Wait, Everyone On ‘Duck Dynasty’ Is Homophobic? My World Is A Lie!

December 18th, 2013 // 150 Comments
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Guys, you may want to sit down for this, I’ve got some pretty shocking news. You know that reality show Duck Dynasty? The one about the Christian, self-proclaimed rednecks who live in the backwoods of Louisiana and everyone at Walmart goes nuts about? Not a big fan of the gays. Crazy, right? I almost didn’t believe it myself except here are Phil Robertson‘s exact words to GQ which are probably just a typo. Someone tell Magary to check the tape again. I SAID CHECK IT AGAIN!

“It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.”

Okay, well, that’s not that bad. I’m sure Phil will clarify his remarks. These are kind, woodland folk we’re talking about. Salt of the earth:

“Everything is blurred on what’s right and what’s wrong,” he says. “Sin becomes fine.”
What, in your mind, is sinful?
“Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men,” he says. Then he paraphrases Corinthians: “Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers—they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.”

Yeesh. Although, it is interesting that Phil Robertson brings up deceit considering he’s never read of a word of his own autobiography and freely admits that his reality show is basically “skits” the family comes up with. But that’s neither here nor there because what’s important is at the end of the day Phil will never judge gays or terrorists which are practically the same thing, amirite?

“We never, ever judge someone on who’s going to heaven, hell. That’s the Almighty’s job. We just love ’em, give ’em the good news about Jesus—whether they’re homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort ’em out later, you see what I’m saying?”

And, look, before everyone rushes to judge good, old fashioned, down home country preaching, keep in mind, Phil Robertson is a learned scholar with a deep understanding of history:

“All you have to do is look at any society where there is no Jesus. I’ll give you four: Nazis, no Jesus. Look at their record. Uh, Shintos? They started this thing in Pearl Harbor. Any Jesus among them? None. Communists? None. Islamists? Zero. That’s eighty years of ideologies that have popped up where no Jesus was allowed among those four groups. Just look at the records as far as murder goes among those four groups.”

See, almost.. none of that checks out. But here’s where I’m genuinely impressed. While pussy-footin’ city-folk like Megyn Kelly will walk back their statements in the face of intellectual criticism, Phil Robertson will at least stand by his words as backwards and fucked up as they may be:

In a statement released via A&E, Robertson attempted to clarify his remarks: “I myself am a product of the ’60s; I centered my life around sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll until I hit rock bottom and accepted Jesus as my Savior. My mission today is to go forth and tell people about why I follow Christ and also what the Bible teaches, and part of that teaching is that women and men are meant to be together. However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other.”

And didn’t have gay people. He forgot to say, “And didn’t have gay people.” Did he not read his own interview? I’m confused.

Photos: GQ.com / Pacific Coast News, Splash News


  1. Three words,”Deliverance the movie.”

  2. Convex

    The man is entitled to his beliefs, even if you don’t agree with him. We all know you support gays, Fish, but what you fail to understand is that others aren’t obligated to do the same, and some won’t be bullied by liberal fools. Move on.

    BTW: Thanks for the Hamm pics. We chicks love to see some peen, even if it is a vague outline.

    • No Name

      I’m a conservative Christian and I support gays. It is not up to me to judge them and anyone who claims to be a Christian while judging the actions of others is a faker. I have a few gay people that attend my church and we embrace them, just as Christ would. Might wanna rethink your position on gays and any other such things you think you are morally superior too. The truth is, none of us truly know how God feels about homosexuality. If you even dare suggest you do, you are walking a very dangerous line. You ARE a bigot if you judge others. Just as those who judge us Christians are bigots. You need to learn some empathy my friend. Only then will get where Christ himself was coming from. Christianity is about love and acceptance. Jesus made this very clear when He chose to associate with prostitutes and other criminals. As a fellow human being of Christ, I urge you to think again.

      • JC

        Wait a minute, you mean to say that, as a Christian, you actually follow Christ’s teachings? That’s crazy talk!

      • Sean

        St. Paul has some rather explicit condemnations of homosexual sex in the New Testament. Since that’s the Word of God, I’d say that God does have some definite judgments about homosexual sex being immoral. You seem to be a “Christian” who doesn’t know what Christianity is. Talk about being phoney!

      • That is not the word of God. It’s the word of Paul.

      • Prestige Johnson

        All sin is punishable by eternal damnation.
        There are no “degrees” of sin, all sin is damnable.
        Lust – heterosexual, homosexual, or otherwise – is a sin.
        I’m eager to hear why, exactly, you continue to grace The Superficial with your patronage. For your eternal soul’s sake, I hope it’s not the bikini pics.

      • In the hands of a bigot, the Bible is like a Rubik’s Cube. You can twist it and turn it to mean anything you like. Many of us are red letter Christians. People like you have never read the Sermon on the Mount and even if you did, you didn’t understand a single word of it.

        So kindly go fornicate yourself with an iron stick.

        Thanks so much.

      • Dox

        Mark has a point. I get into this argument all the time with Christians.

