Elin Nordegren Says Pre-Approved Words

August 25th, 2010 // 67 Comments

Seen here yesterday after signing divorce papers Monday, Elin Nordegren gave her “first and last” interview to People regarding her divorce from Tiger Woods that’s obviously been vetted through an entire gauntlet of lawyers. How can I tell? Tiger Woods himself gives a statement in it that says she’s a wonderful mother, and she calls him the best golfer alive. That being said, Elin does actually speak somewhat candidly about being cheated on in the most lavish, expensive ways possible:

On not knowing about the affairs:
“I never suspected, not a one. For the last three-and-a-half years, when all this was going on, I was home a lot more with pregnancies, then the children and my school.”

On trying to make it work only to find out there was 800 of them:
“Initially, I thought we had a chance, and we tried really hard. I felt stupid as more things were revealed — how could I not have known anything? The word ‘betrayal’ isn’t strong enough.”

On attacking Tiger with a golf club:
“There was never any violence inside or outside our home. The speculation that I would have used a golf club to hit him is just truly ridiculous.”

On the divorce settlement:
“Money can’t buy happiness or put my family back together.”

Despite what Jim Carrey obnoxiously decided to claim, I believe Elin Nordegren was legitimately caught off guard by these affairs. Tiger Woods’ job involved traveling all over the world which is when his best friend was arranging all these hook-ups. (He banged Rachel Uchitel in Australia.) I’m sure she was suspicious like any wife is when her husband’s away, but I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt because she’s also not a gold-digger. If Elin was in it for the money, Tiger’s people were willing to pay her way more than $100 million to stick around and play the smiling trophy wife so they can pretend their golden goose is a wholesome family man again, but she wanted nothing to do with it. Now as for the golf club incident… who would honestly begrudge her if she fessed up? Personally I find it oddly erotic, but then again, I like my Swedish women straight out of a Thor comic. All wielding a giant hammer and wearing a red cape. — Wait.

Photos: Splash News

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    • Jake

      Hot, money grubbing whore. The nanny seduced Tiger, got married, was an ice princess, he fooled around, she went in for the $$$ kill.

      • Doc Schweinstrudel

        Shut up Jake! THAT”S WHAT YOU GET CHEATERS!!!

      • Amy

        Oh I know…poor Tiger…poor poor unsuspecting Tiger. Like Fish said, she’d had gotten more money to stay.

      • Jake, you’re an idiot. Woods’ dirtbag father would fuck anything that would stand still, and the apple never fell far from the tree. When they first met, she wouldn’t give him the time of day – he was the one who pursued her. Too bad, she should have stuck to her first response. Her father’s a respected DC-based correspondent, her mother’s been a Swedish cabinet minister. She was a former model and a child psych student when she was working as an au pair for Jesper Parnevik – she couldn’t be further from the sterotype of a gold-digging, seducing immigrant nanny that you obviously have in mind.

      • SO RIGHT

        Jake – hate to say it bud, but you’re wrong. Seems she loved him enough to try but couldn’t get over the pain and damage. Otherwise, as others have said — she would have been just fine being the paid trophy wife. Good for you, Elin AND Sandra Bullock! Finally some women with enough confidence, smarts and cash to say BYE BYE cheaters!

      • he would not have been the least bit interested in her if she didn’t look like a model. and i’m sure his money made up for his looks to her. even if she is a gold digger, at least she stuck with her end of the bargain. tiger is the one who cheated like 14+ times on her. typical rich man who sees women as another object to be bought then after a while when he’s tired of playing with this barbie, he thinks he can just get some more.

    • The MAN

      I hope she learned a valuable lesson here: never sleep with a Negro. They cheat, steal, and lie. Doesn’t matter how high they go, still a Negro.

  1. Kelley

    Thor is Norwegian, Fish, duh …

    • Drew

      Same shit, different pile

    • Thor

      Thor is from the Old Norse, that later became the Scandinavian languages (Swedish, Norwegian and Danish). So you are both wrong/right.

    • i was just tellin someone the other day, she should now get with chris brown. elin is the kind of crazy viking bitch he needs to man up. i can imagine him trying to lay a hand on her…she would intercept mid-air and then proceed to beat the shit out of him until he begs for mercy.

  2. your mother

    poor elin

  3. Deacon Jones

    What would you buy if you just got 100 million dollars?

