Elton John: ‘Jesus was gay’

February 18th, 2010 // 256 Comments

This should go over well. Via Parade:

“I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems. On the cross, he forgave the people who crucified him. Jesus wanted us to be loving and forgiving. I don’t know what makes people so cruel. Try being a gay woman in the Middle East — you’re as good as dead.”

In Elton John’s defense, Jesus did hang out with 12 dudes all the time, but he’s also a fictional character so this is like calling Batman gay. Which he’s not, by the way. He just likes young boys to expose their milky white thighs while fighting crime, and according to my old Boy Scout leader, that makes them more aerodynamic assuming the same principles apply outside of a sleeping bag. I haven’t crunched the numbers yet.

Photos: Getty
superficial

  1. Chris

    I lol’d

  2. Lindsay

    FIRST

  3. Calling Jesus a fictional character is just about the most ignorant statement in the history of mankind.. Weather you think he was the son of God or not is one thing… but there is more historical proof of Jesus than there is of Cezar. Even apart from the bible..

  4. Lauren

    Jesus was definitely not a fictional character whether you are a Christian believer or not. Jesus of Nazareth existed. Get an education.

  5. butterbean

    Fictional? No matter your beliefs, why are you calling Jesus fictitious?

  6. jess

    Jesus is fake and ghey!!!

  7. tim

    jesus fictional character? now i understand why you have the job that you have.

  8. Anon

    I agree with Landon. Despite the historical evidence of the existence of Jesus the man, I’m just annoyed by the Fish’s habit of always putting ridiculously liberal stabs into celebrity gossip. I’m not saying whether or not I believe in Jesus as a deity or whether I am a registered Republican or Democrat; it’s just unnecessary.

  9. cone100

    @landon “more historical proof than Cezar {sic}”? how about shedding alittle light on this evidence? This ought to be good.

  10. Ash

    Outside of the bible, what historical document or proof is there???

  11. Doc Schweinstrudel

    Please, go on being atheist or that new hype -buddhist. Yeah, please abandon what’s your own and go for weird people wearing orange bedsheets and sitting in weird positions. No surprise that Tila Tequila can’t understand why she is hated, there is no notion of sin for people like her.

  12. cone100

    Come on people! You keep shouting about all this evidence and calling doubters uneducated. Where is this evidence?!

  13. Mandy

    Wow, then this means Mary was the first ever faghag.

  14. Doc Schweinstrudel

    9, 10 : Nobody will write here because there is not enough space. google it, ignoramous dimwits.

  15. scottwvu

    Why do people lose ALL sense of humor and sarcasm when Jesus’ name is mentioned? It was a joke people. Let it go… Jesus lived. The stories about him? They may be fiction.

  16. Duh

    Landon? You know what else is ignorant? Using the word “weather” instead of “whether”.

    Hey, religious people, lighten up. It’s satire, which makes it ok. Thanks, Sarah Palin.

  17. Mark

    The fictional thing about jesus was that he was the son of dog. He was an actual person. A gay person.

  18. Jeremy

    Well, Jesus may not be fictional, but the New Testament sure ain’t the New York Times, so who knows what the guy did or did not do or say. So maybe the SW is talking about the biblical Jesus and the actions and words attributed to him, and those being fictional.

  19. will

    What a fucking stupid writer. And I don’t mean that because of the Jesus remark…he just goes into these retarded, irrelevant tangents that make no sense at all. Please-quit your day job.

  20. noogaloopagus

    Fictional character! Good one!

  21. landon's a retard

    dude.

    jesus was fictional. watch zeitgeist.

  22. landon's a retard

    dude.

    jesus was fictional. watch zeitgeist. they even footnote every reference they use on their website.

    there was no historical proof of jesus to ever live.

  23. sam

    superficial guy, you’re awesome.

  24. Rough on ice

    Shouldnt the Pandora’s box of Elton John being created in God’s image be tackle first…

  25. veekee

    Hey #8, saying Jesus is fictional is not a LIBERAL thing to say. There are liberal Christians. They are the ones that are out there NOT trying to ruin the world.

  26. flabergast

    wow… this is wrong in so many ways.
    but it’d be a useless to try and argue on the internet

  27. James

    @ Doc Schweinstrudel – You think Buddhism is a new hype? Are you serious?

  28. The larger issue here isn’t whether or not Jesus can be proven to have existed – that’s a matter of faith, as it should be – but how people *INSIST* on claiming famous figures as members of their own team in order to validate their own team. “Abraham Lincoln was a Republican, but if he was alive today he’d be a Democrat,” “Albert Einstein had Autism,” “Jefferson had Aspergers,” “Charlemane was secretly German,” “Jesus was Gay,” all this kind of talk is the same: It’s an effort by people who feel insecure to ride on the coattails of someone who’s well-regarded and unimpeachable.

