Eminem, Ex-Wife getting hitched soon

January 12th, 2006 // 30 Comments

*eminem_thumb1.jpgAccording to the Macomb County clerk’s office, Kim Mathers has applied for a license to marry Marshall Bruce Mathers III, aka Eminem. The license was to be ready on Thursday.

They have 33 days from the application date to remarry in Michigan, but information on the wedding has been scant. The couple reconciled in late 2004, after a divorce in 2001 that included an ugly custody battle over his young daughter.

Most of what I know about relationships I learned from a gaggle of wise but strangely flexible chinese prostitutes, but even I have my doubts about this working out. In debating whether to marry Eminem, I’d have to think “husband-to-be wrote songs about killing me” would weigh pretty heavily on the ‘con’ side. If I was Kim, I’d definitely be sleeping with a baseball bat. I’d also definitely be playing with my boobs.

Eminem, Ex-Wife Apply for Marriage License [NY Daily News]


  1. SuperSpence

    Let’s face it, Marshall Mathers is going to prison sooner or later. If re-marrying his wife brings her eventual murder and his eventual conviction for her murder closer, that’s nothing but karmic convergence.

  2. thebor

    Em must be out of material, and needs to go back to the well. I’m seeing an OJ type future for him.

  3. RedJenny

    Hey, if your marriage to a coke whore don’t work out the first time then “try, try again”.

    Seriously good luck with that guys! ha!

  4. andrewthezeppo

    Also, I know she’s the mother of his kid and all…but he’s really rich and famous now and could find a much hotter wife…perhaps one that doesn’t inspire murderous rage

  5. CheekyChops

    I lost all respect for him when he shagged Mariah Scary.

  6. HollyJ

    He shagged Mariah!?

    Holy nasty-hole batman! How do I miss this shit?

    Did his shlong later shrivel with pustules and fall off?

  7. MortyFishbein

    What? He had Mariah? Goddamn her . . . she said I was the only one. I guess I should’ve suspected otherwise when the turnstile at the foot of her bed was broken and I had to jump it.

    Seriously, I have to commend him for wanting to keep his family in tact and makes things work with his wife and child. That is a quality missing from Hollywood. That’s the ONLY compliment you’ll hear me pay this sociopath.

  8. Sheva

    Emmy, get that ring on because statistically you have to be part of the majority stats on killing your Ho coke snorting wife.

    Sorry, this guy is way to overimportant for making noise.
    If he was black, he wouldn’t even get any attention.
    Yup, I said it.

  9. Thats Eminem’s way though. He’s from Detroit and has no choice but to keep it that way. He’s always loved her, as I am sure many of you still love someone dearly, you’d like to give it another shot with.

    ‘You see I’m…
    ‘Just Marshall Mathers…
    ‘I’m just a regular guy I don’t know why
    ‘All the fuss about me…
    ‘Nobody ever gave a fuck before
    ‘All they did was doubt me…
    ‘Now everybody wanna run they mouth
    ‘And try to take shots at me…

    He was right.

  10. MP$40

    Don’t know if you all know this but Kim Mathers has a son named Whitney who is 2. She had him while she was divorced from Em. I wonder who that baby daddy is?

  11. prideofchucky

    Off topic: Not to be a wise ass but shouldn’t it be “a gaggle of flexible but strangely wise chinese prostitutes”?
    You must hide ALOT more sage-like asian hookers than I do, Hell and I’m living in the little tyko part of town.

    “Most of what I know about relationships I learned from a gaggle of wise but strangely flexible chinese prostitutes”

  12. the1uDontKnow

    don’t hate on the guy for wanting his family back…some people grow up after some time passes by, have you?

  13. WaitWhat?

    I think it’s great that they’re going to try to work it out. I hope it works, especially for their daughter. But he should’ve thought of this when he was writing songs about murdering her. She must be very forgiving…or a gold-digging whore

  14. beachgirl53

    Now all they need to do is hitch up the ole mobile home and head out on a red-neck honeymoon…nothing says love like a few cans strung from the back of a camper. Yeehaaw!

