Eva Longoria gets her bikini on

July 2nd, 2007 // 87 Comments
eva-longoria-bikini-candids-00.jpg

“Thanks for letting me borrow your bikini, grandma.”

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are currently in St. Tropez, France having a joint bachelor/bachelorette party before their wedding this weekend. And because it’s St. Tropez, of course Eva Longoria was spotted in her bikini. Although i wouldn’t really consider this thing a bikini. I barely even consider it clothes. I could put together a more flattering outfit by just throwing a bowl of spaghetti at her.

NOTE: I’m 90% sure she peed herself here.

superficial

  1. wastedOne

    Worst bikini ever! Desperately needing a meal and some curves….

  2. DumbAss

    I bet she gives taco flavored kisses…

  3. LL

    I saw this first on another site and feel the same way now as I did before: that shit is fugly. Not her, necessarily, but the suit. Hot chicks think they can wear anything and still look hot. Untrue. The top part (which is too close to her skin tone) is mashing her boobs down (not that she’s overly endowed anyway) and the bottom part is just nasty looking, like something a hooker would reject as too trashy-looking. The blue one is better, though the bandeau top is not flattering either. Small-boobed chicks: you can’t wear things that squash your boobs flat, it makes you look like you have the chest of a 12-year-old boy.

    Eva, stick with a simple red bikini and you’re good to go.

  4. Oh come on she is way hotter than any girl any of you guys have ever dated.

    Anyways I used to read this blog all the time but I got tired of it not being updated enough so I started my own site http://www.topsecretgossip.com. If you want more frequently updated celeb news check it out.

  5. PunjabPete

    4′ 9″ tall titless little fuck monster…

  6. Arguman

    She is in need of makeup.

  7. she iz the most ugliezt?
    bitch , and she’s built like
    a boy..grow titz?->??

  8. Chivone

    Tony Parker is a child molester.

  9. lambman

    She’s not the hottest chick in the world, but she’s funny on her show.

    also, honestly Jessica Alba is just a boyish lately

  10. Ooba Gooba

    This chick is not worthy of all the attention she gets. She’s just not that good looking. Once her show goes off the air and she divorces her basketball playing hubby (even though they aren’t even married yet), her career will be like Britney Spears’: GONE

  11. Aja

    I am so tired of this overrated conceited stuck up untalented little bitch

  12. Gerald Tarrant

    I agree with #5.

    She looks fat. She should go on a diet and lose some weight.

    Fatty.

  13. ssdd

    I don’t know what is worse…the yellow suit..or Pic5 showing that she has absolutely no curves of a waistline..

  14. H.A.L.9000

    i like the blue bikini but gawd David Bowie would look hotter in that first one/ at least he’s got hips

  15. 1MILFhunter

    I though in pic #2 she had on a maxi-maxi pad. A mucho maxi.

  16. She’s on the rag.

  17. Italian Stallion

    I’d let her give me a rusty trombone, that’s about it………

  18. Wanky

    @7 lol i havent heard that in a while…

  19. Snatch

    I wonder what rhymes with “meth”. Isn’t that the first thing she’d sell out for?

  20. Snatch

    Damn, I thought this was the Fergie post. Oh well – you never know.

  21. kayla

    No waist, no hips…just a plain rectangular torso. My brother has more curves than her.

  22. Brianna

    Just because she doesn’t have curves doesn’t mean you guys should hate on her. Some people are born that way, a lot of women can’t help their boyish, waif-like figures. A few years back the meaning of beauty was stick thin, now it’s curvy? That absurd, you’re born with what you’re born with.

    And as far as that swimsuit goes, none of you have taste in high fashion, Abercrombie-loving scumbags.

  23. boo

    thunder thighs . . .

  24. #14=hottezt chick in the world!
    I don’t think zo…U zo want to
    have her babiez…fuck, shez ugly…

  25. Megan

    Check out canyon-news.com for entertainment news as well as many other great features

  26. Smoking Hot

    I never got what Carlos saw in her. He’s hot. Even that beotch blond whats-her-face is more attractive than washed-out shrimpy. And that is saying A LOT.

  27. 24

    anorexic is the word…….

  28. whatever

    She is one ugly midget

  29. frenchie

    A straw cowboy hat!?!?!?!