        I get that most Christians believe the bible is divinely inspired and thus infallible. I don’t agree. That being said, I tend to agree with Mark. Those are Paul’s words. Deifying them may be a mistake.

      • CCH0705

        You realise that St.Paul sent different messages to different societies depending on what their views were. For instance in some of his letters he says men and women should be treated equally whereas in other letters he says women shouldn’t be treat as equals because the Catholic church is universal and so it’s teachings have to be suitable for the entire world, that’s why women aren’t Priests because in the Middle East etc. they would be condemned for being priests.
        On the topic of homosexuality they do not know what they are talking about. The teaching about homosexuals is actually a mis translation. When the bible was translated into Greek they had no would for Sodomy and therefore they adopted a word similar to homosexual so that when it was translated into English they presumed it meant homosexuality when in reality it meant sodomy. It is a fact that the word homosexuality did not appear in Bibles until 1946. So what does that tell you all?
        Finally the teaching about homosexuality is given in the same book where it tells you to rub your arms up to your elbows in case you touched a non-gentile. But you don’t see people doing that and if you’re going to follow something you can’t just pick and choose what you actually want to abide by.
        They aren’t fully informed to be making statements like this and what they are saying is contradicting their beliefs anyway.

      • It’s “phony”, Sean. I know you’re busy trolling and all, since you only pop up here like a slimy toadstool when Fish posts a homophobia topic, but really, that should be a no-brainer, even with your limited gray matter.

        FYI, since Paul never even met Christ, if you start proclaiming his statements are “the Word of God”, you’re gonna run into trouble in short order. According to Paul, “God” also has some definite judgments on slavery (He’s pro) as well as being a raging misogynist. Yeah, God totes hates women, which is why the first person to see Christ resurrected happened to be one.

      • MeMyself

        Since the Bible is the only source that can be used to verify the truth of the Bible, it’s either all true and infallible, or it’s up to interpretation and cannot be trusted at all. It’s the RULEBOOK for Christians. You can’t pick and choose the parts you like. As Christians, you don’t have faith in yourselves to make the best decisions for yourselves, you have to put faith in a god to do so for you, so how can you know you’re choosing the correct parts of the Bible to follow and the correct parts to ignore? Get over it…if people don’t want to like homosexuals because their religion says they should be put to death, then they don’t have to. Not everybody likes everyone. I’m sure every single one of you has someone you dislike for some completely arbitrary reason. Don’t worry about homophobes, just keep on keeping on and be the best person you know how.

      • Except we don’t try to introduce legislation to keep homophobes from marrying or to criminalize their sexual activity. Homophobes can hold hands with their loved ones in a public setting without getting the shit kicked out of them.

        What I’m saying is, don’t you dare try to paint them as equivalent, you sanctimonious prick.

      • MeMyself, reading your other comments, I realize now that I probably misread your intent, and I apologize for the insult. It’s kind of a hot button topic for me, because people are constantly trying to paint the scorn homophobes receive as equivalent to what gay people go through.

      • noname has no idea what phil said he wasnt judging anyone but saying what is in the Bible and what he believed

    • How is reading Fish a form of “bullying”?

    • nicole

      Well, of COURSE, you aren’t “obligated” to, just like you aren’t “obligated” to not rape or murder people. Just because you aren’t “obligated” to support homosexuality doesn’t make you any less of a backwards bigot on the wrong side of history.

      • MeMyself

        Yes…because disliking gay people is just as horrible as raping or murdering someone…you know, not everyone who dislikes somebody goes out and commits a hate crime.

    • Dox

      This should go over well….

      It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? “

      I tend to agree with this. I’ve seen a mans hairy ass, it really did nothing for me. If that’s your thing, knock yourself out. But just on a personal side note…. Breasts and Vagina are where its at.

      As far as him having his own opinion. Knock himself out. I really don’t personally care. As a rule, I tend not to model my life after reality tv stars. But that’s just me.

    • What you fail to understand is that he “supports the gays” [whatever that means] and it is his website. Not yours. So why don’t you move the fuck on. Every right-wing shithead that leaves over stuff like this will be replaced by ten of us “liberal fools.”

    • The Superficial, circa 1968: “We all know you support the Blacks, Fish, but what you fail to understand is that others aren’t obligated to do the same, and some won’t be bullied by liberal fools. Move on.”

      The Superficial, today: “We all know you support gays, Fish, but what you fail to understand is that others aren’t obligated to do the same, and some won’t be bullied by liberal fools. Move on.”

    • “Bully” doesn’t mean “disagree with.”

  3. The Brown Streak

    I guess someone has forgotten about the mass murders during the crusades…good thing jesus wasn’t there…oh…wait…

    • Don’t forget about the Inquisitions, slavery, and the Church’s silence during the Nazi’s reign and the rampant homosexual pedophilia in the Church itself. Jesus was there for all that shit too.

      • derp alert!

        No, He wasn’t. Stick to what you know: being a dirty old man.