    It’s disingenuous, and worse than that, it’s just plain stupid. I mean, how does the life of a person 2000 years ago possibly change the fact that Elton is a spendthrift with a blown-out voice who hasn’t had a hit song in decades, and regularly takes credit for other people’s life?

  29. Huh. I posted a comment and it vanished into the aether.

  30. Adnaer

    I would love to know what historical evidence you all are talking about, there is none as far I know, like in NONE.

  31. Ash

    ignoramous dimwits. lmfao, seriously. I googled it.

    One website had ‘evidence’, the word of Romans, 20-100 years after the Christ would have died because, you know, they knew him personally.

    I sincerely hope you are not a real doctor, I would feel bad for your patients.

  32. MyNameIsOfNoImportance

    You are allowed free will with such will you can do what ever you feel. It is not for us to judge you, your actions shall be weighed and judged in the end upon which you will be deemed worthy or not for salvation. Bless you all.

  33. graij

    GOD is a fictional character too. A Sadistic ,Bloodthirsty,Hypocritical one at that.

  34. Doc Schweinstrudel

    For fucks sake! New York Times god damn it. The epitome of truth, fuck me!!!
    Let the Zionists of NYC decide on the truth of nature and explain all the things to common populus!
    This, as *any* other media outlet is just some venture that receives their information from Reuters or Associated press. Both are the government created news (made of government press releases).Apart from that.
    You know what else I like about New Testament? IT IS NOT SELLING ME ANYTHING!
    Now back to you EJ. You aged, motherfucker!

  35. Truthsayer

    LOL.

    I hate stupid celebrities. (That’s why I like this site because it makes fun of them).

    That said, if Jesus was a gay man, his filthy ass would have been burned according to Levitical law. Not hung on a cross. While under Roman rule, the Pharisees and Hebrews were allowed to practice their religion. They stoned people lawfully. So they certainly would have used the accusation that he is gay to prosecute him if they had a remote inkling that he was a sodomite. They took that stuff super serious. Like they do today in the Middle East – but all the more so.

    Anyway, just thought I’d throw that out there in case… in case…

    Right, who cares?

    I only like one Elton John song anyway. But I forgot which one it was.

    *Hiccup*

    I hope gay people get the right to marry. My friend is in love with his sister and I think he should be allowed to marry her.

    What? What’s the problem? That’s gross? But if marriage isn’t defined by a union between a man and a woman anymore, why draw a line at just gays?

    Bigots!

    :)~

  36. Doc Schweinstrudel

    For fucks sake! New York Times god damn it. The epitome of truth, fuck me!!!
    Let the Zionists of NYC decide on the truth of nature and explain all the things to common populus!
    This, as *any* other media outlet is just some venture that receives their information from Reuters or Associated press. Both are the government created news (made of government press releases).Apart from that.
    You know what else I like about New Testament? IT IS NOT SELLING ME ANYTHING!
    Now back to you EJ. You aged, motherfucker!

  37. Poo Poo

    Someone please tell me how Jesus is a real person? No jokes. I really want to know. I always thought he was a biblical character. Are you telling me that he walked the earth like you or I? Post a link or something. Thanks.

  38. barry

    Jesus was in the new testament that was created and controlled by the Roman Catholics, and we know about priests and their sexuality, so anything written in the new testament is pretty untrue, so do not get all bent about Jesus being gay or not. He probably was…..but he has been dead 2000 years so get over it.

  39. My Name is Important

    GOD is one Sadistic ,Murderous,Hypocritical,Fictional Dude too!!!

  40. Jesus Juice

    Turd burglar.

  41. naoh

    I was a old man and built a freaking ark

  42. Doc Schweinstrudel

    #31. So you googled it and it was the only link that shown up or you just selectively decided to do it?

    There are FAR TOO MANY books written with evidence, films, researches – I guess you are not interested in that. Did you ever watch documentaries, historical, archeological programs or spend your days playing nintendo non-stop?

    I do not want to preach here about Jesus, I dont feel worthy enough. What I can do however is to tell you to GO FUCK YOURSELF!

  43. Bickus Dickus

    The liberal run state educational system / concentration camps are churning out these brainwashed godless socialist idealogue sheep at an alarming rate.

  44. naoh

    do you know how hard it was to gather up all those animals

  45. devil

    I wear a red jumpsuit, be afraid. wooooooooo wooooooooo!

  46. Ms Whiplash

    I love you Fish Doode! You’ve managed to awaken the superstitious folk once again. This should get interesting.

  47. devil

    My pitchfork will poke you

  48. devil

    You will burn in hell down here…. wait where is down here

  49. Daughter of Abraham

    @ #43. That’s not very Christian of you, Doc. Maybe the reason you don’t feel worthy enough is because you’re a total hypocrite. Do you take communion with that mouth?

  50. Truthsayer

    @45, If you looked like Elizabeth Hurley and wore a black jumpsuit, I’d rent you my soul for a night. Bedazzle me!

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