Eva Longoria is a lawn gnome

March 16th, 2007 // 102 Comments



  1. BarbadoSlim

    My problem with this supposed oversexed mexican midget is how UGLY she really is. I could just walk out right now and point out five better looking latinas walking down any big city street. In fact, all the Desperate cast are used-up hard ridden and put away wet hags.

  2. TJH

    You know what they say about short women: they make your dick look bigger. Bonus!

  3. Lowlands

    Despite Eva Longoria is kinda short i’ve to say she looks like a brave little lawn gnome.She doesn’t wear high heels at all to cover her real length.

  4. anothershityear


  5. belle

    She looks like a Mexican midget hobo. And that chick beside her seriously needs to get some sun! Anyway, what’s up with no new news for Saint Patty’s Day Superfish?

  6. pana1718

    she might be short but i think eva is HOT! now… marcia cross looks horrible without make up she needs to take some sun o something cuz that shit is scary. if i saw her on the street like that i would not reconize her. she looks like a fuckin zombie… wtf?

  7. pana1718

    eva longoria es sexy y punto! carajo! aunque sea chaparra.

  8. Tracy

    Eva looks pregnant in the second pic.

  9. tess

    ahahaha, I was LMAO looking at this pic. It just shows how over-rated this Taco midget is. Looks like this rodent just escaped from some Maya ruins. This mexican alien should go back to Tijuana and start a Mariachi girlband or fry Churros on the street corner.

  10. Carsten5577

    She looks like a spic maid.

  11. HollyJ

    Is it my imagination but does her fat melon head make up an ungainly portion of her anatomy? IE, half her body?

  12. licklick

    Looks like they are saying ‘goodnight’ to the help.

    They had better count the silverware as that bag looks suspiciously heavy.

  13. marcia is fucking gross eva is overrated but at least shes not gross. 44 she had children at 44 nno wonder their are so any autistic and add riffled kids in the us reproducing with boiled eggs. He is a stockbroker he could not find some eastern european girl half her age craving a marriage.

  14. woodhorse

    Agree with #51: you could throw a rock in any direction in LA and hit a better looking Mexican than Eva.

  15. woodhorse

    63 – i hadn’t heard about her having autistic kids but not only are you grossly misinformed about the causes of autism, your use of the english language is retarded.

  16. Lowlands

    Because of all the emails i received from short Latinas…I lower my limit to 5’2 and 1/3 of an inch.

  17. Voracious

    Guys LIKE tiny girls.

    And do you guys have anything better than the typical ethnic “she looks like my maid” bullshit to spew? I mean when I dis white celebs here you don’t here me saying that she looks like my local trailer trash Target cashier, now do you?

  18. larryg

    Is that a love child of the Joker, or Carrot Top, standing next to her in that first photo? I can’t tell. eek.

  19. But what you fail to miss in comment #67 Voracious, is that the “white celebs” that appear here ARE “your local trailer trash Target cashiers”. Its not our fault that you refuse to recognize it!

  20. Sheva

    This makes more desperate househos look good.
    These chicks don’t look good. Shoot MC is haggard as in H-A-G.


  21. MizScarlett

    #1 – Best… post… ever. (“I like to bee in Amedica, everyone freee in Amedica…”)

    By the by, am I the only one missing PapaHotNuts? Where the sam hill IS he?

  22. Adrine

    she looks like a granny in those clothes.

  23. andrewthezeppo

    49, 63 – Marcia rocks, so shove it! She’s 44, not wearing make-up and just gave birth to twins! She looks fantastic

  24. Lobo

    In pic three, Eva looks like she’s practicing the Olsen twin duck lip pose.

  25. MrSemprini

    Never mind Eva. Marcia is doing a bang-up Mr. Grinch, and the dude is a dead ringer for the reindeer dog.

  26. Simon1701e

    http://www.badastronomy.com/ has the answer to this conundrum. It is because she is standing on a slope that she looks so short.

  27. nychag

    obese 500 lbs, greasy hair, toothless, sweats and ripped tees, 60%

    and before you say it.. we all now NY is nothing like the rest of backwards america

  28. BarbadoSlim


    I bet your name is Lupe


  29. clairargent

    @#24 Because in Europe everyone who is famous truly deserves it and there is no celebrity worship and everyone is smarter and better. Let me take this oppportunity to thank you for giving us the Spice Girls. We’re not worthy.