      • 1) I’m not old, but I am dirty.

        2) Sure he was. Jesus is God and god is omnipresent so he’s everywhere. Can’t you guys keep your bullshit straight? You guys would be quick to blame Allah for the actions of his followers. So that works for your imaginary leader too.

      • derp alert!

        Man was given freewill. So, there is plenty that goes on in the name of Jesus or Allah that is merely justification for the action.

      • And there’s the rub. That’s the cognitive dissonance that confuses me about people who believe this shit. You say man has free will, but the bible say says god has a plan for everybody.

        If god has a plan for you and god is omniscient so knows everything that will happen in the future, you can’t possibly have free will. What you have is an illusion, because you’re just playing your part in his script. That’s not free will.

        The bible also says that the deeds of man will not change the master’s (god) plan. So it doesn’t matter what we do, god is gonna do whatever the fuck he wants to do. To god you’re a puppet dancing on his strings. So if you believe in god, you have no free will. You just think you do.

      • Not much of a rub. Where does the bible say that God has a plan for everybody? I’ve heard preachers say that but you won’t find it in there. Also, there are several places in the bible that talk about God regretting an action…how does that jive with a predetermined script?

        It does say something about the deeds of man not changing God’s plan. He’s going to do what he will do, just like you will, and just like I will.

        Nice twisty logic, though.

      • MeMyself

        Nope. Sorry. He’s right. You can’t have it both ways. God is supposed to be all knowing. That means he knows EVRYTHING that has happened, is currently happening and WILL happen. So…that means he created Adam and Eve already knowing they would disobey and be banished from Eden and that he would punish mankind for eternity for the sins of two people. So..either he’s not all knowing and all powerful, or he knows all these things are going to happen ahead of time and is just a flat out dick.

      • You figured it out, MeMyself. Good job. You Christians can’t have your cake and eat it too. There is no cake.

      • Man wasn’t given free will. He wasn’t *given* anything.

      • The Brown Streak

        Wow…I surely didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition! (Looks at door)

    • derp alert!

      Mass murder? You mean, like the massacre of all Christians in Antioch (approx 17,000)? Muslim jihad is what sparked the Crusades in the first place.
      At any rate, what does the Crusades have to do with today’s moronic reality shows?

      • Just Guy

        He’s probably referring to the 100,000 Muslims massacred in Antioch during the First Crusade (1097-1098), or maybe the 70,000 Muslims and Jews massacred in Jerusalem during that same Crusade (1099). A crusade BTW which was fomented by a bunch of lies by Pope Urban. (Gibbon, The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire)

        The Fall of Christian Antioch in which 17,000 Christians were massacred occurred in 1260 with a siege by an alliance of Mongols and Muslims.

        But like you said, what do the Crusades have to do with it.

    • Rasuptin's Evil Twin

      What makes you sure Jesus was there? Assholes do lots of stupid things in the name(s) of their god(s), but it’s pretty unlikely the one invoked wants them to do that crazy shit.

  4. I don’t know, given what I expected him to say…. that’s actually not totally all that bad. Doesn’t seem like he went ‘full-redneck’ to me.

    • MeMyself

      Your bigotry against rednecks is offensive. I’m a southern “redneck” and I support gay rights and have many gay friends. Saying that all southerners are the same is just the same as saying all mexicans or black people are the same. That being said, I’m pretty sure all northerners are granola-eating, loud-mouthed jerks that cuss all the time and have obnoxious accents.

  5. Jon Hamm Penis Girlfriend Jennifer Westfeldt
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Rumor is that this man has a dragon down his dungarees.
    That’s quite a claim; I’d like to see the proof of that.

  6. Scott

    I like how you pick on Christians, but not Muslims. I guess you figure the Muslims might kill you, like they did Theo Van Gogh.

    • Trey Parker and Matt Stone from South Park pulled material after they were threatened….

    • Scott, when Islam influences laws in America that subjugates minorities and hinders science, please, by all means, let me know and I’ll spend more time on it.

      Until then, this is the shit that’s fucking our country.

      • derp alert!

        None of that was due to His teachings, and you should know that, being the son of a preacher man.
        Wasn’t it Christians who started the abolitionist movement?
        And what science has been suppressed? If you’re referring to the THEORY of evolution…please.

      • Thanks for identifying yourself as someone who fails to understand what a scientific theory is right off so we can avoid that argument.

        Come back with some weak ass Michael Behe shit if you want to debate. At least that motherfucker understands terminology.

      • MeMyself

        Sorry bro…a Scientific Theory is something that has been tested over and over and cannot be disproven. A HYPOTHESIS is something that has not yet been tested and considered proven to the majority of the scientific world. You realize that we also have the THEORY of gravity right? You wanna argue that gravity is not true because it’s a theory?

      • Dox

        Nope. I wanna argue that our theories are incomplete and based on our understanding of knowledge at that time. I want to point out that there are huge gaping holes that have yet to be filled in all of those theories and any number of revelations may alter or completely invalidate them overall.

