Eva Longoria is a lawn gnome

March 16th, 2007 // 102 Comments
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superficial

  1. ponk

    That’s Eva? I used to buy blankets and switchblades from her in tiajuana.

  2. Just give her a cup holder hat and have her stand next to my couch, everyone is born for something.

  3. NicotineEyePatch

    I think she prefers the term ‘pube jockey’.

  4. Ossie19

    fourth! I am never this high up!

  5. wen

    Eva is really without a lot of makeup! She really needs it- sheesh!

  6. wen

    oops, I meant “Eva is really ugly without a lot of makeup!”

  7. I just want to scoop her up and put her on the dashboard of my car.

  8. Ossie19

    Marcia Cross probably thought she was a lost child and then dropped her off at the closest elementary school.

  9. icedfire

    Ahh, the power of perspective in photography is amazing.

    She looks like a Spanish professor I had who would eat bags of Yerba Mate and shriek at small children in passing.

  10. troegs

    14 year old posers kick ass!

  11. troegs

    @9 – slope is key

  12. mrs.t

    Marcia Cross needs a blood transfusion.

  13. schack

    you can tell they’re talking about the photographers… wait, is there one over there? oh- yeah- look, inside the sewer- see the little lens poppin up?

  14. oh800weirdo

    5, makeup doesn’t make her grow now, does it?

    anyway, in a funny way she looks like some estranged hobbit-/kid-mixture type creature out of brothers grimm story.. so cute, makes me want to put her in my showcase lol

  15. Lowlands

    I always thought she was a tall woman.But now it seems she’s just a inferior subvariant of a Hobbit.

  16. Lowlands

    I always have the urge with this kinda girls to give them a lunchbag and send them to elementary school.

  17. woodhorse

    I want to see an episode of the housewives standing at a cosmetic counter in the mall and Eva is jumping up (now you see her head, now you don’t) and saying “let me see! let me see!” till finally Marcia picks her up under one arm and holds her there while she finishes paying for her purchase.

  18. oanababy

    Dude … Eva’s 5’2″ and Marcia’s 5’10″. If you’re keeping score, that’s an 8″ difference.

  19. elizabeththewellread

    She’s a snowflake of a girl, but I like her.

  20. BarbadoSlim

    Why are the paps taking pictures of Consuela, the illegal mexican cleaning woman?

  21. Sheva

    Hmmm bang Consuela or the neighborhood bag lady.
    Okay if I must choose, I bang lil Consuela.

  22. julyper

    Not a Desperate Housewives fan, but isn’t Eva supposed to play a former Super Model? What she models? OshKosh B’Gosh?

  23. iamsosmrt

    In the first pic why are they all laughing and smiling away.
    Look in a mirror folks, the jokes on you!

    In the second pic they’re saying “have fun at the dance and be home by 8 o’clock pumpkin”

    and then they whisper to each other “when are we going to tell her that she’s adopted and that that tanning bed broke years ago.”

  24. xeurohottiex

    She is so overrated, and this just proves that Americans are attracted to anything that walks on two legs and has their 15 mins of fame on television. I can’t even imagine what your “non celebs” look like.

  25. NotTheMomma

    according to imdb, she’s 5’2″.
    so yeah, she’s a midget or something.
    she’s got some nice legs tho.

    • Lina

      MEN WANT MEAT,DOGS LIKE BONES. Most women in the world are below 5’7″! the average American woman is 5’4″. models arent known for beauty! they look like 7 foot tall teenage boys.Look up marilyn monroe,vida guerra,kim kardashain,shakira,Marika fruscio,mulher melao,mayra veronica,coco austin,Sarah lime,Monica santiago,Arab,latina,italian,armen­ian,etc women! all these women are not tall I listed either!! actually, shorter women have more estrogen which explains curves! ppl need to stop with these ugly crackhead 7 foot tall models!

  26. lambman

    Yeah Marcia Cross! I hope she comes back to housewives soon, its just not the same without her!

  27. imran karim

    a hot gnome

  28. ImaCracka

    She looks like the illegal that cleans my house… nothing special……

    GET BACK TO WORK VATO!!!!!!!!!

  29. Binky

    #9 Yerba Mate ? No – not the YERMA MATE ! I was involved with a Yerma Mate inhaler for months last year. Argentina !?~? I should have offered up some lawn shavings just to be sociable. (Kava is hard to get up here.)
    (If you skip this fishy blog for weeks it’s almost like skipping your homework. Without the guilt.)
    I’m so busy I’ll steal material.
    Lewis Black on Canadian TV show today: ‘Do us a favor and invade us. We’re so out of it we won’t even notice.’ (Better call Viacom kids)
    Jeremy Holtz (same show) : ‘And then they voted him in again. That’s like knowing all the questions on a test beforehand – and still failing’ ( Don’t worry America – Holtz was in Speed 2 – this guy doesn’t get work)

  30. Binky

    Ok it’s ‘YerBa mate’.
    And the joke was “knowing all the ANSWERS on a test.”
    Ok. Been away on a reality type thing – etc.-
    I’m just a little rusty.
    Please don’t ‘Valerie Plame’ me.

  31. iamsosmrt

    See having an adopted child/servant has worked out really well for some celebs. Maybe there is hope for the Brangeliar compound.

  32. iamsosmrt

    See having an adopted child/servant has worked out really well for some celebs. Maybe there is hope for the Brangeliar compound.

  33. Binky

    (Oh and Eva – maybe stick to the heels)

  34. wink

    I’m 5’2″…..if ya got ah problem…….off

  35. Barbie

    In the second picture they appear to be laughing rudely behind her back at her gnome-like stature…nice.

  36. Binky

    Re #30 ‘Plame me’
    It’s getting hard to trust the right wing down there lately.
    Like… at least Monica Lewinsky didn’t blow any covers.

  37. Binky

    I’m always amazed at how quickly the political machines get working.
    My people are now saying, “At Least Monica Lewinsky Didn’t Blow any Covers” has already been adopted as a ‘key’ slogan for Hillary’s campaign and the Tee-Shirts are on their way to the Asian sweatshops as we…ummmm… ramble on…
    Obama’s campaign is said to be ‘surprised’ at the cheap use of subtle jingoism.
    John Edward’s hair moved.
    And John McCain’s camp still screams: “Geneva Convention !”

  38. cayana

    La se

  39. She really needs to put her makeup back on.

  40. Amy

    what’s wrong with being short?

  41. idiotcelebs

    Wow, she’s tiny…

  42. Digistrom

    Marcia! Marcia! Marcia! Can’t help but love her!
    I said ‘but love’ uhuhuhuhuuhuhuh!

  43. lattygirl

    is it just me or is her head really, really huge?

  44. Lowlands

    I recommend her boyfriend/husband when she needs to cool off, to put her on regular base in a grocerybag and hang it on a hook at the ceiling.

  45. Lowlands

    5’2″=1,25 m?

  46. woodhorse

    I’m 5’5″ and I would tower over her. She is lying about her height. I would say more like 4’10″ from the photo. Midget. She should admit she’s a midget and up the statistics for midgets employed in the movie industry.

  47. Y&R’s “Isabella” just can’t seem to stay out of the lens? Or has the Paparat’s gotten so desperate that they are willing to snap Coney Island dwarf pics, and pass them off as celebs?

  48. jenniferc

    EWWWWWWWW

  49. k naz

    eva looks better with makeup but not BAD without it. you are all overlooking the fact that MARCIA is the TRUE HAG here.

  50. Lowlands

    My limit for Latinas is 5’3″.I’m sorry for this girl,just an inch too short…

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