    I would literally fly to Vegas and buy as much coke and high end escorts as possible until I collapsed 4 days later. The I would sleep for 2 days, order Chinese food, and start all over again.

  4. Elin Nordegren
    burton
    Commented on this photo:

    bahahaha..her pussy is so tainted now…all those hookers and skanks had their pussies ravaged by tiger and then he goes home to her and put it in her mouth and vag..ugh, she should get that money..he subjected her to AIDS, HERPES,you name it.

  5. stevebeagle

    too bad bout the whole coal burning issue

  6. DEATH BY STONING IN HOLLYWOOD

    TIGER IS A TOTAL DOUCHEBAG BOYCOTT TIGER

  7. Elin Nordegren
    tayker
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like a blonde vampire.

  8. eatme

    o wow, it’s “blue balls” Elin Nordegren.

    “All part of the long term plan”, she chuckled under her breath as she buttoned up the top button of her flannel pj’s and rolled to her side (towards the night table) as the lights dimmed.

    • Amy

      Why the fuck do you say she was a prude? She was a swimsuit model you idiot. Maybe you’d have a point if Tiger cheated with one or two people, but he cheated with a million. He had a sex addiction that couldn’t be cured with a normal sexual relationship…he had to have it all the time…esp since he was traveling all the time. Elin didn’t have a chance.

      • eatme

        FACT: withhold sex for a man long enough and he WILL cheat…especially a rich/powerful man. catching him in the act is just part of the process. sounds like a recipe for making an average girl into a multi-millionare. do you seriously think she married him out of love? she just wanted a pay day.

    • Amy

      eatme: I agree that when you withhold sex, people cheat…men and women alike. However, Tiger is obviously a sex addict. This means that no matter how much Elin put out, it would never be enough. He always craved more sex, different women, riskier/crazier sex acts, etc. I think it’s rather idiotic to assume she didn’t have sex with him. I’ve cheated on a guy because I could and because I craved variety, not because he was crap sexually.

      • eatme

        we will never know her motivations, but…
        There was no real incentive here for her to maintain the relationship (obviously she didn’t marry him out of love ’cause he’s hella boring and ugly) and plenty of reasons to ditch on the relationship (cha-ching). Knowing that men WILL cheat (at least for sure if the woman is an ice-princess), why not help the process along by turning mega-bitch? The whole thing was rigged from the start to turn out like this.

  9. Eh…I’d hit that. I might have to pay…I don’t know…a $100mil afterwards and have to pay out in child support the GDP of Greece–I mean Costa Rica– but…yeah…I’d hit that.

  10. Sheena

    “The speculation that I would have used a golf club to hit him is just truly ridiculous.”

    No, honey, the speculation that you hit him with a live alligator or the British crown jewels would be ridiculous. The golf club thing is pretty fucking easy to believe.

  11. Rocky's Bullwinkle

    I’d lick her exposed tummy any time of the day. Even if it had Tiger stink.

  12. K

    Even after all she’s been through, she doesn’t deserve a 100 million dollars!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Actually, he’s the one who doesn’t “deserve” 100 million dollars for hitting a little ball around a field, but since that’s what the top payout is in his profession, deal with it. Since he’s worth more than that and trashed their family in the worst way – which the two of them created and she maintained while following him on tour – exactly why the hell isn’t she entitled to half of what they built together?

      • eatme

        “what they built together”? huh? are you fucking serious?

      • Yeah, I am serious. As much as his father thought he was the second coming and walked on water, he didn’t make his family or those kids by himself – or with his caddy. Nor, I bet, was he the one doing child care and maintaining that family. She went on tour with him most of the time, too, so he wasn’t on the road cut off from all that. And since his sqeaky-clean image as the clean-cut daddy and the stable, uber home-loving family man with the devoted family accompanying him everywhere is part of what got him all those obscenely high-paying endorsements and made him so appealing to white golf-loving America, all of that money package is something she had a big hand in creating.

        The way in which his handlers went to such extremes to keep all the whoring around hidden from the public, and the fact they were able to do it for so long, and that it involved so many women, must give you an idea how much was at stake in keeping that image intact and how much $$ was involved in that cleanup.

  13. Racer X

    I’d so wreck that white bitch, Tiger’s dumb.

  14. MrsEllis

    Wow she is so HOT! This woman is unbelievably beautiful. I hate her…

  15. Cock Dr

    Elin sez “I feel stronger than I ever have”.
    That’s a very natural response to gaining your freedom & a gazillion dollars in an offshore bank account. Yeah, I’ll bet she feels like freaking superman.
    I think she walloped Tiger’s SUV with the biggest golf club she could lay her hands on.

