Eva Longoria really really needs her makeup

July 11th, 2006 // 192 Comments

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Just in case you never believed in the power of makeup, this is what Eva Longoria looks like without it. So the next time you’ve got your pants down masturbating to pictures of her in a bikini keep this picture in mind. Because apparently she’s a gnome. And that turns you on.


  1. pinky_nip

    Yeah, we shouldn’t pick on the Mexicans, I mean, how would I have enjoyed that nice tomato I had at lunch if they hadn’t picked it for me?

  2. SpecialAgentWind

    Damn the brows aren’t even – even. Any fat slob would be sure to even out their brows right after a shower than be caught dead with a skinny and a thick. Yeesh! And she makes more money than me!

  3. RichPort

    I’m not racist… I apologize for making fun of her INS photo. In other news, I hear her job on Desperate Housewives has been outsourced to some chick with a headset in Mumbai… just sad.

  4. jrzmommy

    50–that’s gonna be your entry into katgyrl’s Racist Fuckwit club. Well earned!!

  5. Jacq

    #48 – No, but it DOES taste like salsa.

    What is she doing in a car? I thought that she was genetically programmed to only ride burros.

  6. bigponie


    the only way to prove your better looking then eva in the morning is by sleeping with me, I’m offering you a chance to prove your theory

  7. cat_taylor

    and 45, it isn’t being racist, it is being funny. your comment is just a shade off post 26. so relax. and no, we prolly couldn’t make a racist comment about a black chick bc for some reason, you can’t take a joke.

  8. JollyJumjuck

    I can tell when she’ll be in her forties, she’ll give Billie Dee Williams a run for his money in the mustache department. Goonie-goo-goo!

  9. jrzmommy

    ..Aunt Eva is comin’ to get me.

  10. RichPort

    I’m not sure she’s in a real car, because if she really is Mexican, wouldn’t there be like 20-25 other people in there with her? Of course they didn’t show a picture of the trunk…

  11. “katgyrl’s Racist Fuckwit club”

    lol! if i had more motivation i’d make that into a website.

  12. jrzmommy

    I bet it’s a Chebby she’s driving.

  13. Jacq

    #45 – I’ve seen some less-attractive white chicks. Where I come from a chicana is just as likely to ship your ass anyone else. However, something tells me I’m replying to an ugly, angry black chick.

  14. jrzmommy

    …one of them bouncy-cars with the spinny rims with…..

  15. # 45 perhaps I could take your rant about our insensitivity more seriously if you hadn’t named yourself “Queen LaQueefah” As for us getting our asses kicked if anybody said something about a “Black Chick” Hmm, guess we’ll have to ask Ike Turner his secret.

  16. that-dog-is-shifty-eyed

    Mexicans have done so much for my entire state. I am grateful to have such good food and clean highways. I don’t have to pay taxes on any of my employees, and this meth I am snorting right now hails from Nuevo Laredo and is so damned affordable. Thank you Beaners, thanks so much.

  17. Ez-EEEE

    star jones is an ugly as black chick. if they ever post a pic of her here, ill comment about her watermelon head, and then comment on how its ironic that she has awatermelon head cuz black ppl like watermelon. and ya know what? i doubt anyone will try to beat my ass.
    but if they do, “bring it” cuz im a ninja.

  18. jrzmommy

    ….fuzzy dice and one of those praying hands decals….

  19. jrzmommy

    45–would the hypothetical black chick pull the plate out of her lip and smack me with it?

  20. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    60 – I bet they brought enough oranges for everybody!

  21. Italian Stallion

    Housekeeping, you want me fluff pillow?
    Housekeeping, you want me jerk you off?

  22. RichPort

    Queen La(pussy fart)ah

    When I first posted it was to defend Kanye West against a slew of racist railings against him, not because I like him, but because it’s incredibly easy to bring the sambo comments out when anything happens to anyone Black. That said, you’ll soon learn, as I did, that this IS Superficial, meaning virtually harmless, and the string is funnier if you either go along or attack whitey (one of my favorite past times, but so is attacking chinky, blacky and eses). So defend this undocumented worker if you must; I’ll be out greasing my car by running over her family members, then engaging in a shootout (gats parallel to the flo’, you know how we do) with some gangbangers, and finishing off my day throwing tomatoes at Aryans.

  23. Toonlite

    I feel pretty Oh So Pretty..I feeel preettty and good outside….la la la laaaaa…..

    It’s a good day for me!!!

  24. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Yippee! Black People VS. White People, Round 70,045,872,321!
    Ding Ding Ding!

  25. El drama del Internet

    I smell a Photoshopping.

    We know how photo editors can detouch a person by looking at worth1000.com.
    I really dislike this bitch, but there is no way, no how, that she would go out in public with a “moustache” (I bet that if she had one she had it laser removed) and uneven brows. She’s so vain.

  26. DancingQueen

    @#1, Your name cracked me up!

    I just cannot BELIEVE Eva had the nerve to go out in public looking like that!!!
    Hey-SUS, I would never been seen without makeup if I were as well known as she is.

