“Because ain’t nothin’ more street than Nivea hydrating lip gloss. It’s UV protection all day, nigga.”
So far in the wake of the Chris Brown/Drake bar brawl at W.i.P nightclub in New York we’ve seen what feels like every single person alive claim to have injuries (I’m still picking glass out of my coffee.), the club get entirely shut down and Chris Brown immediately snitch to the police, claiming Drake started it. In response, Drake and his entourage are now refusing to cooperate with the police, most likely because of all those sweet The Wire references I made. There’s no way that isn’t it. TMZ reports:
Members of Drake’s entourage are NOT talking to cops about the nightclub brawl with Chris Brown … because they do not want to become “snitches” — sources tell TMZ.
As one source put it, “We’re no running-to-the-police ass n**gas.”
In the meantime, Drake has reportedly addressed the fight during his show Saturday night albeit in the most cryptic and barely understandable way possible. Via NY Daily News:
After a couple of songs, Drake again dropped what appeared to be a reference to the scuffle. “It’s last call and you’re really too drunk to give a f—,” said Drake, wearing a long-sleeve black shirt and dark jeans.
“A n—- in the corner is standing there looking at you funny. You bump elbows with him on the way to the bathroom, but really there’s only one n—- that you got to think about.”
I honestly have no clue what the hell Drake just said, so to translate I brought in the blackest person I know. Ladies and gentleman, Gwyneth Paltrow:
Aight, niggas, let me set down this macrobiotic Chimichurri Coldplay makes me drizzle on his nuts – Aw, shit, just playin.’ – and GOOP in your eyes about mothafuckin’ Drake. Basically, this situation is about two niggas trying to drain their dang-a-langs both literally (da toilet) and metaphorically (Rihanna’s ass) but they keep bumpin’ elbows tryin’ to skeet that shit off. Some glass gets thrown, Breezy gets a boo-boo and I’m still best friends with Beyonce and HOV, so all y’all can suck my free-range, organic flaps. DJ Goopnani out.
Photos: Getty, Bauer-Griffin
If I was involved in a hair pulling, open-hand slapping, name calling bitchfight, I’d not “snitch” either.
WHOMEVER WROTE THIS STORY IS AN IDIOT B/C IF YOU’RE A VICTIM OF AN ASSAULT IT ISN’T SNITCHING. I GUESS THEN YOU CALLED RIHANNA A SNITCH TOO? COME ON YOU CAN’T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS. I BET IF IT WAS YOUR SISTER OR ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS THAT GOT HIT & WAS SERIOUSLY HURT OR KILLED BY ONE OF THOSE BOTTLES YOU’D WANT SOMEONE TO COME FORWARD. F.Y.I.—A VICTIM CAN NEVER BE A SNITCH WHETHER FEMALE OR MALE. I’D RATHER THEY TELL THE POLICE THAN GO SHOOT SOMEONE. SMH AT YOUR BS!!!…………..JENNY JONES!!!
You lost me at “whomever.” Of course you misused it. Of course you did.
And she typed in all caps. AND she “signed” her comment. God, I hate that shit, artofwar! Fucking hate it. There’s nothing I hate more! Yeah, I know I just started two sentences with the word “and” but whatever. I do it all the time. Ok see ya guys…kimmykimkim
Since they’re not talking, let me tell you cops how I’m pretty sure it went down:
Chris Brown [hiding behind one of his security guards] yells “HEY DRAKE, YOU PUNK!”
Drake, startled, drops his beer and it breaks.
Chris Brown, upon hearing the glass break, screams like a 8-year-old girl and runs out of the club as fast as he can, falling on the sidewalk outside in a panic and cutting his chin. He then spends the rest of the night telling anyone who’ll listen “I would have taken that bitch if he hadn’t had that bottle.”
Don’t forget the part where Chris pushes a pregnant woman out of the way and stomps on a toddler in a rush to get in the getaway car. He could’ve totes died you guys.
And we should also note that it was a girl toddler, since Chris Brown would never have the balls to stomp a boy.
or eight year old boy
“We’re no running-to-the-police ass n**gas.” Drake’s crew learned this slang when he was appearing in Degrassi.
You got it all wrong man, he’s cool now. Playing a disabled kid in a wheel chair and preaching about how not to act out in violence in every episode for money for x amount of years doesn’t mean jack shit once you hit the big time and start rapping about how hard you are.
In related news, Chris Brown shoved 6-year old Sally Jones to the ground after she pestered him for an autograph. When Sally’s boyfriend, 7.5 year old Jeffy Wilson threatened retaliation, Brown shoved one of his bodyguards at the boy, frantically jumped into the back seat of his limousine, and screamed “hits da gazz, fooh”!
I could translate most of that, but I thought HOV was high occupancy vehicle??
CARPOOL LANE, BITCHES!
selfish bastards should be real men and take responsibility for the people theyve hurt instead of being dildos
people are still caring about this bitch-fight?
If Drake got his little girly ass cut up in that tussle you can be damn sure he would be one of those “running-to-the-police ass n**gas”.
Drake isn’t a girl. I know that because Chris Brown ran from him.
For the win!
Shoot the one. Pay Per View.
Hhahah I use Nivea hydrating lip balm & I live in Toronto too but I hate drake,chris & rihanna
Money can’t buy you class or talent.
I’d appreciate if the Gwyneth-isms of using that racial slur weren’t happening.
David Schwimmer with a tan, spokesperson for Nivea now?
Looks like the black David Schwimmer. Schwimmer. It’s fun to say!
Being on the down low in the black community is ok, but only in prison. These two dudes should just come out and make it acceptible to go down low in pulbic and end this fake gagsta crap they pull. Being homo is ok now
Superficial Writer,
I would like to call attention to the fact that the full use of the “N” word on a public website, despite it being in quotes is unacceptable. We don’t know your ethnicity and for that fact you have to take extra care to remain completely neutral. Bossip uses the word…but I’m sure you can see the difference. I have been an avid reader of the blog for years but you may have lost a reader and I will be sharing this with others. Am I being overly sensitive? Yes. Do I have to be, YES. It is unfortunate that racism is still alive and well and ignorance is no excuse. So we must remain vigilant and speak up every time it rears its head. I’m sure you didn’t intend to offend and that the comment was innocuous – but that’s the top of the slippery slope.
Sincerely, Sensitive in San Jose
bury it up your ass, al sharpton.
Shut up, “Sensitive”, you fucking vagina.
these guys are keeping the black stereotype alive….you dont hear about white people doing this or calling themselves “no running to the police ass niggas”, dont shoot the messenger you overly sensitive asshole
Fuck off Sensitive.
Why does Drake using Nivea lip gloss on his ass-hole proves he’s homophobic? Cos he thinks it’ll keep the chaps from his anus.
I like the reptile breast thing. I also think that Rihanna is not classically beautiful but she is sexy and lovely in her own way.
Can T Boone Pickens chime in on this Drake fiasco as well?!
ha ha ha NIVEA…that’s hilarious…that’s the shit my grandma used to put on every night to make her skin soft (i.e. slimy and foul-smelling)….ugh….
Anyone who hits Chris Brown in the face with a bottle is a hero in my book.
I once had a hot date with a beautiful girl I met in New Orleans. Everything was great until we hit the sack. Then I found out what it was like to have sex with someone whose tits felt like lumps of concrete, visible scars. Except that I couldn’t even get it up. I could not believe how such a nice girl had ruined her body like this.
Give me a real woman any day, any size, any shape. True beauty is universal, it doesn’t need a surgeon.
She’s a V.