Eva Longoria is the biggest cover ever

April 7th, 2006 // 71 Comments

To celebrate their 100th issue, Maxim has put a 75-by-110-foot vinyl mesh replica of its January 2005 cover image of Eva Longoria in the desert outside Las Vegas. If you have Google Earth installed you can actually zoom in and see the image here. It’s a pretty cool idea, especially considering any space aliens that plan to attack us will be momentarily distracted, giving us the necessary time to discover their weakness and defeat them. Nice try, invading space aliens. Maybe next year.



  1. Grphdesi23

    i’m first. haha.

  2. perfect that it’s in the desert, which is totally flat.

    Just like Eva

  3. Wow… I can walk all over Eva Longoria now :D

  4. dannyzuko

    hendero , crackhead! she’s “flat”… right…that is about as true as Paris Hilton being a virgin is…

  5. CheekyChops

    bull shit.

  6. tits_on_snack

    uh huhhh. imagine if all that time and effort and money went towards something interesting? meh.

  7. tlcccc123

    I didn’t think there was anything else that could make Eva’s head bigger.

  8. Blaze

    if I could be airbrushed too I’d be on the cover.

    these people are not beautiful!

  9. patEcake

    Monumentally overrated.

  10. Come on! This is great! How many superhot bisexual Latin women can you see from a 747 airplane, huh!

    ONE, baby, and I hope more to come…

  11. Sebastian De La Ghetto

    flat or not, momentarily overrated or not, i would knock that down so fast…

  12. hotintempe

    She looks very uncomfortable in that pose…I even know from watching Next TopModel and Janice you’re supposed to look natural.

  13. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    That’s the biggest waste of space I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen Paris Hilton spread eagle in a crowded room.

  14. saltpeanuts

    “Yeah! Those are the biggest hoo-hoos I’ve ever seen”

    “I want to go on that ride, Daddy.”
    “Me, too, Son. Me, too.”


  15. Nimuë LaMer


  16. Binky

    It weird – I had a lot of trouble turning the pages.
    Never had a problem with Google Earth before though. And it’s at a price I can afford.

  17. downshine

    my whole body is now the size of a fragment of her fingernail. yipeee!

  18. sweetcheeks

    I mastered that “stomach-suck-in-pose” eons ago. For those of you who haven’t, it involves clenching your butt cheeks and trying to make your belly button touch your spine. And also, holding your breath as long as physically possible.

  19. sweetcheeks

    For those with REAL willpower, laxatives and water pills do the trick. Just ask Paula Abdul.

  20. boredmilf

    Flat really? I don’t think she’s flat at all – I mean she’s not huge or anything… but if people want to see bigger titties – it wouldn’t be too hard to do – she IS plastered on the desert floor – heck get me some paint and some rollers….

  21. Italian Stallion

    I heard when Tom Cruise saw that he was crying.

    “The God’s favor Eva more then me, they even put a portrait of her in the sand when I was sleeping”. “Did I upset you Xenu”. “How much Cock do I have to suck to get to this status”. “I won’t my picture in the sand too”. “Wahhhhhh”.

  22. It may take a large Longoria to accomodate my immensity.

  23. Lexi

    Maybe it’s just the angle but… MAN HANDS!!!

    Seriously it’s tripping me out.

  24. Jill

    She’s gorgeous.

    Why do men make boobs such a redeeming quality? A woman could be 500 pounds with boils on her face and hair on her chin but would still be considered hot if she had big boobs. Eva Longoria is absolutely beautiful but for some reason some guys aren’t impressed just because her boobs aren’t big. It’s time to grow up.

  25. PapaHotNuts

    They had to put a picture of Eva Longoria big enough to see from a satellite just so Paris Hilton would not have the biggest vagina on earth.

  26. Danielabella

    umm 24? She’s gorgeous? I think not. There is gum stuck on the bottom of my shoe that looks better than Eva Longoria.

