Eva Longoria really really needs her makeup

July 11th, 2006 // 192 Comments

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Just in case you never believed in the power of makeup, this is what Eva Longoria looks like without it. So the next time you’ve got your pants down masturbating to pictures of her in a bikini keep this picture in mind. Because apparently she’s a gnome. And that turns you on.

superficial

  1. Justin Igger

    Who’s this dumb Mexican and why do I give a fuck?
    Did she just get done giving a Dirty Sanchez, or is that a brown flavor saver?

  2. roflynsolo

    She looks absolutely awful.

  3. ellaminnowpea

    Celeb-reality….ewwww!

  4. She looks just like Rachel Ray without makeup. Scary.

  5. I_hate_you

    She looks like something that would pop out of mud and bite you.

  6. Rimmer

    Thank God she had her dentures in.

  7. jrzmommy

    That little boy’s mother should get him a decent haircut.

  8. xmarcelax

    at least she’s really really hot
    and rich

  9. bigponie

    BWAHAHAHA, that is one butt-ugly girl, I laughed so hard that coffee came out of my eyes

  10. jane's eyre

    Ha ha, spectacularly average!

  11. jrzmommy

    let’s take bets on what number the first comment comes in that tells us all how we should applaud Eva for being gracious enough to be photographed with no makeup and we’re all just stupid and superficial. I’m gonna say around 18.

  12. rudesauce

    She looks like a hybrid mix of chihuahua and cocker spaniel. And by hybrid, I mean she’s the genetically mutated runt of the litter that someone hung up on the steering wheel of their car to take a picture and say, “Hey, look! Mexi’s driving the car!”

  13. rolson

    Hey, we should applaud Eva for being gracious enough to be photographed with no makeup. You are all just stupid and superficial. Beotches.

  14. jane's eyre

    @11
    And that we’re all just “jealous haters” (one of my favorite accusations).

  15. Rimmer

    Look at her smiling. Waw, maybe she was thinking she would get away with it and people would still call her beautiful.

    She was so wrong.

  16. jrzmommy

    D’OH! Five shy.

  17. jrzmommy

    14–and we’re all Bastard people (a la Corky in “Waiting for Guffman”)

  18. Fugurself

    #11 you overshot your prediction by 5 places.

  19. jrzmommy

    18–see 16. :)

  20. I will never again dare to compare myself to Eva Longoria again. It’s all in the makeup, afterall! Hurrah!

    http://www.wehateeverybody.com

  21. spatz

    simply breathtaking. ooofa

  22. RichPort

    Shouldn’t she be cleaning my bathroom?

  23. rudesauce

    That huge earring looks like a portal into an alternate dimension where cottage-cheese butt is beautiful and people throw money at anything with freckles. She just popped over to pick up her stash of drugs from Snoop. As soon as this pic was taken, she activated the portal and warped back to Fuglywood.

  24. jrzmommy

    she must wear POUNDS of makeup.

  25. alaskanchicsickle

    What a natural beauty, bwah ha ha.

  26. caboose

    People here believe they are being media darlings rebelling against the pressure of society’s opinion of beauty and all that bullshit being shoved down their throats.

    The thing is, just turn off the tv, stop listening, get a shred of self-respect/self-esteem, and dont give a crap.

    Just own up to the fact its a guilty pleasure for you to sling your “high and mighty” mud at these people who are supposedly perfect.

  27. pop

    wait..i recognize that picture…you’re telling me that homeless chick i hooked up with last night in the alley was….Eva Longoria? Damn! I knew i shouldn’t have killed her afterwards…but i needed her shoes….

    http://popculturepundit.blogspot.com/

  28. jane's eyre

    @26
    I prefer “low and dirty” mud, to be specific.

  29. bigponie

    Tony run away as fast as you can, you’ve been duped, this is a classic case of beauty and the beast, in this case she always is the beast.

  30. Italian Stallion

    I know her, she makes the tortilla chips for salsa at my favorite Mexican Restuarant. I think she does the dishes too……..

