Ed Sheeran Banged Taylor Swift’s Famous Friends, Neat

♫ And then Harry Potter and I had a flying car! ♫
(I don’t know what an Ed Sheeran is. Get off my yard.)

In a new interview with Rolling Stone, Ed Sheeran revealed that if you’re rich, famous and hang out with Taylor Swift, her friends will instantly jump on your penis because this entire world is stacked against you. Yes, you, the one reading this. (And writing it. 😞 😞)

His next tour was considerably bigger: a 66-date run opening for Swift. “I heard his song ‘Lego House’ in Australia when I was on the Speak Now tour,” says Swift. “It just cut through everything else.” Their managers put them together, and they ended up sitting on a trampoline in Swift’s backyard and writing “Everything Has Changed.” Each night, Swift invited Sheeran onstage to play the ballad.
Offstage, this was his most romantically prolific period. He says he hooked up with some of Swift’s famous friends. “Taylor’s world is celebrity,” says Sheeran. “I was this 22-year-old awkward British kid going on tour with the biggest artist in America, who has all these famous mates. It was very easy. … I would often find myself in situations just kind of waking up and looking over and being like, ‘How the fuck did that happen?’ ” (Katy Perry recently summed up his appeal as a secret ladies’ man: “Everybody loves him, no one’s scared of him, they want to date him. They can have him.”)

*stares at a loaded handgun for a long time, like a really, really long time, possibly even forever*

Of course, this anecdote took on a new dimension when a few hours later, a clip of Rupert Grint on The Late Late Show popped up online where he admits that people often confuse him with Ed Sheeran. And sometimes he goes along with it. Which means at least one of Taylor Swift’s friends accidentally banged Ron Weasley. What a time to be alive! Via Just Jared:

“It’s kinda 50/50 now. It’s like if someone stops me, it could go either way. I could be Ed or I could be me,” he said.
Since it happens so frequently, Rupert sometimes just plays along, even when another celebrity thinks he’s Ed!
Rupert added, “Singer Leo Sayer came up to me and said he loved my music, of course thinking I was Ed. And I just played along!”

In related news, everyone dies alone. Everyone. Make peace with it now, and then it’s not so bad playing board games by yourself. Or drinking at – what time is it? – 11 a.m. Drinking at 11 a.m. It’s very European. – *pukes all over Settlers of Catan* – Trade that for some wheat, bitch!

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