Courtney Stodden’s Stuck In A House With Screech

“I’m not locked in here with you, you’re locked in here with ME.”

Last night was the premiere of Celebrity Big Brother, the popular UK reality show where they take the oily residue of American fame and lock them in a house without having the decency to fill the place with leftover gas from the Holocaust because the British are weak. To prove my point, Dustin Diamond is on this season and walked on stage making the clear and undeniable faces of a man who’s going to rape the first person he’s alone in room with. And before Salon or Jezebel get all up in arms that “rape jokes are never funny,” I’m not even trying to make a joke here. That’s a legitimate warning. If Dustin Diamond is in your line of vision, curl up in the fetal position and say his name backwards three times. That’s the only way to send him back to his realm: Rape Earth 2.

Photos: Getty, WENN