    I’m gonna take a wild guess at this, but I bet caboose is a fat ass………….

  31. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Bitch better get that lined up. The mustache, that is.

  32. jane's eyre

    sherry-co’s radar picked up the multiple TCLTC posts that have been made recently, and has returned to defend Tom’s honor in the Suri’s birth certificate post. All that’s missing to make her return complete is a “SLIMY SLUGS”, and make it feel just like old times again. *sniff*

  33. caboose

    well I’m rather slim, but even if I was fat, what difference does that make?

    Also an interesting contradiction:

    If any celebrity other than kate moss is thin, they are deemed anorexic,insecure whore, etc

    But kate moss is worshipped for pioneering heron chic…personally I think keira knightley is more healthy than kate moss..

  34. that-dog-is-shifty-eyed

    Dear Caboose:
    yeah, we know, thanks, ass.

  35. spatz

    caboose what does all your psychobabble have to do with an ugly picture of eva longoria? she’s ass ugly with no makeup. end of story.

  36. spatz

    33 i wept a little when i witnessed the return of sherry co. she’s using “green eyed jealousy monster” or some shit like that now. honestly who talks like that?

  37. Jacq

    For a second, I thought that was Tony Parker. Barf.

    Caboose – you’re really fuckin’ deep, man. Nothing like that has EVER been said her before. Let me guess – you’re fat in real life. Fat or a homo.
    P.S. Did you see Keira at the Pirates premire? Not anorexic my ass. My big, fat ass.

  38. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    She could probably get a deal with Nair, or perhaps Hy-Top brown paper bags in size “head”.

  39. jane's eyre

    @37 But at least it gives us someone else to make fun of besides MeganHarris or lamebananas. Look on the bright side!

  40. jrzmommy

    26–You sound like every fem nazi in Che Guevara t-shirts with armpit hair in the back of every Sociology 101 class in America. We don’t have to OWN UP to anything…..we know we like to talk shit on celebrities. Why don’t you OWN UP to enjoying it, too.
    PS–8 off of my prediction.

  41. hotplateface

    Let’s predict how many times jrzmommy will comment!

    I’ve never seen anyone work a “refresh” button like her.

  42. hotplateface

    BTW, looks like someone gave Eva a hotplate and she didn’t wipe off her upper lip.

  43. That ‘stache is thicker than the one I had in high school. It’d be great (but it won’t happen) if this pic torpedoes her career. Let’s see those fags at Maxim make her numero uno ever again. The cool thing about this pic is without the pound and a half of makeup and lack of nair, I can honestly say I’ve banged better chicks than Tony Parker.

  44. Queen LaQueefah

    I love how all you racist pussies keep making remarks about her being mexican. Haven’t you ever seen an ugly white chick? Would you say something racist about a black chick? No, cause you’d get your ass beat. Yeah, she looks like shit, but she’s still making more money than you for being a no-talent MEXICAN, and it kills you, doesn’t it?

  45. Ez-EEEE

    DAVID SPADE WITH A TAN. someone photoshop that shit man. youll see they were seperated at birth.

  46. cat_taylor

    what the fuck kind of hat is she wearing? does she keep her churros in there?

  47. pinky_nip

    If you eat a mexican out, will it give you heartburn?

  48. @26 – excuse me but this is a woman who publicly stated she’s genetically superior to the rest of us. enjoying the fact that in reality she’s quite pedestrian looking and needs boat loads of make up and styling to look good is perfectly acceptable, given the circumstances. even with all the makeup & styling she’s still a dime a dozen when you compare her to the rest of celebdom.

    jeebus, even I look 200% better than this when i roll out of bed first thing in the morn.

    @41 – fem nazi ? that was so weak, lol.

    @45 – seriously, nice collection of racist fuckwits we have here.

  49. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I have nothing against Mexicans, except for the butt of my shotgun when I’m out overseeing my strawberry farm. Hi-yo!

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