This should go over well. Via Parade:
“I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems. On the cross, he forgave the people who crucified him. Jesus wanted us to be loving and forgiving. I don’t know what makes people so cruel. Try being a gay woman in the Middle East — you’re as good as dead.”
In Elton John’s defense, Jesus did hang out with 12 dudes all the time, but he’s also a fictional character so this is like calling Batman gay. Which he’s not, by the way. He just likes young boys to expose their milky white thighs while fighting crime, and according to my old Boy Scout leader, that makes them more aerodynamic assuming the same principles apply outside of a sleeping bag. I haven’t crunched the numbers yet.
Thanks guys… this is awesome…
Umm,my first project will be launching soon and I’ll be sure to write up a quick post when it does.
May God have mercy on your soul!!! and yes Jesus did die for you and me!!!
[The bird-brained HELLywood shmucks affect even our Kansas birds - the HELLywoodized ones with their blaring boombox "mating calls" which scare our little feathered ones. So I am sharing this with all non-shmucks. Karl]
Our songbirds here in MitcHELL County, Kansas want
to give the following update on the insane boombox noise here:
“The noisiest kid over in the city of Beloink drives an older white sedan with license number 178-BJW. Our owner’s friends in Beloink have told the police about him several times, but it never dawns on the Keystone Kops there that they could use an unmarked car to verify the noise; the kids have cell phones and can warn their friends when they see a marked patrol car coming.
“And it never dawns on the anti-social psychopaths (who may be making up for the lack of noisy rattles in their infancy) that their unlawful noise may be harming a sick baby or someone whose night job forces him to sleep days – or even some veteran who can get “flashbacks” of battlefield cannon booms!
“It’s obvious that many Kansas kids are no longer Christians, or patriotic Americans, or even human because they have been slowly brainwashed and mentally enslaved by leftist, anti-family, perverted, unAmerican, Jesus-bashing, Marxist shlemiels and shmucks in HELLywood who exercise their first amendment rights by dangling every known vice before Kansas farm kids while secretly viewing them as red-state “hicks”! After America falls we’ll be able to blame the buyers of HELLywood’s videos and devil music as much as the HELLywood devils themselves!
“If you think such music doesn’t create devils, why do little piggy Beloinkers blast quiet neighborhoods even on Sunday mornings during church time? Do those paranoids really think everyone is out to get them and they have to have growling tailpipes for the same reason a dog growls? Since we don’t get to democratically vote whether we want to hear their music or any music, will those “dictators” be happy when God responds in kind by letting America be taken over by a big dictator who will likely ban all “dirty capitalist” noise! Until then, maybe a tornado – or even a nuclear war – will cover up at least some of the noise!
“Many other places (like Albuquerque and Reno) have huge fines for boombox noise and even impound offending cars! How can high-crime, gambling towns have better “Kansas values” than a north central Kansas town?
“Have the little piggies here heard of headphones? We don’t care if they’re smoking pot and fornicating in the middle of our road at 3 a.m. as long as they’re quiet! North Bell St. over in Beloink is the noisiest place in the county. Would the BELLies care if one of our friends is a veteran a block east of them who might go postal over the noise? As long as the cops do nothing about this, we songbirds will keep singing to the whole world about MitcHELL County!”
See what smart birds we have?
Karl (in Karl’s Kastle)
[Want more? Google "David Letterman's Hate, Etc."]
FOR NOISE HATERS
Well, our noise hating songbirds here in MitcHELL County, Kansass have another update on the boombox plague nearby.
They tell us that the No. 1 day-and-night boombox champion way over there in the city of Beloink is Aaron Adams in his white 1989 Merc, license no. 178-BJW. (We’ll be happy to publicize any other lowlifes also and also notify their parents.)
I wonder if the folks supervising Aaron (when he has on his blue nurse-like clothing) are aware of his great impersonation of someone with neurotic – or worse – impulses! Sometimes it’s hard to tell doctor look-alikes from patients.
Speaking of doctors, if any doctor will verify that the No. 1 noise-maker and law-breaker over there in Beloink has caused substantial injuries to at least one person, the city of Beloink and its Keystone Kops, who are well aware of erring Aaron, may soon be sued for damages if they can’t put the clamps on Aaron!
PS – The “values” in Kansass are now no better than the “values” in New Yuck or Hell-A !
(from Karl in Karl’s Kastle in MitcHELL County, Kansass)
santa clause isnt real, but ppl still believe n him and like him and shit
theres stories and books about but guess what? he isnt real
u ppl and ur bible. get over it. some person just made it up so ppl could have some inspiration and (fake) guidance and forgiveness. just like someone made up Santa, so kids would b good to get presents
This is one of the funniest thing I’ve read in a long while! Why do you think I’m commenting on this nearly a year after it went up! BRAVO!!