good and wholesome like a sex tape and then shit all over it with some of the crappest unfunny crap that’s ever been made, then release via website to a sad loser like me.

    End result: A postal internet surfer, watch out ethernet switcher I’m comin’ for ya!

  23. lambman

    Well now I know which one ISN’T my favorite Olsen twin!

  24. Leah

    hahahaha this is awesome

  25. lastangelman

    My nuts! my Nuts! PLease ! Stop kicking! MY NUts! Ow! Ow! Ow! oW! Please! Stop! NOw! Ow! Hurt! So! Good! Can’t! Make ! Babies! Any! MOre! Ow! Ow1 Ow! Oh YEah! oh! Yeah!

    where’s … where’s … my … cigarettes?

  26. norton

    The non-sex, sex tape. Funny shit.

  27. fdsffdsfdsfdsdffd

    You are an idiot superfish. Let me guess you thought that was a sex-tape in the first place.

  28. steph

    “eva longoria?”



  29. ipa

    this shit was so beyond lame i had to forward it.

  30. missmarnip

    i was afraid i would get to see a real sex tape.
    THIS IS FUNNY!! out of all the “desperate housewifes” i liked eva least but now. she looks good and can make fun of herself.
    or is this just a tactic for cover up for a real sex tape somewhere in the net….?

  31. Rachiebabie

    She is gorgeous, and classy. So shut the fuck up, go hate on britney or something. HA Losers.

  32. I accidently stumbled upon the new sex tape of Eva Longoria and her Hubby Tony Parker. The tape is pretty hot with alot of sucking and hot banging. It was definitly worth the $1 to view this tape, heres the link for you guys – enjoy!


  33. ninjarobot

    Who is this guy?
    He sounds exactly like Ferrel. As Ron Burgundy.

  34. Italian Stallion

    I made a sex tape with Terry Schivo. We called it “Tube-Steak”…………..

  35. Megina

    Oh my God. Eva Longoria looks just like Kylie Minogue until night vision.

  36. Black Tuesday

    Fat and ugly bitches that have boyfriends are rejoicing. Their male prisoners will now pay attention to them again and stop the obsessive hunt for the fantasized moment of escape. The lights will still be off during coitus and the poor men will dream of Eva nevah gonna get that sex tape Longoria.

  37. ali

    @ 36 haha. too far, too far.

  38. toonkinstein

    I kicked a nutcracker in the nuts once….knocked out it’s teeth…..it was ASKING FOR IT


  39. ssssh

    This tape was made years ago as a parody on the Paris Hilton sextape… The real sextape is with her husband, and it has some real sexual action in it.

  40. not-her

    hey guys.. that’s NOT eva longoria!!!

    this is just a spoof of the real one that’s out there

  41. cookie monsta

    “that sounds like crap…” becos it fken is, that’s the worst sex tape EVER…

    of course thats Nosey Longoria, who else could seriously sport a profile like that one?

  42. Jan OLeary

    Yesss it’s the guy from Beerfest. Vwhy don’t you Americans go back to your Zima’s and Smirnoff ices vwhile I enjoy zee sex vith the Eva Longoria.

  43. Longoria in Sex Tape Shocker?

    AP Photo/Chris Pizzello

    “Desperate Housewives” beauty Eva Longoria has become the latest star caught up in a sex tape scandal after bedroom footage of her and new husband Tony Parker was reportedly stolen from her home and leaked online.

    The explicit tape, which has already started appearing on pay-per-view adult Web sites, features intimate footage of the newlyweds having sex, according to British newspaper The Sun.

    This is the second time the Latina has been linked to such reports — in 2006, Longoria was rumored to have starred in a Paris Hilton-style sex tape, but it was later proved to be a hoax.

    Representatives for both Longoria and Parker have yet to comment.

    The news breaks as Longoria appears in a new online spoof sex tape film for Web site FunnyOrDie.com, in which she bounces on a bed in sexy lingerie with a male pal she calls Perry.

    Longoria and Perry also stage a pillow fight and the actress asks, “Alright, are you sure no one’s ever gonna see this?”

    She pretended the hoax sex tape was recorded before she landed a job on “Desperate Housewives,” joking, “I have an audition tomorrow for something called ‘Desperate Housewives,’” to which her partner scoffs, “That sounds like crap!”



  45. I’m fairly sure this was done for Saturday Night Live, YEARS AGO. I doubt Longoria would just take the time to do it for Will Ferrell’s web site.

  46. El Ces

    This is cute, but I want the real thing.

  47. michze

    Seen this before? It’s much hotter.

    I truly think it’s quite funny: http://videos.qweki.com/e53223dfadf142831fbd

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