        Because that’s what science is about. Constantly learning, always seeking answers, never stopping.

        Or do you want to argue that we got it all absolutely correct right now?

      • MeMyself

        “Based on our knowledge right now…” Exactly. They cannot be proven to be wrong at this time and have been tested extensively. Nowhere did I claim that science wouldn’t change it’s declarations in the light of new information. Pretty sure we’re good on the theory of gravity though.

      • Stop Making Me Defend This Shiat

        Way to move those goalposts. “When Islam influences laws in America”. Why do you only care about gays in America? Islam is influencing laws all over the world that subjugate and outlaw love between consenting gay adults in ways much worse than the law ever did here in America.

        Futhermore, I don’t see Robertson suggesting that laws be enacted to outlaw anything he says he disagrees with. In fact he says he loves all humanity and only wants to be their friend.

      • He was only moving them back to their original locations.

      • Racetrack

        Too much reddit for you Fish.

        Subjugate minorities??? Are you on crack?

        What kind of science are you referring to? Stem cell? You don’t have to be religious to recognize that there’s an ethical issue.

        You’ve lost it man. I’m atheist as well but your “political commentary” nowadays reek of uninformed bias and ignorance.

      • Scott

        Islam is what is fucking up the WORLD, son. I suggest you go look up what percentage of the world’s current wars involve Islam and get back to me.

      • Some old guy in Louisiana that has a bad reality show, having an opinion that homosexuality is a sin according to his own religious beliefs is ‘what’s fucking up this country’? Not parents having children without fathers, not children placing no value on education, hard work or self reliance? Yeah, it’s the guy in Lousiana who feels free to answer a question in an interview and give his actual honest opinion that’s ‘fucking things up’. What’s fucking things up in this country is assholes like you who are too arrogant to appreciate that you may not actually be so smart you know better than anybody else.

      • Not better than anybody else. But definitely better than you.

  7. Tonethius

    I never heard him say anything that would make me think that he was afraid of gay people. (a phobia is an irrational fear). He basically just said that he didn’t agree with their choices.

  8. Yea, I am an atheist and hate Duck Dynasty and the whole reign of ‘reality’ tv, but if all christians were as understanding and straight forward as this gent seems to be, I think there would be a whole lot less shitty shit in the world.

    • it had to be said

      Yes. Sometimes “tolerance” is he best you can hope for. You may think being gay is a sin, but as long as you don’t use that belief against others you’re free to believe it.

      • *shrug*

        Nothing wrong with tolerance in my book. I’d even go so far as to say it’s the cornerstone of a utopian society.

      • GLAAD’s response to this guy’s comments was the worst possible – basically ‘AAAAGGGHH!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE SAID THEY DO NOT WHOLEHEARTEDLY ACCEPT OUR AGENDA!!! SILENCE THEM AND PUNISH THEM IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!’ A better response could have been ‘while we disagree with duck dynasty dumbass guy, he’s entitled to speak his mind, we appreciate him acknowledging the rights of those whose lifestyle he disapproves of to live their lives in peace, and we hope that as time goes on, his views will become more and more the minority opinion and what we see as a more enlightened viewpoint will become more universally accepted’.

  9. Jon Hamm Penis Girlfriend Jennifer Westfeldt
    Ron Jeremy
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone tell baby dick to wear underwear or looser pants.

  10. I have never understood the appeal of this show. People intentionally dressing up and acting like stupid fucking hillbillies? Although, now I guess I can say they’re just dressing up and not acting.

    • Other than the costumes, this is the same thing as the Jersey Shore, Kardashians, Real Houseskanks, etc etc etc.

      I’m not sure what the appeal of it is, other than an addiction to mainlining dumb.

      • few things get me angry faster than “reality TV” shows. Maybe famous babies, but that’s about it.

      • I’ve never ever watched ANY reality show. When Survivor came out and everyone was talking about it around the water cooler there wasn’t anything I could add to the “discussion”. Now whenever talk about some reality show comes up I just nod and say yeah and uuhuh. For the record I watch very little TV. I go to the movies though but watch very little television and what I do watch consists of surfing around for news stations. I’m not sure why I even have netflix as I haven’t accessed it in who knows how long…..

      • “reality” shows are the worst, but it’s 99.9% dumb shit. Even what were once considered educational channels have went the way of chasing ghosts, yetis, and alien fucking nazis.

        Best thing I ever did was kill the cable/satellite. Saves like $75-100 a month and I don’t even bother with turning the TV on anymore just have some sort of background visual/auditory stimulation.

        I do have netflix so I can enjoy a few of the golden nuggets of television that float in the sea of total mindnumbing cat shit.

      • Dox

        Television peaked at Manimal.

      • I quit tv for 8 years in protest of the network cancelling “Hello Larry”

  11. when I tried to get an autograph from them they told me I had a pretty mouth….

