Emma Watson at The Elle Style Awards

*opens envelope*

Greetings The Superficial,

We’re pleased to announce that your Emma Watson coverage has garnered you the prestigious and exclusive title of “NAMBLA-Friendly Site,” making you eligible to reap the benefits of such recognition. Pending availability in his schedule, star of screen and television, Charlie Sheen will snort crack cocaine off a plaque engraved in your hon-

Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod. EEEEEEE!!!

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Getty, Splash News