  16. DEATH BY STONING IN HOLLYWOOD

    THIS IS THE BEST THING SHE CAN DO FOR HERSELF GET AWAY FROM THAT MEGLOMANIAC

  17. DEATH BY STONING IN HOLLYWOOD

    FUCK NIKE CREEPY DIX

  18. DEATH BY STONING IN HOLLYWOOD

    CAN WE CALL TIGER TIGGER NOW

  19. jay

    FUCK IT! FUCK IT ALL! Hes fucking free now to fuck whoever the fuck he wants now. He can now concentrate on becoming the best golf player in the world again and make back what he lost. Its ok Tiger, you’re still fucking ridiculously fucking rich! Who the fuck cares! Now you can stick your dick in anything! Lets face it, if Elin gave good head, none of this would happen. Sure shes hot but does she give good head? prob not. So Tiger can go be himself again. FUCK THE WORLD FOR ME, TIGER! You’re fucking free!!!

    • Jay, I think he already did. Let the man rest up a bit before he goes back out again.
      It’s hard finding hot looking blind & deaf women who’ll sign the necessary legal pre-copulation non-disclosure documents.
      There’s probably a 100k bounty for photos of Tiger’s penis right now.

  20. Zwolf

    gross. he is gross – tiger is such a bizarre lame name, seriously who except a total dick would go by that name!?!?! elin is gross for getting with him, and tiger fanboys are the pathetic

    • CakeSnifferer

      “Tiger” is just a cynical brand name that his father bestowed upon him as part of his manufactuiring process. It’s as real as any other aspect of him.

      “Tiger will do more than any other man in history to change the course of humanity”
      -Earl Woods

      Amazingly, if people didn’t exactly buy that crap, they would at least read it without laughing.

  21. I feel so bad for Elin Woods. Honestly, I do.
    She really didn’t deserve that – no one does.
    Especially not to that degree.
    Tiger Woods is a disgusting individual and when his children are old enough and actually read up on what happened between mommy & daddy – they will look at their father and say, “Ya dun goofed.”

    • eatme

      yeah i feel so bad for her. boo hoo. my girlfriend cheated on me and i got jack shit other than a rash on my balls. i think i’d rather have the $100 million.

  22. The MAN

    Can’t take the low life Negro out of tiger

  23. DEATH BY STONING IN HOLLYWOOD

    ITS NOT ABOUT RACE MOST MEN WITH MONEY SHOULD NOT HAVE THAT MUCH BECAUSE THEY GET INTO TROUBLE

    IN AN IDEAL WORLD WOMEN CASTRATE MOST OF THEM

  24. 52

    he’s part thai. you can’t trust thai men… even if they are partially thai. they fuck around and still expect their bitches to stay with them. losers

  25. captain america

    she is dressed like a dutch HIGH SCHOOL GIRL now.
    ……………..WHAT MONEY CAN DO!!

  26. God

    Where on Earth is this newly single billionairess ex-model with a perfect body and killer smile going to find a partner now ?

    A good job she doesn’t mind ugly men.

  27. WrongAgainBiatch

    He is not a douchebag. What would most twenty year olds do with (1) millions of dollars (2) hot girls ready for anything (3) alone on the road 5 months out of the year? Answer: Party and Fuck no surprise here. This is why every NBA player, with a similar lifestyle, that gets married soon gets divorced. He is just a normal guy that made a mistake. I guarantee he is miserable now. I wish Elin could have seen past everything and given him a chance. Understand why she didnt just to bad.

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  29. Dan Montana

    I hope he gave Aids to the whore

  30. Bored with life

    Maybe if she had taken it in the ass Tiger wouldn’t have cheated on her…

  31. kloupiniaks

    if she were in it for the $ she would have stuck around because she would have had more ?

    that’s completely stupid. seriously. who needs more than 100m?

    probably not in it for the money, but probably not unhappy that she can get away with such a huge paycheck. now, she’s free – for life.

  32. Elin Nordegren
    she is hot
    Commented on this photo:

    elin looks so hot!

  33. The whole thing is boring!!

  34. Elin Nordegren
    Commented on this photo:

    She is looking so beautiful and hot and she is running style, face expression and body shape everything is awesome and i like her.
    http://leanspaacai.org

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