Elizabeth Hurley’s Bikini Is The Crap We Missed

Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed featuring President Trump pretending he can read, Maitland Ward, who’s gone full Atlantic City hooker, Kendall Jenner’s normal-sized buttcheeks, and the love of my life up there, Elizabeth Hurley. She doesn’t know it, but we’re very happy together. *pets sock doll with her photo taped on the face* She loves my American disregard for my health and personal hygiene, but also thinks it’s adorable when I do my Austin Powers impression in bed. Like this one, “Should we shag now or shag later, yeah?” — And it doll actually spoke and said “later.” Wow, goddammit.

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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, Instagram