Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban flew to Tahiti on Monday to get away from paparazzi for their honeymoon, but when they got there they found Eva Longoria and Tony Parker staying at the same resort. Their plane landed just minutes after Nicole’s and they’re staying just a few meters down the boardwalk at the St. Regis resort in Bora Bora.
If there’s any way to ruin a honeymoon it’s to share it with Eva Longoria. Not only will your husband be staring at her the entire time, she’s also a freak in bed. Which means you’ll have to try to make love to your husband with Eva screaming like a monkey in the background and saying things like, “The butter! Use the butter! Where’s the Dong Master 3000? Dip it in the butter! It’s time for the donkey. Get the donkey out of the bathroom. I need the donkey!”
NOTE: I don’t know what a Dong Master 3000 is. I don’t even know if it exists. I just made it up, so please don’t try to look it up you sick sick pervert.