  30. murmurzz

    #77: Roger that. New York is nasty. Nasty in all capital letters with numerous exclamation points. And underlined a couple times. Hear hear!

    And backwards America? Really?

  31. smaddox

    As a Scandi-European (from Norway) I think I can safely say that “most” people are NOT beautiful… (that includes celebs and non-celebs a like) Unless they are made up and airbrushed… in that case anyone can look great!

    but, back to the point.. she looks like poster #1 described… ’nuff said

  32. KatieKates

    Eva Longoria is an ugly turd, but at least she isn’t wearing those orthopedic shoes that Marcia Cross has on.

  33. Voracious

    Barbado-No, I’m not. So what if I were? Any hard-working Mexican is superior to YOUR little punk-ass any day.

  34. BarbadoSlim

    Nope, you are wrong.

  35. BarbadoSlim


  36. veggi

    bobble head.

  37. misterdammit

    Dude, the average American female is only 5’4″/5’5″. If she’s 5’2″, she’s way closer to being normal than her freakishly tall friend there (who are these people? I’ve never even heard of them).

  38. snarkey's machine

    Here’s a challenge- make fun of something she actually has control over- like, being an idiotic fame whore. Ridiculing the fact that she’s short is WEAK.

  39. isitin

    That guy in the picture reminds me of The Professor from Gilligans Island.

  40. Toni

    I don’t see what the problem with Eva is, she is so hot, ok she is short when Tony Parker stands next to her he looks like Shaq and he is only 6ft2. Still she is sexy! And so what if she is fame hungry – isn’t everyone in the USA and Europe exactly the same?

  41. WTF?

    Fallen Arches? EWWWWW!

  42. Peter Allen

    Well, I’d still bang her, don’t care how short is as long as she’s tight, LOL!!

  43. Avatar

    OMG! Eva is a midget! I mean I think she’s lying about being 5’2! She looks like she is 4’11! I think she looks cute, but, she’s to skinny to be a land gnome. I think she’s some sort of wood sprite or something!
    Marcia Cross looks sick! I get that like a good amount of redheads she’s fair-skinned but come on! That is like almost albino! She needs to get some sort of sunless tanner. I mean, I know she is heliophobic, some sun won’t kill you. Unless she have that strange allergy to sun?

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  45. jess

    Fuck, I’m 5’3″ and I get plenty of attention. What the hell is wrong with being 5’2″? She’s a girl. Fine if you’re a guy and you’re 5’5-5’6 you’re screwed, look weird ass but hello, like jessica simpson si small but no-one syas she’s less. Same with carmen electra, lucy liu, jennifer love-hewitt, sarah-jessica parker, sarah michelle-gellar….wtf is wrong with you people? You must be so frikkin SAD!!!! No life! Just bag the shit out of her.

  46. I have to agree with 95, if a girl is hot, guys don’t care if they’re tiny. And there are so many tiny celebs out there that are super hot like carmen electra, scarlett johansson, and even vanessa paradis the french model and singer is only 5’3.
    I think most of these people who are making nasty childish comments about Eva and about mexicans are obviously not even adults, probably sad kids (or even lab monkeys) that have nothing better to do, especially you barbadoslim, your comments are just simply ignorant as hell! You’re probably a sad fat kid that just sits infront of a computer and type shit about people all day because you are sad and you need a mac. LOSER!
    Anyway, Eva is gorgeous and so is jada pinkett, and jessica simpson.

    peace and love!!

  47. Realme2008

    She obviously lies about her height you idiots! She is not 5’2″. She is 5’0″ or 4’11″, and that’s the height she is listed as on celebheight.com. Marcia Cross is 5’8″, and she is tall but not freakishly so. Eva is very close to the height of a midget.

  48. It doesn’t matter how you look at a lady like Eva Longoria she is truly one of the top five most beautiful female actresses in the business today.
    Truly Beautiful.

  49. It doesn’t matter how you look at a lady like Eva Longoria she is truly one of the top five most beautiful female actresses in the business today.
    Truly Beautiful.

  50. It doesn’t matter how you look at a lady like Eva Longoria she is truly one of the top five most beautiful female actresses in the business today.
    Truly Beautiful.

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