Tom Sizemore: ‘Never Listen To Me, I’m On Drugs’

February 6th, 2014 // 21 Comments
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Yesterday, the Internet was regaled by a tale of Bill Clinton banging Elizabeth Hurley as told through the storytelling vessel known as Tom Sizemore. A vessel who’s now under the full weight of two very expensive legal teams and would like to make it clear that he’s a drug addict you should never, ever listen to even if his stories are hilariously plausible. Via Mediaite:

Sizemore appeared on HuffPost Live Wednesday to categorically refute his previous words, attributing them to “the ravings of a drug-addicted actor.”
One of Sizemore’s claims in this supposed audio clip was that he had a very personal moment with Clinton who demanded Hurley’s number. Sizemore made it clear at the outset: “No, it’s not true. I was never at the White House and I’d never met Bill Clinton.”

Of course, the story immediately fell apart once you realize the timeline involved Bill Clinton flying Elizabeth Hurley from England to the White House in under an hour which would require the use of some sort of super-sonic pussy jet. Not that I’m saying Bill Clinton doesn’t have one of those, you just don’t show it to Tom Sizemore unless you want him to call you every five minutes saying he really needs to get to South America fast because he “just started stabbing, man, I’m freaking out.”

Photos: Getty / Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. I WANT YOU….

    To give me all of your cocaine.

  2. Him and Rob Ford should hang out. Now THAT would result in some awesome stories.

  3. Cock Dr

    Poor Liz Hurley has gotten involved with some prime douchebags indeed but Bubba never made it there.
    Aside from that Mr President preferred his ladies thicker & darker.

  4. HE’ is still ALIVE? Seriously, thought he OD’ed already.

    • JC

      I remember seeing him on one of those Dr. Drew rehab house things (don’t judge me) a few years back. Most of the episode involved the “team” or whatever chasing him around LA as he tried to buy a mountain of coke and/or heroin, and when they did find him, he looked like an extra on the Walking Dead. How he continues to survive is a medical mystery.

      • Deacon Jones

        That was a great season. I actually took to liking this guy, as fucked up as he was, he seemed like a cool guy when he wasn’t blasted out of his mind on meth.

      • I liked him in those episodes of Head Case where his favourite therapy was just being punched unconscious by the pretty lady therapist.

  5. We’re going home, gonna wrap ourselves in an American flag and shove hunks of cheese up our asses.

  6. JC

    Re: “super-sonic pussy jet”

    Anybody else remember those episodes of “My Three Sons” in which the dad would randomly get flown somewhere in an Air Force jet to do some kind of super-secret spy shit, but he’d be home in time to have an adorable moment with his kids?

    Oh, Christ, I’m old.

  7. I’m convinced that every girl he is photographed with is likely blinking “Help Me!” in Morse code.

  8. Lord Helmet

    Don’t despair, Tom. It takes more than drugged out ramblings to damage a porn writer’s career.

  9. If I was POTUS (Pussy Officer of The Unbelievably Sexy) I’d use all my executive powers to bang Liz Hurley. You can bet your drug addled brains on that.

  10. Hugh G. Rection

    Never let the truth get in the way of a good story. It seemed to good to be true anyway. As I recall, Bubba liked his side action to be on the chunky side.

  11. Oh BABY

    This does not make Hurley any less of a whore. It just means she banged one less rich-and-powerful man than we all figured.

  12. right

    I’m pretty sure it happened and he was threatened after the story broke. Was there a screening of “Saving Private Ryan” at the White House or not. That would be easy to verify. All Presidents are known to have, advance screening preview events, of block buster movies. Even though Sizemore is a dug addict, the details are too specific and believable. From what i have read, Hurley was on the West Coast USA at the time. The timeline of a private jet would fit.

    • What I really want to know is was it Col. Mustard in the Conservatory with the lead pipe or not?

    • Let me see if I understand your logic: If there really was a screening of Saving Private Ryan at the White House, then everything that followed in Tom Sizemore’s story is probably true. Yup, makes sense to me!

  13. TheTruth

    It’s so funny to watch the hyper masculine bro fest on this site.
    You’re reading a celebrity gossip blog! It is no different than if you had a copy of US Weekly in your hands.

  14. freya

    To late Tom. As a woman voter YOU JUST HANDLE HILLARY THE POTUS TITLE IN 2016.This woman has been through a lot if she can handle a cheating husband then she can handle any crisis

    THANKS TOM.

  15. I called BS as Bubba may love pussy, curvy and love handles ,but in the end he does so classy and discreet like a womanizing PRESIDENT with secret service.

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