Dr. Drew: ‘Angelina Jolie’s a Heroin Addict’

Wait. What was I talking about? — Oh, right, Dr. Boobs.

With a new talk show about to debut on HLN, Dr. Drew needed to make a bunch of bold, headline grabbing statements, so here he is telling The Huffington Post that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are heading for a massive “meltdown” because she’s a drug addict and he’s an emotionless robot which apparently is the only possible explanation for leaving Jennifer Aniston. That has to be it:

Just add up a couple things. There’s no such thing as ‘I was a heroin addict.’ That doesn’t exist in nature. Something is going on with [her] addiction. Or she’s in recovery. And I don’t see any evidence that’s the case. So we’ve got one person who’s a heroin addict. Which is a chronic lifelong condition, period. We have another person who has said things like, “Well, Jennifer [Aniston] was into long-term relationships, that’s just her way of looking at things.” I mean, that demeaning attitude towards other people’s emotions. Now put those two people together and you have got a really volatile situation. And they’re constantly creating things to weld themselves together. Which is only going to serve to make a more nuclear eruption. There will be some sort of meltdown that will be phenomenal when it does happen.

So is Chelsea Handler having sex with Dr. Drew, too, or is Jennifer Aniston just giving him icejobs? Because I had a friend lose a penis that way and it’s nothing to joke about. That snowman’s still out there. Waiting…

Photos: Splash News