  12. Papulkas


    Yup, the Jesus-lovin’ U.S. of A. is doing really well in the murder department…

    • CptCreep

      I like how you read that chart. Forget the fact that “gun deaths” is vague as shit and look at the fact that they have held steady since 1979 (there are 100 million more people living in the US now). Cars are safer though, so we got that going for us.

    • Butters

      The only interesting take away from that is that vehicle deaths are way down. In direct contrast to the predictions made when speed limits were raised years ago. Detractors were saying highways would become blood baths.

      I suspect accidents are down because highways have 3 lanes most of the time now, spreading out traffic and not forcing people to do stupid things to pass each other.

    • MeMyself

      Ironically most gun deaths occur in liberal cities where guns are outlawed, like New York and Chicago….strange isn’t it?

        [12,775 per year]

        approx. 90,000 –reported in hospitals–

        you’re at least 7 times more likely to be killed by a doctor than a gunshot. It’s also worth pointing out that the gun deaths number includes suicides and people shot by cops.

  13. No Name

    These people are all that’s wrong with humanity

  14. Ivana Gisagna

    There’s no such thing as homophobia, no one is afraid of picklesmoochers.

    Use the more accurate term – homonausea.

  15. You know what’s confusing me the most? That Jon Hamm and Jennifer Westfeldt gallery after the post… the hell they have to do with all this!?

    • Mohawk Disco

      Well, Duck Dynasty has big guns and Jon Hamm has a big gun too. That’s the only connection I can find.

    • For everyone who goes I don’t come here for politics, I come here for tits and dick jokes, Fish is saying, “Here. Here’s a goddamn titty/upskirt/peen gallery for you. Now can you let the rest of us discuss this pop-culture thing over here?”

  16. Smapdi

    I refuse to feel threatened by non-threatening people.

  17. The dude’s entitled to his opinions and he’s not hateful about it either so he’s cool in my book. But don’t act as if the history of Christianity is all unicorns farting rainbows, sunshine and roses.

    It’s a history written in blood, plagiarized from the older “pagan” religions and it was spread through colonialism and war.

    • Don, you’ve just described all of history, not just Christian history.

    • This idea of homosexuality as cardinal sin is based on like two passages in the bible and is used to justify prejudice for people that don’t want to be thought of as simple, hateful bigots. People use religion to their own ends, like anything else,

      As DZ pointed out, anyone that pretends there are cultures or religions more inherently or historically violent than Christianity doesn’t have the slightest fucking clue as to what they’re talking about.

      I’m an atheist so all talk of God or religion sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher to me, but in my experience people generally use their God or their religion to justify their own thoughts and behavior. Their God frequently and coincidentally believes exactly as they do and justifies all of their their actions. If there is a part of their religion that contradicts or opposes their own point of view people frequently choose to ignore or “not believe” that part. As though the word of what they see as the one true should be open to their own selective interpretation.

      • You got it right, JimJam. God is a piece of clay that anybody can mould to suit whatever purpose they see fit. And usually they mould him to be just as hateful as they are.

        Do you know the story of the creation of the devil? The Jews had the idea of one god. Most older religion worshiped many gods. The Jews were monotheistic so they created a god to rule everything. But there’s a problem with having one god to rule everything. You would also have to blame him for all the bad things in the world. That’s a problem.

        So they invented a rival, the devil. Even his name, Satan comes from the Jewish word “ha satan” or “the adversary”. So now that they have someone to blame for all evil they can worship their all loving god freely.

        But you see even that doesn’t work. God created everything, including the devil. That means that all evil comes from him as well. Christians like to dance around this fact or just plain ignore it.

      • That inherent contradiction is one that Christian’s (who almost without exception force you to debate the topic when they discover you’re a non-believer) cannot overcome. If God is all-powerful, all-knowing, all-everything then he is just as responsible for evil and suffering as he is for kindness and joy. The debate usually takes a turn towards free will at this point, but if free will and human logic lead me to conclude that God does not exist then why am I a sinner to be punished for my lack of faith? I’ve been given no reason to believe otherwise. So God owes me nothing and I owe him everything? Why? For being granted a life I never consciously asked for? One which involves just as much suffering and pain as it does happiness and pleasure? Sounds rather sadistic to me.

        And if God is the omnipotent, omniscient deity the Bible would have you believe then why would it be necessary for his son to suffer and die to redeem our sins? You can’t create the game and it’s rules and then demand reverence for a sacrifice that only you deemed necessary in the first place. Jesus’ sacrifice has no intrinsic value outside of the value God gives it. There’s no third party judgement. So his son’s suffering and death (which he knew would be a temporary state prior to resurrection which makes it another rigged game) was only necessary because God said so. Sounds like even more childish sadism to me.

        If I’m born in subjugation to your will, and my obedience and reverence are demanded or I go to hell, then I actually have no free will at all. I am not free to choose. I am a slave that can only choose to obey or not obey and accept the consequences of that action, which is no real choice at all. It’s a rigged game.

        Of course, this is all academic because the bible has no more practical value than an episode of The Care Bears.

