Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are married

July 6th, 2007 // 103 Comments

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker got married in a civil ceremony in Paris today. The two will have a second ceremony tomorrow at Paris’s Eglise Saint-Germain l’Auxerrois, followed by a lavish celebration at Vaux-le-Vicomte. Which is just a whole lot of words I have no idea how to say. I tried to learn some French from a Parisian woman once, but whenever she was around me all she could say were pleasurable moans.

Photos: Splash

  1. Uber Jalemon

    not frist

  2. yolatengo

    she looks like she weighs around 80 lbs.

    its like the face of a grown woman planted on top of a 13 yr old girl.

    not like

  3. SportsBeat(off)

    First Tony Parker won the NBA championship, and then he married Eva Longoria. So he’s pretty much back to zero.

  4. Jethro

    Not first, but a very low number!!

  5. Uber Jalemon

    The dress is too long. And what kind of funky fabric is it made of ? it looks like patato bag fabric.

  6. veggi

    This is very interesting…..NOT! haha. Totally psyched ya out, man!

  7. Jethro

    Why is the person in pic 6 using a chanel bag as a purse?

  8. FreeWaterfallJr


    Let just hope this post wouldn’t result in a french people bashing.

  9. Chauncey Gardner

    Who fucking cares? It’s not like it’s going to last any longer than any other bullshit celebrity marriage. Especially cine he’s a big douchebag, she’s a crazy slut, and they’re both on minute 12 of their 15 minutes of fame. It’s pretty much already over.

  10. veggi

    Back when she was giving all those interviews, she said Tony loved it when she slid a finger into his butt right as he came, with him yelling out “AND ONE!”

  11. YouRang

    Tony Parker is a millionaire NBA star in his twenties, and he just got married. He must be an unbelievable dullard.

  12. #8:

    she’s just trying to make sure everyone knows she’s eva’s friend. not her POOR friend. and she looks pissed. i would be too if my legs were that white.

  13. SportsBeat(off)

    erm…he was the MVP of the NBA finals this year (when his team won the championship), so I don’t think his time in the spotlight is up quite yet…

  14. Hecubus

    OHMYGOD I just pissed myself with excitement. The only thing that could make this more exciting to me is if I knew who either of these fuckfaces were or if I cared to find out.

  15. jay cee

    Tony looks absolutely amazing next to his blushing bride.

  16. ccc

    this outfit should be on the worst dressed list. It’s disgusting.

  17. Freedom Fries

    All the French papers carried analyses of what might be wrong with her hairless underarms.

  18. domingoflores

    she must of promised him to get implants and to let him have anal sex

  19. gay4girls

    Tony Parker, aka TP, aka Toilet Paper is a Total Pussy. Fuck him, fuck the Spurs, and fuck his little lawn gnome of a makeup dependent wife/whore. I hope she sneezes during sex and clenches his dick off and he bleeds to death over the course of six excruciating months. That is all.

  20. whitegold

    Wow, she just oozes class, doesn’t she. I mean, I know this was just the civil ceremony and all, but seriously, who thinks it’s a good idea to go to something like that wearing porn star heels and a skirt that barely covers anything?! If she wants to walk around like that 99% of the time, that’s fine. But for your friggin wedding, put on something a little nicer, would ya?!?

  21. whitegold

    Oh, and not that I was looking too closely for him, but why doesn’t it appear that her husband is any of these pics with him?! I dunno if there were before or after, but either way, shouldn’t they be seen together in at least one of these pics, given that they just got married and all?!?

  22. Donkey

    Hey… it’s the “Flat Chested Little Leg Show”

  23. Tim

    Why hasn’t anybody noticed that Tony Parker is not in any of these pictures??? Wake up, people!

  24. where are my pants?

    Tim. King of stupid pointless observations. Uh, duh, wake up people! dur durt dur.

  25. Donkey

    Are these stills from a Degree antiperspirant commercial?

  26. jrzmommy

    OOPS–she’s the bride? mea culpa….I gave her my empty drink glass….I just assumed she was the maid.

  27. hydrog

    Holy shit Tony Parker married a lawn gnome!!!!!

  28. Jimbo

    Poor Tony. He could be nailing a different hot young chick every night. Forget that, it could be 2 or 3 or 10 of them every night. Instead he marries a screechy pushy old lady. The only explanation is that he must have had a skinny angry mom who spanked him every time he woke up with morning wood. You don’t ever recover from that

  29. We-Le-Surrender....

    Any chance they will stay in France? Any? Please?

  30. hydrog

    Yea, she MUST take it up the pooper… it’s the only explanation.

  31. Ooba Gooba

    This skank is going to milk this ceremony for all it’s worth. We haven’t heard the last of it, this is just the beginning. I give it a year, tops.

  32. jrzmommy

    #30–your name….that’s fucking great.

  33. missj

    I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE her shoes. I guess that makes me a porn star!!!

  34. wanky

    amazing what makeup can do….she is still a little boy in a wig though

  35. rosie's mustach

    I spy with my little eye BRIDEZILLA!!!! There and there and there and there and there….

    Here’s what wedding day will be like:

    “NO, NO, NO, I said I wanted all the guests to wear FLAT SHOES ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”


    “OMIGOD Why is Jessica Alba here?… GET HER OUT!”


  37. Kamihi

    Wow she got married in hooker shoes? tastefully done – NOT.

  38. lambman

    Um, its a civil union not a wedding. Its the custom in many countries to have the civil union one day and the wedding another.

    This is like the equal to obtaining your marriage license in the USA.

    you know this attention junkie is going to have a much bigger dress than that

  39. flavio

    why do people think she’s hot? she looks more like a monkey than mariah carey. she is boney, and her “smile” is scary.

  40. Rose Knech

    “Um, its a civil union not a wedding. Its the custom in many countries to have the civil union one day and the wedding another.”

    Fuck you and your fuckin “facts”! If it’s about another country, we don’t care and it doesn’t matter. We’ll make fun of whatever version of the story works best for us.


  41. Flo

    In french, we can “vive la mariée!!”
    her dress is Chanel …

    Florence, from Paris ;)

  42. MissPMS

    Why did they put a little boy in a dress? I didn’t bother to actually read the article.

  43. rosie's mustach

    #41. That was obnoxious, yet fucking hilarious (my favorite combination). That was my first LOL of the day. Thanks I needed that.

  44. ha ha

    It’s Kelly Ripa’s body on Eva’s head. Ripa looks like a little boy too, and she thinks she looks good. What a joke.

  45. Maggie

    is that eva longoria??

  46. We-Le-Surrender....

    Ahhh.. Paris…. Which reminds me… Try this…

    Go to Google. enter this… “french military victories” and press I’M Feeling Lucky….

    France is drafting a proposal for a full surrender to Tony as we speak…. He is Le Gargantuan…. Wee wee…

  47. miss oblivious

    Um…WHO THE FUCK CARES??!!! Is that stupid housewives show even on the air anymore? Once its gone, she’s history; just another trophy wife (and not much of a trophy at that).

  48. JrsyGrl

    Ugly dress.

  49. zhe iz the ugliezt
    little boy that I have
    ever zeen??
    Her marriage will lazt
    about 3 dayz???zhez a
    run out the backdoor Ho????

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