Greetings, exalted one. Allow me to introduce myself. I am The Superficial Writer, Jedi Knight and friend to Captain Photo Boy Solo. (He withheld sex until I wrote that.) I know that you are powerful, mighty reader, and that your anger with us not posting must be equally powerful. As a token of my goodwill, I present to you a gift: These rehashed photo galleries from the past year. They have boobs in them. And sometimes butts.
Emma Watson‘s pastie-covered breast slipped out of her dress which somehow was more of an Internet draw than Jon Hamm‘s penis. A penis that if you stare at it long enough, appears in your dreams and calls you pathetic. But, no, you guys have to be all, “Hermoine’s boob! OoooooOOOOOooooohhhhHHH!” Which is exactly why we lost Lucky Strike. *presses intercom* Miss Blankenship? COFFEE. And I don’t care if you’re dead. *pulls out recorder* Chicken of the Sea, Chicken of the Sea… A couple snowed in for the winter suddenly gets hungry. In the fire appears Satan, but he’s dressed like a fisherman, holding a net. “Sandwiches?” he says…