      • Well said. God is very sadistic. If he’s all powerful and whatnot why do we have to leave it to faith to determine whether he exists or not? We should know that for an absolute fucking fact. We should be able to talk to that god if we need to. Why all the ambiguity?

        What kind of loving creator floods the entire world, just to get rid of a few things he doesn’t like? Can’t he just will them out of existence. Give them all heart attacks or something? Why does everybody have to suffer? What kind of loving god, allows the devil to punish his most loyal subject just to prove a point to the devil he created (killing that man’s family in the process)? If Adam named all the animals in the garden of Eden, then why are we still discovering and naming new animals today?

        The ancient Greeks believed their gods were real too. Where are those gods now? Relegating to the fiction section of our popular culture. And it’ll be the same for this one too eventually. It might take 1000 years, but it’ll happen.

      • Dox

        There is no proof for belief in God. So ultimately any debate is doomed from the beginning as it hinges solely on what an individual believes, not necessarily what is true or proven. With that said….

        I believe in God. I believe in Christ too. I just think we have the important bits all mixed up. Furthermore, I think the church did everything it could to simplify the story of Christ in such a way so that it could be understood by even the most ignorant dirt poor farmer on the planet.

        Doesn’t mean it isn’t based in truth.
        Just means most people never look beyond the thin veneer the church slapped on it, to gain wealth and power.

        And lets be honest here.
        The church was all about wealth and power for the better part of its history.

        Hence the reason man is an untrustworthy creature. Take a really good idea, and use it to virtually enslave people and make money off of them.

        Kind of sad when you think about it.

      • Nicely put, Dox.

      • The Nuns must have loved you in CCD class! I can almost hear the crack of the yardstick hitting the side of your head!

  18. When they came for the homosexuals I did not speak out as I’m not homosexual.

  19. Bane

    In GQ magazine no less. lol

  20. I have a few questions.
    Who gives a shit what they believe?
    Is anyone surprised?
    Have their statements influenced you to change your beliefs?
    Why are people so sensitive to what someone else believes?

  21. Aggie

    The Nazis were deeply Christian (and the Catholic church was their most willing collaborator) and Muslims recognize Jesus as a prophet. Now please go back to fucking your cousins and leave us sentient beings in peace.

    • it had to be said

      You’re a complete moron. The Nazis were absolutely not Christian and in the long term wanted to replace Christianity with a hybrid Norse/pagan/war deal.

      Also, Muslims treat Jesus as a prophet, but the Abrahamic religions recognize a lot of people as prophets. Doesn’t make them all Christians.

      Aggie indeed.

    • The Nazi regime was in no way fucking Christian. Hitler himself and the majority of the Nazi were secular atheists that wanted the German people dedicated to the church of national socialism. Much of Germany, and thus much of the Nazi party, self-identified as Christian but it was always the aim of the party to move German society away from religion. If anything they were dedicated to the occult or Aryan paganism.

      • Methos

        You are mistaken:
        “Hence today I believe that I am acting in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator: by defending myself against the Jew, I am fighting for the work of the Lord.” –Adolf Hitler (Mein Kampf)
        “We were convinced that the people needs and requires this faith. We have therefore undertaken the fight against the atheistic movement, and that not merely with a few theoretical declarations: we have stamped it out.” -Adolf Hitler, in a speech in Berlin on 24 Oct. 1933
        “The National Socialist State professes its allegiance to positive Christianity. It will be its honest endeavor to protect both the great Christian Confessions in their rights, to secure them from interference with their doctrines (Lehren), and in their duties to constitute a harmony with the views and the exigencies of the State of today.” –Adolf Hitler, on 26 June 1934

        There are many more such Hitler quotes, but space here is limited. Hitler was NOT an atheist.

      • it had to be said

        But he *was* a lying manipulator. If I string together quotes saying Jews are evil does that make them evil? Because if you take the words from Hitler’s mouth at face value once, you should do it again, right?

      • It’s a fine, well supported point, but the generally accepted notion is that early in the movement the Nazi party just couldn’t take on the church. The examples you offer are from that period. As Hitler gained power his hostility towards the church and it’s competition for the control of German minds increased dramatically. If Hitler himself was not an openly confessed atheist, high-ranking Nazi officials such as Goebbels, Himmler, Bormann etc. were all staunch atheists and open enemies of the church. Such a thing wouldn’t have been tolerated if Hitler had strong beliefs in the opposing direction. He went on to persecute Catholics and anyone that didn’t adhere to the “official” Nazi party Christian church, whatever it was called. The church offered him another means to control people until he was strong enough to eradicate it.

        “Positive Christianity” was just another attempt to, as ‘it had to be said’ already pointed out, manipulate people into viewing national socialism as the most important ideal in their lives. It eventually came to proclaim Hitler as the true messiah. It was utter bullshit.

      • MeMyself

        I never really got that since the Jews are supposedly God’s people…

    • derp alert!

      “said” is right. The occult roots of the Nazis has been well documented, and their symbolism gives them away (swastika, the runic SS logo, etc.).

