Eva Longoria is a terrible liar

March 22nd, 2006 // 70 Comments

eva_longoria_liar.jpgEva Longoria, desperate to set the record straight after calling boyfriend Tony Parker an inexperienced lover and saying “I’m the teacher, especially about love”, took to the entertainment-news shows Tuesday to defend him. Longoria told Extra and Access Hollywood that “when the lights are out, he’s the teacher,” … and “I’m the student.”

It’s a little too late now to backtrack. By now everyone assumes that Tony Parker is a terrible lover and has a tiny penis. The only way to fix this is for Eva to have sex with me. I’m not sure what this will prove, exactly.

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  1. InsomniActress

    Does this remind anyone else of Catherine Zeta Jones’ character in “America’s Sweethearts”?

    “Oh, and, Hector is very well-endowed”

  2. InsomniActress

    Does this remind anyone else of Catherine Zeta Jones’ character in “America’s Sweethearts”?

    Gwen: …Oh, and Hector is very well endowed.
    Hector: Almost too well endowed. I’ve had complaints. Literally.

  3. InsomniActress

    Does this remind anyone else of “America’s Sweethearts”?

    Gwen: …Oh, and Hector is very well endowed.
    Hector: Almost too well endowed. I’ve had complaints. Literally.

  4. tess

    I once dated a frenchman and, believe me, this lover thing is just a Myth. Those guys are only good at one thing: the Talking. They perfectly know how to seduce and conquer a girl.
    But when it comes to bed, they’re like poor, insecure kids. They basically just lay there and the woman has to do Everything.
    So, I’m not really surprised of Eva’s comments, but jeez, this girl needs to shut her mouth! She gives waaaay too much info to the medias. I mean, who cares about her brazilian wax addiction, her first orgasm, her lesbian fantasies, her vibro sessions or her bedroom practices with Tony?

  5. InsomniActress

    (sorry about the triple-post! my computer kept saying the form wasn’t going through!)

  6. TaiTai

    #50 ha ha nice one. They were right and US was wrong? Could it be? Mon Dieu!!

  7. Jacq

    #52 – I couldn’t put my finger on it. But you connected the dots for me. I would be even more willing to belive that after she declared herself “not screamy.”

  8. It is very easy to love and admire another culture….when you’ve never lived there. Go to France, attempt to get your phone hooked up, then try to buy new lighting fixtures for your porch, oh yeah, then call a plumber and wait around for him to show up….Have fun, call me in 18 months when all of that is done, because thats about how long it took, although the food there was kick ass. As for Eva, I just don’t like people that take pot shots at people they are dating. Classless and he should drop her before the self centered thing cheats on him.

  9. my_glorious_lawn

    Tim Duncan needs to go pickup his 6 foot Minny Me and tell it to penetrate better in the lane, than in Eva’s vagina, so they can conquer the world and win more NBA championships. LOL. I have tons of respect for TP9, but Eva is probably a manipulative whore.

  10. CheekyChops

    Seriously, who gives a shit?

  11. HughJorganthethird

    “Why do we hate France again? Oh yeah, those FOOLS thought this war was a bad idea.”

    No I hate France becuase french people live there. Pretty simple.

  12. derekd

    Something tells me she enjoys man-juice down her throat. Wishful thinking I suppose since I have a date with her Saturday night.
    Uh-huh thats right. Don’t worry I will spill ALL the juicy details!

  13. Sweetpea9180

    Ughhh..I hate Eva Longoria…

  14. TheREALKennyG

    Eva Longoria ate tomato soup right before that interveiw! Tom Cruise ate soup IMMEDIATELY BEFORE the infamous “couch jumping” fiasco on Oprah! Am I the only one who sees the connection here? These are the two craziest celebreties out there and I have HAD ENOUGH!
    “It wasn’t the soup.” -Eva Longoria

  15. LaydeeBug

    Whore, mousefaced, ugly chicana, puta sucia whore.

  16. She is 100% annoying.

  17. Eva has also made it clear she loves vibrators in other comments. She knows what she likes. I don’t know, I wouldn’t mind having Eva Longoria give me a few pointers. I’ll even use her vibrator on her at the same time. Sounds like fun to me.

  18. yup, kind of hard to say people mis-intrepreted what you said…

  19. iris green

    This is for all you Eva lovers..she doesn’t see love she sees dollar signs..This is not her first marriage..Apparently her first didn’t make enough for her..Hey Tony..I hope you can say PRE-NUP..I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU TAKEN FOR A RIDE FROM A TRASHY BITCH..I don’t see what all the hype about Eva is..I am not short like she is but the other as far as the dark dark bronw hair, by the way mine is natural and dark brown eyes. I am about 5’7″..Eva needs to find another sucker and leave Tony alone..RUN TONY RUN FAR AWAY…

  20. Sebhelyesfarku

    Fuckin frog munchin, stinkin faggot French! Dubya should nuke them.

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