  15. aims_25

    I do think it is great to try and keep a family unit together but in this case I think its a futile attempt. On Em’s side she’s a crack whore and she MIGHT not be one now but once a crack whore always a crack whore (and notice I said might cos frankly who knows if she’s back on the shit). And personally even though some people preach the importance of a proper family unit I honestly believe in some cases children are better off with one parent than two. This is one of those cases. Is having a junkie mother’s influence a good thing for Hayley? I think not. Plus she’ll be subjected to some pretty scary arguments going on their previous form. If they do get married I give it a year. Tops. Then he’ll either kill the whore or they’ll just do their usual break up routine. Plus she’s feral. He could get someone better. (I’d do him. Any day.)

    On Kim’s side he said so much horrible shit about her, never being one to hide his feelings or hold back. I am not sure why she’d be with him again when he claimed he wanted to kill her.

    Maybe she IS a gold digging whore….

  16. Kitchy

    HIs birthday is the same day as mine. Does thatmake me a MORON too? I love your music man but you DO NOT have you or your daughter’s best interest here. Once a controlling addict always one, sorry. I am disappointed, I thought he grew up and became a proffesional and a real father. I suppose you can take the man out of the trailer park but can’t take the trailer park out of the man or TAKE THE STUPIDITY OUT OF HIS BRAIN???

    It’s garbage day…the white trash needs to be put out (of his misery!)

    Dude, and I was going to invite you into my upper middle class house for a casserole too. Your loss man…it’s Tuna noodle bake.


    who the hell gives a shit anyway…am i the only one who thinks this guy is a total FAG!

  18. tess

    I thinK that Eminem has some serious self-steem issues. I can’t believe he hasn’t gotten over this trailer trash coke addict yet. How can he he remarry kim, knowing that she lied to him, betrayed him and cheatwed on him so many times before? Doesn’t he remember all the times he caught her in the doggystyle position with one of his buddis? Doesn’t he remember that she got knocked up one day… but the baby wasn’t his? Doesn’t he remember all the times she ran away leaving him alome to provide for their child and the bastard she had with the milkman?
    Poor Em. Can’t he just move on and date a healthy and honest girl?

  19. A-Bomb

    “thebor” posted earlier how this is an OJ Simpson round 2 on its way and i agree with that statement 10 fold. i mean the only thing separating this hick who can rap and an unemployed wife-beating hick is about $50 million. i give it less than two years before Mr. Mathers is telling us on Fox News that he will never stop at trying
    to find Kim’s killers and is being represented by OJ.

  20. GrappleHooks

    Seriously, Kim must be Em’s beard to stay in his life the way she does. Either she’s got some serious dirt on him, he’s very forgiving, or he’s been studying OJ defense strategy but whichever it is, it will end in disaster. Like is always does.

  21. slinkhard

    ‘Poor Em. Can’t he just move on and date a healthy and honest girl?’

    He’s hardly healthy and honest himself. I’ve no doubt he’s cheated on her before, and if she can forgive him wanting to kill her, I guess he should be able to forgive her cheating.

  22. Nurse Kellie

    After a long car chase, we will see this unfold on Court TV.

  23. GrappleHooks

    Nurse Kellie, thank you for the giving me my wake-up laugh.

  24. derekd

    What a pussy whipped faggot.


    Is this the same guy who bought a blow-up doll onstage, called it his ex-wife Kim and started stabbing it with a knife??

  26. d1066

    Does anyone really care about this no-talent walking psychiatrist’s fantasy?

  27. lysistrata11

    Doesn’t anyone believe in second chances anymore? I think they both deserve one, especially for Hailey’s sake.

  28. Mori

    Kim is actually quite good looking, clown make-up aside.

  29. iPrometheus

    …or most of the crap he rapped about was made up/exaggerated and he used the fake drama to sell millions of records; now that he has cashed in he goes back to his previous life.

  30. yup, i can see it now…”and now, the best man – 50 cent!”

    it all goes downhill from there..http://hollywoodsnark.com

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