  27. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    #24 – that sounds like something I would’ve said when I was 14 because I didn’t understand men at all. Now that I’m a whore I feel I should explain something to you: If you waste all your time worrying about what men want you will find yourself in a tailspin of circular logic that will make you an angry lesbian. Lets think about it: Star Jones has big tits, Oprah has big tits, Ellen Degeneres (although you may not see them much) has good-sized tits, That fat guy on Lost has big tits. So as long as you’re not a fat, lesbian, obnoxious black woman, or a man, big tits are cool. But so are small tits. And tits in general are amusing. And if you ever ask a guy if you should get implants he will say “I think you’re fine the way you are, hell no… why would you do that” because he thinks your tits are great. Because they’re tits. Then his brain will cough and sputter and get a little creative (like when he thinks about fucking two girls instead of one), and he’ll say “if it makes you happy, then do it”, because tits are cool and big tits are cooler because there is more of them. Simple as that. Now go read a book.

  28. lebowski

    This is why people from other countries hate us. And then watch our TV shows. Now they just need to put the birthing Britney Spears statue out there, and to the left.

  29. #28

    No, if all you did was putting giant size photos of women on the desert i’m sure everyone would love you! Oh well… I would!

  30. BigJim

    Now she’s big enough to handle Wilmer’s massive cock.

  31. Wild Rose

    I find it ironic the smallest woman on television is now the largest woman in the desert!

    Fun publicity stunt!

  32. Redeemer

    Finally, the astronauts have some decent spank material. Now I wonder if NASA would mind if they jerked it in zero g’s? That would make for some interesting live feed on NASA TV.

    Which reminds me… we need porn. In space. With symphony music. Like now.

  33. dogfoodfive

    Her hands look very strange…

  34. Finally, a photo as big as her ego.

  35. whackjob

    Nice job OshKosh.

    Hey Lebowski, this isn’t why other countries hate us. Other countries hate us because they hate us. Having been to over 30 “other countries” I can say that although most were nice places to visit, compared to the US, they suck. We got our own problems to be sure.

    Ooops, went all nationalistic which I’m sure is verboten here. BTW, the Longoria piece is distraction from the massive nuke testing on hardened underground facilties to be done well north of there later this year. USG (Bush) got Maxim to do the Longoria work in order to distract “other countries” satellite image reviewers.

  36. Jill

    #27, good points.

    I am fully aware that not all men solely focus on big boobs as what constitutes as sexy. I was directing my comment towards the people who do so. And I realize that is not everyone. I think you’re right, but I don’t think you understood fully what I meant or maybe I wasn’t clear.

    “Read a book”? Nice one. It’s good to know you judge people’s intelligence based on their knowledge of the male psyche.

  37. LB

    Hmm, it’s near Lovell Canyon and Highway 160, right?

  38. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    #36 – I think everyone has sand in their vagina today, which makes me frown. I only threw in “read a book” because I thought that it would be nice to mention there are other things you can occupy your mind with as a female than what guys think about breast size. I also thought it closed the paragraph nicely. I’m into aesthetics like that.

  39. OhHowCynical

    Cool idea, but couldn’t they find someone better for their cover?

  40. aimatcha

    This girl would attend the opening of an envelope if it guaranteed her publicity. Do we really need any more “exposure” of this over-rated dingbat?

  41. #17 – Funny, I was going to say that about her entire brain.

    I think the nose would be a better plan to tan then the bellybutton.

  42. MystressJade

    Eva Longoria….eehh. average, with HUGE hands.

    Who is the chick under the “More Cowbell” girl? The Notorious Bettie Page…now she should be on the desert floor, or in my dungeon.

  43. bjpack

    I think I see Bin Laden hiding in her cleavage.

  44. cardio

    #27 – probably the most concise, useful information any woman could ever read about men. Just because you don’t like that we look at tits and want more tits and love tits and want to live between tits doesn’t make it not true. Deny it all you want. And we’ll move on to the realistic chicks.

  45. my_glorious_lawn

    Spurs guard Tony Parker who she is dating was seen trying to fold the whole thing up out there. He has the quickness and speed to do it to, like road runner, beep-beep. lol.

  46. WTF

    She Looks Like a Mexican Rat….oh wait….thats a Chihuahua!

    Plus you dont need satelite to see those teeth.

  47. gogoboots


  48. hey . my thoughts exacty. Wasted Huge Cover. Those Space Aliens should be freaking out.

  49. BarbadoSlim

    She’s just about right for my humongous Caribbean genitalia.

  50. bjpack

    It’s a good thing it wasn’t a giant magazine cover with Tom Cruise as that is the secret signal to Xenu that it is time to attack and take over.

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