Elin Nordegren Says Pre-Approved Words

Seen here yesterday after signing divorce papers Monday, Elin Nordegren gave her “first and last” interview to People regarding her divorce from Tiger Woods that’s obviously been vetted through an entire gauntlet of lawyers. How can I tell? Tiger Woods himself gives a statement in it that says she’s a wonderful mother, and she calls him the best golfer alive. That being said, Elin does actually speak somewhat candidly about being cheated on in the most lavish, expensive ways possible:

On not knowing about the affairs:
“I never suspected, not a one. For the last three-and-a-half years, when all this was going on, I was home a lot more with pregnancies, then the children and my school.”

On trying to make it work only to find out there was 800 of them:
“Initially, I thought we had a chance, and we tried really hard. I felt stupid as more things were revealed — how could I not have known anything? The word ‘betrayal’ isn’t strong enough.”

On attacking Tiger with a golf club:
“There was never any violence inside or outside our home. The speculation that I would have used a golf club to hit him is just truly ridiculous.”

On the divorce settlement:
“Money can’t buy happiness or put my family back together.”

Despite what Jim Carrey obnoxiously decided to claim, I believe Elin Nordegren was legitimately caught off guard by these affairs. Tiger Woods’ job involved traveling all over the world which is when his best friend was arranging all these hook-ups. (He banged Rachel Uchitel in Australia.) I’m sure she was suspicious like any wife is when her husband’s away, but I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt because she’s also not a gold-digger. If Elin was in it for the money, Tiger’s people were willing to pay her way more than $100 million to stick around and play the smiling trophy wife so they can pretend their golden goose is a wholesome family man again, but she wanted nothing to do with it. Now as for the golf club incident… who would honestly begrudge her if she fessed up? Personally I find it oddly erotic, but then again, I like my Swedish women straight out of a Thor comic. All wielding a giant hammer and wearing a red cape. — Wait.

Photos: Splash News