      • Yy

        The Swastika isn’t an occult symbol, it’s a slightly altered Hindu symbol (and no, just because Hinduism is prominent in India where people aren’t white doesn’t make it akin to occult). The Nazis were a Christian group. As was the Vichy regime. Christianity has been present where heinous acts have been committed plenty of times.

  22. Yy

    Is it just me or is that first quote needlessly descriptive? It’s quite obvious this guy has spent more than a few passing moments thinking about sticking it in another man’s anus. Shall we takesbets on how long it is before he’s busted trying to play footsies with someone in a public washroom in Florida?

  23. For redneck Christians that actually seems pretty reasonable. He never said he hated gays. He doesn’t understand it and thinks it is a sin. So do the majority of Christians. I don’t even see how this is a big deal?

    • It[s a big deal because gays are being told by a major religion that God doesn’t like them.

      • it had to be said

        That’s been true for generations. Why is it a big deal that Phil Robertson, who closes every episode with a Christian prayer, says that he agrees with that very common Christian position?

        I kind of think it isn’t a big deal.

      • No one is being told that god doesn’t like them, they’re being told that god doesn’t like what they’re doing. And they’re being told by this Robertson guy, who is not the spokesman for any major religion. If a 70 something year old man that you’ve never met was quoted as saying he believed his imaginary friend that no one has ever seen thinks your lifestyle is a bad choice, would you give a shit? Because my friend the Great Gazoo says you masturbate too much. or not enough, I forget which.

  24. Hey Are You George Zimmerman?

    I don’t know what’s funnier: That that back woods hick even knows what a homosexual is, or that they even entertain the thought they another man might wants to have sex with thier crusty ass.

  25. I was really curious how long it would take for one of these guys to say something or do something that would turn the media against them? They’ve become really popular almost under the radar, but given their values and the place in the world from which they come it was really a matter of time before some enterprising journalist got them to admit to something or say something controversial. It’s what passes for journalism now.

    That said there’s little chance their audience gives a shit and what he has to say was really only offensive if you want to be offended. Ignorant and unsophisticated? Sure. Mean spirited and hate-filled? Not really.

    • it had to be said

      Actually, it was intellectually sophisticated to love the sinner and hate the sin. That is a lot more sophisticated than a lot of people who bang Bibles about homosexuality are.

      And, no, it won’t make any difference in my watching the show. I think they’re funny as hell, take the show with an enormous grain of salt (it is, of course, scripted), and don’t worry too much about what the Robertson’s believe in their deepest hearts.

      • I’ve watched the show quite a bit too. Eventually it became so insultingly phony that it took away from the humor for me, but your point is well taken.

        I didn’t see what he said as being terribly shocking either. He didn’t say he hated anyone or condemn anyone to hell for all eternity. For better or worse the Robertsons are deeply religious people. Most Christians you ask would likely also tell you homosexuality is a sin. It’s just part of their beliefs. And even on their own show Phil often comes across as kind of full of himself, so his myopic “do as I do” point of view isn’t really surprising.

        And with regard to this post’s headline, where did anyone but Phil Robertson say anything about homosexuals? So how is everyone on Duck Dynasty homophobic?

  26. To the people say that this country is being ruined, I want you to know I agree with you. The problem is I’m looking at things based on empathy, and you’re probably looking at things based on your imaginary friends’ 2000-year-old code of conduct.

  27. Cock Dr

    I feel bad for the ducks…shot out of the sky and then eaten by assholes.

  28. I don’t know, like others said, what he said was not that bad for the type of person he is or portrays himself to be anyway. My problem with the Duck Dynasty guys is that they are outright frauds. They are not this hillbilly, bearded bunch of guys, they are rich, upper middle class clean shaven guys who are only putting on this act to lure in hillbillies and they are cashing in on it left and right by selling everything under the goddamn sun to these hicks in Walmart for jacked up prices.

    For God’s sake Willie’s house is almost identical to mine. here is the difference between rich, conservative Christians and poor conservative Christians. The poor fools actually believe all the shit they are told which is why it is so easy to get them to follow and do any damn thing you want. The rich ones pretend to believe in the shit and outwardly do so, so they can profit off the backs of the poor dumb ones. Take the military for example, other than Si Robertson, I don’t believe any other members of that family have served in the military. Those Nascar drivers and country singers put on the whole redneck act and then go home to some of the biggest mansions you will ever see in your life in Aston Martins and Bentleys.

    When this parody of a hick show is over, the Robertsons will shave off those shitty beards, resume life at the country club and laugh at the dinner table counting the millions they made off the rube fools they have for fans.

    Hicks like to talk shit about rappers and athletes spending money on bling, houses and cars, but you will never see anyone spend more money on flashy houses and cars than a hick with money. They blow those guys away.

  29. SomeDude

    Funny how all sorts of gay groups talk about being tolerant and then as soon as a single person has an opinion other than staunchly pro-gay that person is called a vile, intolerant morons. Who is the truly intolerant group here? Last I knew we were all (that’s right… ALL!!) entitled to our own individual opinions. Sure, you may not agree, you may not like, but we are all allowed to have an opinion one way or the other.

