Eva Longoria is sportier than Mischa Barton

March 16th, 2007 // 52 Comments
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Eva Longoria has replaced Mischa Barton as the new face of Bebe Sport, because at least Eva pretends to work out as opposed to smoking pot all day. And for some reason they celebrated the announcement with Eva Longoria’s birthday. She cleans up real nice, but she looks more than a little insane here. I’d trust her with my penis about as much as I’d trust Kirstie Alley with my Twinkie. Or Britney Spears with my baby. Or Lindsay Lohan with, well, anything.

superficial

  1. HollyJ

    Still, she’s a bag lady with no makeup

    FRIST?!

  2. serial snarkalec

    I like how she’s eating the candle wax pretending its the icing.

  3. HollyJ

    In that last pic, she’s unhinged her jaw and prepares to eat the other lady’s head like an egg-eater snake.

  4. I’m FRIST!!! What do you mean I’m not FRIST!!! Look at my name. I’m clearly FRIST!!!

  5. lookma_nohans

    Check out pic #5… she puts a little candle in her mouth and automatically starts to touch herself. God bless oral fixation.

  6. HollyJ

    I LOVE the expression on the other women’s faces in that third small pic, with Eva holding up the clean knife. It’s absolute fear

  7. llllllllll

    Is there such a thing as a Mexican Parana? Picture #5 is making me believe so

  8. FRIST!!!

    It’s just not fair. Everyone else gets to eat cake, and fall on runways, and shop braless in Beverly Hills, and fuck sobriety, and all I get to do is sit in this office 8 hours a day and fuck sobriety.

  9. HollyJ

    HollyJ <–clearly “FRIST” on this thread
    and thRId and sXIth XD

  10. Plus she has a knife.

  11. HollyJ

    @7 – Are you referring to the river in South America or did you mean “piranha?”

  12. combustion8

    hairy arms=yuck!

  13. connie2331

    is this anette funicello? in pic 7 the lady in the black dress looks like that kid who see’s ghost’s but with a sex change.

  14. DrPhowstus

    Great, we get to look down her shirt. Talk about making molehills out of mountains.

  15. llllllllll

    #11 Thanks for the spell check…to answer your question, look at pic #5 for hint

  16. That greasy skank “Isabella” from Y&R has become this famous? For what? Trying to have Paul’s illegitimate baby?

  17. whitegold

    You know, not that I’m really a fan or anything, but I’d totally hit it. To the best of my knowledge she doesn’t have any disease filled past, right? And she’s decently cute, has a nice little body on her.

    Wait a second, didn’t I already make these comments in the Tara Reid article? I clearly need to work on my originality.

  18. HollyJ

    This isn’t her birthday party. It’s obviously some club meeting of Latino women with big scary eyes and teeth.

  19. bungoone

    i sincerely doubt she’s going to eat one ounce of that cake.

    i’m wondering if she got that fake ponytail from Jessica Simpson’s line of wigs.

  20. MonkeyBrains

    The third picture seems to say “maybe I should run through here slashing everybody like Sir Lancelot in the quest for the holy grail.”

  21. FRIST!!!

    #16 nice Y&R reference. I hated her on that show. HATED HER!!!!! Never quite got over it.

  22. ^Jenna^

    Omg, what’s with all these “celebrities” making such a big fuss over well… anything in their life? She has a face like she hit an orgasm of her life, but judging but other ppl’s faces it’s not all that fun. Hope she eats the cake and her stomach will explode

  23. GooniesNeverSayDie

    That is a lame looking birthday cake. Talk about completely uninteresting.

    “I would like to order a birthday cake, please. Plain, flat frosting, no decorations, just put three words on it. If you have time, slice up one strawberry and spread the pieces around. Thanks.”

    My kids Elmo birthday cake was more fun to look at than this one–and I hate Elmo! Mr. Noodle is cool, though.

  24. Donkey

    “…and this is how a racist bitch blows out candles”

  25. ponk

    not only is Eva sportier than Mischa but Eva almost has tits. Good call Bebe, you’ve advanced from ‘little stoner boy’ to ‘cinderella whore’. here’s to ‘baby steps’ in the right direction.

  26. y is she wearing a tutu =(

  27. Ted...From LA

    I’d love to date Eva. She is perfect height to put your beer on her head.

  28. schack

    you could even stick your joints in her fake pony tail

  29. FRIST!!!

    Well, just got back from lunch, btw, turns out soft taco supreme and grande soft taco are two COMPLETELY different things. I meant supreme, but I said Grande. So…who wants my other Grande soft taco? Trust me it’s Dee-licious (not even a little bit)….

  30. bungoone

    i’m sure there are plenty of people here who want your grande soft taco, as long as it’s a meat taco.

  31. schack

    yeah. bean paste is GROSSSSSSS

    as is anything that looks the same coming in as it does coming out

  32. schack

    oh- meat taco. i get it… doesn’t quite work, but i get it

  33. whackjob

    Her moist, pink, open mouth with the curled tongue (see last pic) is not entirely unpleasant, but I’d still have to close my eyes while following the directions tatooed on her inside bottom lip reading “Park Dick Here”.

  34. bigponie

    By the way she’s holding the knife, I can tell that she doesn’t cook for tony very often.

  35. bedbugsandballyhoo

    I saw a picture on another site today of Longwhoria without any make-up and some flip-flops on. Before I scrolled down I thought she was Marcia Cross’ new nanny. She looked about 3 feet tall next to Marcia.

  36. WTFiswrongwithUppl

    Cracked

    Out

    Ballerina

  37. WTFiswrongwithUppl

    According to the cake she’s 6 years old, hence the tutu.

  38. Daldianus

    I’d do her.

  39. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Is her cake made of tacos? It ought to be made of mustche wax. Although I suppose it’s just regular cake.

  40. Ok, I’m bored. Anybody got any queludes?
    Go ahead, click my link. I dare you!!!

  41. Lowlands

    The girls on the background they must be some of her sisters.All of them probably didn’t fit on the photo.

  42. I’m here neighbor on Cahuenga. She bathes nude all the time. I watch. Just kidding. I think she lives in Australia.

  43. ponk

    I do love the Heather Mills McCartney impression in the last pic.

  44. Amy

    Why does she look like she raided her 10 yr old niece’s wardrobe?

  45. imran karim

    she’s gagging on the cake

  46. Lowlands

    With reference to the fourth photo from the left.I was wondering already about this big sword but now i know it’s actually a potatopeel-knife.

  47. Justmy2cents

    very pretty.

  48. TowelHead

    Was there anyone at that party who didn’t have a nose-job?

  49. licklick

    Right after the party she was probably mugging guests with that knife. (Old habits are sooooo hard to break.)

    It’s only because she weighs less than 200 lbs. that she is America’s darling Mex-Am because she is neither pretty nor talented.

  50. irapback

    Bitch is trying to eat that lethargic white lady in the last picture.

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