    And here’s a question. WHY would you go to the trouble of putting on those big old earrings but NOT wearing makeup???

  27. cat_taylor

    I think the stache is real. I work at a laser skin center and TONS of people have that. It’s called melasma, it’s difficult to treat, and usually shows up on the upper lip, under the eyes, or between the eyebrows…. in case anyone was wondering.

  28. byronebyronian

    That is one FUGLY woman. Is The Superficial pulling a fast one on us? Is it April Fools?

    Otherwise, I will never be able to look at Eva the same way again.

  29. dimestoredetective

    So waitaminute.
    1. Teri Hatcher macking with Ryan Seacrest, a reknown pole smoker,
    2. Eva Longoria, exposed as a latino troll, and
    3. Nicholette Sheridan, banging Michael Bolton.
    What is it with these chicks?

  30. kandyk0119

    And this is “Sexiest Woman Alive”, damn I think I may have a chance! Give me a makeup artist and a stylist….and a good wax!

  31. Tom Cruise = Cult Puppet

    I can officially say I’ve banged chicks hotter than Eva Longoria!

    First the cottage cheese ass, now this. I didn’t even recognize her in this pic. I bet the next revelation will be that she has fake legs and beats Tony with them so he’ll give her the hot beef injection.

  32. jane's eyre


    …and also a big decal in Old English font, saying “Jalisco” or “Michoacan”…

  33. wawawetards

    that is soooo PHOTOSHOPPED! there have been plenty pics of her wet at the beach with no makeup on and she doesn’t look that homely….not to mention a girl who’s on tv would not have a moustache like that!

  34. wawawetards

    oh yeah and nobody does there hair, puts on cute earrings, and a lil hat and doesn’t do their makeup. alright now i’m done. i feel better. i need a cigarette.

  35. wawawetards

    omg THEIR. seriously, i’m done now

  36. PapaHotNuts

    When did Tom Selleck grow his hair out?

  37. Proteon

    She smiled for the camera even without makeup. I like her more than I did.

  38. spatz

    its not photoshopped, she just looks like shit there. i never found her pretty at all (even with all the mexican soap opera 5 pounds of makeup) and this just proves it. maybe she looks extra ugly cause she just woke up. you know how those mexicans love to nap.

  39. jrzdaddy

    We should take bets on how many times Jane’s Eyre and jrzmommy can post on one topic. You two whores aren’t funny enough to post twice, much less 20 fucking times. I don’t often agree with Papahotnuts, but he was right the other day- you two bitches are out of control. At least he is funny sometimes. Post a few times like everyone else and then quit. IM each other if you two dykes need to talk so much. FUCK.

  40. Pat

    I refuse to believe she is ugly. That’s all there is to it. She wouldn’t be famous if she was ugly. Why else would she be famous, if not for her looks? She’s not very talented . . . this is either not her, or a very, very bad picture. Put some make up on her, I’d still hit it.

  41. To all the people who are saying “This is fake, why would she do her hair and put on those earings if and not put on her make-up” obviously have never had sisters or girlfriends.

    She DIDN”T do her hair, thats why she has the hat on. Earings take 2 seconds to put on and Her make-up probably takes 20 min. If she is running out to Starbucks for some coffee she isn’t going to do a full job on her face but she has time to throw on a hat and earings. I wonder if Jesse Metcalf looks as bad without HIS makeup?

  42. HollyJ

    Mr Ed called. He wants his mouth back.

  43. jrzmommy

    89–Who the fuck asked you? And change your fucking name–jrzdaddy. I didn’t like you when you signed on as jrzdaddy to “defend” me (weak job, too, by the way) and I don’t like you now. So go back under that fucking rock you crawl out of every now and then. Let’s take bets that jrzdaddy is really some pathetic douchebag with two typekey sign-in accounts.

  44. jFp

    has anyone mentioned her moustache?

  45. Queen LaQueefah

    Racist jokes are too easy. If you think they’re hilariously funny, obviously your intellect is lacking too. Bet one of those people picking your tomato has more sense than you do. Racism is not superficial, it’s downright retarded. Superficial is talking about how un-cute she is, and that is true.

    Hey, RichPort, I’m so glad you’re around to clarify that a Queef is a pussy fart! I never knew! Way to explain a pun to the person who made it.

    More wit and brilliance, please

  46. PapaHotNuts

    Racist jokes are uncalled for. Including this one:

    Why don’t Mexicans teach driver’s Ed. and Sex Education on the same day?

    Because they don’t want to wear out the donkey too quickly.

  47. RichPort

    Hey, just offering a bit of advice lady. And you’re right, the kweef thing was too easy (my apologies, I’ll try harder next time). You obviously must not be that offended since you keep coming back. Racist jokes are easy, but so are firecrotch and herpes jokes. And for that matter saying TCLTC. Now that’s easy because it’s true. Because he does. Love the cock, that is. Which I’m sure would offend the gays. And the Scientologists…. FUCK! Cursing is also pretty easy… Now turn that little frown upside down…

  48. ob1


  49. Nikk The Templar


    She should be on HotGhettoMess.com

  50. billabong021

    *takes one look and runs away crying*

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