  30. Lea

    that first pic is bad … it looks like she is literally peeing… what an unfortunate snap :p

  31. Kathleen

    She is too skinny. I agree, she definitely needs a burger.
    Her friend looks waaay better than her in the white and red bikini.

  32. woodhorse

    Agree with #10. She should be the pin-up girl for midgets and the midgets should comment on her.

  33. malarky

    Boney McBonebones

  34. iren33

    THE.WORST.BIKINI.EVER.

  35. Doomhammer

    Swimsuit one courtesy of Trash Italia

    Swimsuit two courtesy of TJ Maxx

  36. jrzmommy

    Why is that little boy high-fiving his mom? and doesn’t she know it’s not safe to let her little boy ride a wave runner without a life jacket?

  37. Youko

    Why are all the jokes ALL THE FUCKING SAME? “I could go to a store, close my eyes, and randomly throw things at a mannequin and put together a better outfit.” That’s from last week’s Britney’s belly post from last week.

    What happened to the writer from last year? It looks like the current writer is trying to imitate him/her, but fails so miserably by repeating the same jokes, but I feel more embarrassed by these painfully overused jokes.

    I’m not good with jokes and humor, so I’m not saying I could do a better job, but I’m sure there’s people out there who can write MUCH better stuff than this garbage.

  38. Texas Tranny

    Ugliest bikini I’ve ever seen. I have seravl that are prettier. tee hee

  39. #42==hey yokoboneonebitch…
    It ain’t all about jokez..
    WTF==itz about trazhin skankz
    like U, bitch..how about leaving
    no one needz your complaining azz,
    what do U think thiz iz,Comedy Central?

  40. bungoone

    that gold thing is not flattering on her. and what’s with all the metal? i hope a shark comes & bites her bony ass.

    and can’t you just hear her whining in pic. 4:
    “but toooooneeey, this diamond isn’t big enough!”

  41. p911gt10c

    I’d have to agree, looks like she’s peeing there.
    That’s hot.

  42. BlohansDeviatedSeptum

    Time to diet. cow.

  43. havoc

    She is awfully scrawny. Not in a good way. She looks like a shivering chihuahua.

    Don’t get me wrong. I’d still stick it up her pooper…..

    .

  44. miss oblivious

    I like how she keeps trying to make it look like she’s got an ass in all these pics; the way she sticks her mini butt out in almost every pic. Poor girl, I’m sure her fiance wishes she had more junk in the trunk too; you know how the brothers love them some booty. She probably catches him looking at all the girls w/ the bootyliciousness going on all the time and gets all insecure. haha. Go wax your mustache instead you little imp.

  45. teeteetdot

    What a weird little woman.

  46. DancingQueen

    That is the most unflattering swimsuit ever. The dark part at the bottom makes it looks like her bush is hanging out! Nasty! And the way the bottom is cut makes her hip/thigh area look big, which it obviously isn’t. Yo Eva, in the future try looking in the freaking mirror before you expose us all to your ugly-ass suit.

  47. wedgeone

    #12 & 29 – I call bullshit, because you forgot the “s” in the word “she”. The real zanyfuglykelli NEVER uses the “s”. Zhenaniganz, mizter troll!! Plz follow #42 out, as you so advised that person in your #44.

    Fish – Wake up, my precious!! It’s after 10 on the East Coast & news is happening:
    1. Pete Doherty pleads guilty to new drug charges – http://www.timesdaily.com/article/20070703/APE/
    707030630&cachetime=5
    2. Joe Francis & GGW is being sued for the sexual harassment of a former employee:
    http://cbs2.com/topstories/local_story_183211736.html

    Get with it Fish! The world is going by & you’re missing it!!!!

  48. That isn’t piss, it is her getting really really wet thinking of my thick 9

  49. RebJam

    a boy in a bikini how charming. .

  50. One day I will stab Tony Parker right in the testicle as this ho watches … fucking Spurs.

    ANYWAY, MY NEWEST BOOB SHOT IS UP — CLICK THE ABOVE LINK AND FOLLOW THE TRI-LINK N THE FIRST POST.

    And no, I am not put off by shamelessly pandering for referrals …

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