    • You are entitled to your own opinion. But should you choose to express that opinion, everyone who disagrees with you is free to express theirs in return. That’s how it works.

  30. As a man that grew up in Appalachia I can back up Jefe’s point. Any rube that hits the lottery goes broke within five years from buying stupid, gaudy, useless shit that no one needs. Then they end up dead from drug overdoses or on welfare. It’s almost a cliche at this point.

    I don’t think they’re the total frauds you think they are, however. While the show is entirely scripted and totally and increasingly fake I think in the beginning it did bare some resemblance to their real lives. Obviously it made no bones about the fact that they had money, but they really were people that lived to hunt and fish and probably did have “redneck” taste and lifestyles. Maybe they still do. There are people that discuss Phil as just that, including Terry Bradshaw, going back 40-50 years. A part of the show is Phil making fun of his sons for their yuppie tendencies and middle-class lives.

    But they do all have an education (Phil even has a masters degree) and on the show they portray it as though people in West Monroe, LA don’t even recognize them or pay any mind which I’m sure is total bullshit. They probably don’t even live there anymore.

  31. Bane

    Barbara Walters named them one of the most influential families. LMAO! I am honestly enjoying the shitstorm this has started. Everyone get their little limp wrists slapped.. A mulit-millionaire redneck with a Master’s degree. Everyone is so confuse. Lots of true colors being shown on this one.

    Very entertaining. Obama must be relieved. Someone else is taking shit today. lol

  32. cory

    Hey Fish – no posts about Pajama Boy?

  33. Don’t know if that comment is homophobic. I mean, I’m strongly pro gay rights, but I’ve wondered the same thing. “Really, a man’s assho– we’ll alright, whatever floats your boat.”

  34. Mama Pinkus

    they are absolute trash and no amount of money in the world changes that

  35. i cant wait for the episode where the ducks strike back.

  36. cc

    He can make it up to me by shooting R Kelly. And Chris Brown.

  37. Jenn

    He’s entitled to his opinions and his beliefs. I don’t think he’s a homophobe, just has a different set of values. A&E was more than likely told how religious the family was up front. I’m not sure why they’re acting all surprised now.

    That said, passing judgement on someone for their lifestyle or religion is wrong and discriminatory. That includes Phil, A&E, and also Fish.

    Then again, this is America. I can be a judgy bitch to whomever I please. Freeedommmm!

  38. theextremistfish

    Fish has an opinion and everyone else with different opinions are
    to me mocked and called stupid.

    It’s the way of the ignorant, self important leftists

  39. JC

    Other than the sin comment; he wasn’t saying anything that a heterosexual man doesn’t think. I support gay rights but moreover I support free speech. People need to stop being so sensitive and quit trying to censor an individual because their beliefs differ from yours.

  40. PassingTrue

    Ah yes, A&E has decided to suspend Phil (who couldn’t possibly care less). Next the rest of the family (who threatened to stop making the show when A&E said they weren’t going to broadcast the prayer at the end of each show) will probably tell A&E to take their cameras and go home if Phil is barred. But since this *is* the number one show on cable and is making A&E a ton. The show will either include Phil, or it will end up on another network. Is there any other group that hasn’t run to the media yet. Isn’t there somebody on hold from Ducks Unlimited yet?

  41. rican

    In a nutshell, the First Amendment shall not apply when you express any comment deemed unfavorable by gays & minorities.

    • Did the government swoop in while we weren’t looking and throw him in jail for expressing his opinion? Because that’s all the First Amendment protects you from.

  42. Bane

    Embrace the Duck.

    Storm’s a comin’…….

  43. AN

    Regardless of my preferences and inabilities to relate (and I am sure it’s vice-versa), I focus more on the Teachings than the old rules, but one may note: man-love is stated as a sin in the Old Testament — apparently the sheep were supposed to keep a man busy when tending and flocking and all — but apparently a way of life in the New…unless you figure that women were simply cut out of the picture by the authors of the Gospels, that Big J really was a good rabbi and therefore had a wife and children and really meant was he said about stoning and befriending a lady others shunned, thereby opening a new topic about misogyny. But not wandering. Perhaps the Duck fellows might recall that loving they neighbor is not one of the 7 Deadly Sins, but Greed is right in there in The Big List. Mind you, I don’t criticize them for cashing in. Go for it ! But if you’re going to delve into the ol’ sin-list, don’t pick and choose.

  44. AN

    Apologies — but, yeah. It’s his opinion, and he can say it. A&E and the Ducksters are in business together. And whenever that business does not suit either, then either may seek to end it or change the terms. It’s about the $, and that’s fair.

  45. I’ll bet all the people who are upset over this also support “right to work” laws.

  46. Jon Hamm Penis Girlfriend Jennifer Westfeldt
    Commented on this photo:

    You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.

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