I will never get an erection again.

January 24th, 2010 // 265 Comments

Here’s a topless Donatella Versace in St. Barth’s yesterday and I don’t know how the hell the paparazzi knew this was her let alone a live human being. Seriously, it looks like someone pulled Pamela Anderson out of the sun’s core then told her sunscreen would help. “No, really, it doesn’t look that bad. Coppertone?”

Pics link to NSFW versions.

UPDATE: Turns out this isn’t Donatella Versace, but an Italian countess often mistaken for her by the paparazzi, according to Gawker. I don’t want to alarm anybody, but this means there’s now TWO Bacon Monster with Implants out there. I’ll be under my bed.

Photos: Flynet

  1. r k

    am i the only one that think she looks good for her age?

    (she’s like 90 years old, right?)

  2. Jill

    wow! 55 going on 95??!!

  3. Isn’t she on Jersey Shore? Tanning is sexy.

  4. beauty is in the eye of the beholder

  5. This is pretty – Pretty Knarly!

  6. I actually think the picture is what you would tend to see in the desert towns, with all the heat and sun.

  7. AdaSA

    Ashleigh- I just about fell off my chair laughing when I read your comment! Lohan’s definately not far off!

  8. Gorilla Greg

    I think what’s the funniest part is that she’s applying some sun screen. I believe the time for that has passed…

  9. Picture 2: LOL

    Is that the moment she discovered sunblock?

  10. RATA

    Damn you Superficial writer man!! you sure as hell censored her tits in every single fucking picture, but what about the crotch, man?! THAT ABOUT THE CROTCH??!! (pic # 2).

    Now if you all excuse me, I’ll be under my bed in fetal position whispering some lullabies to put me self to sleep eventually.

  11. Rhialto

    Which shoe polish brand is supporting us?!

  12. Darth

    Is this a Google ad?

  13. Guest

    Um … well, aside from the obvious … what’s with her implant in the first pic? it’s like … lumpy …?

  14. Scott

    Boil me.

  15. Now I'm Blind

    Please God, kill me now. Life has no more joy for me.

  16. Pal

    That’s not Donatella Versace.

    It’s not the first time that woman’s been mistaken for her.


  17. desperatelyhopelesslyhorny

    Everyone on here is either a liar or a gay fag. You losers know if you ever had a chance with this beautiful lady you would suck all the silicone out of her tits and lick her ass clean up to her small intestine. If you wouldn’t you are not a real man.

  18. Mister Bored

    That’s just… so wrong on so many levels.

  19. VandaL

    Oh my stars for the love of Liza.

  20. mooomoo

    i thought it was lindsey lohan

    thank thought it was saundra sand


  21. ====Its your time to get your cheap deal

             Discount up to 40% on Airfare

    (Airplane Ticket)=$1    (Hotel Room)=$1    (Rental Car)=$1

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  22. BennyFromThames

    Holy fucking sun damage… it looks like someone spliced dna from Pamela Anderson, Tara Reid & Jenna Jameson then aged it 20 years! This is the first time I’ve had absolutely no curiosity to click on the pic to see the NSFW version. Well, congrats you just cured me of my early morning wank session!!

  23. mark

    that is definitely not her. she may have had some surgery but she doesn’t have those wrinkles.

  24. NG

    Bajezus. Whomever it is, it is quite disgusting to be seen topless, or clothless…

  25. bobo

    is it me…or in picture no3 someone is running for his life? xD

  26. Turd da Third

    I hope Dr Hannibal Lecter hasn’t seen this yet, I am sure he’d sport a chubby over it

  27. Turd da Third

    And da Turd thought that the Leatherback was supposed to be a type of turtle. Oh well guess I was wrong. This thing is leather-everything.

  28. Turd da Third

    My friends refer to cigarettes as cancer sticks…I think in these pictures I am looking at a cancer stick. Maybe they should put her picts on packages of cigarettes in order to help people stop smoking.

    Because a smoking body she has…NOT!!!

  29. Art

    Swear to God, Playboy will clean this up and put it in “Grapevine” along with a caption about how hot she is.

  30. Turd da Third

    I’d have to keep the lights when having sex with ‘this” so that I new for sure that I wan’t accidentally fucking the leather couch

  31. nini

    Hey, I’m an open minded girl from UK, I’m interested in exotic things, photography, dating and sports…I have my photos on — SeekTall.com —, I love tall guys!
    Do you love traveling and have some experience? Just find me out.

  32. handyr

    King Tut with implants

  33. Bob

    The sad thing is that she probably thinks she looks good.

  34. /////////wow/////////////
    zhe l??kz like ….
    Dr. Zatanz 1zt. wife
    again: with da cereal bowlz
    upzidedown on her decaying chezt…..
    I wonder if zhe iz a
    morning peepz??

  35. wooohoooooooooooooo
    Scott Brown……
    1600 pennsylvania ave.
    in itz place..heheheee…effen yea!!!!

  36. Harp

    She looks like a corps that lay in the sun for a few days.

    I would only do her for her money…

  37. Come on, she is 94. Most people are 9 feet under at that age and look a lot worse

  38. M

    *takes a look at her boobs* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *looks again* NOOOOOOOOOO, HEEEEEEEEEEEELPPPPP, SOMEONE!!!!!

  39. madsky51

    I believe you can be arrested for posting that.

  40. name

    I cant believe she is wealthy! Her body looks like shes starving to death in a third world country and her face looks like a homeless man…glad Im not filthy rich, I like looking healthy.

  41. fat basterd

    I thought vampires burst into flames in the sunlight. Apparently, they only get toasty looking and shrivel up. So much for True Blood and Twilight.

  42. STFUP

    Yeah – more sun. That’s what those silicone-filled bags of leather need.
    Friggin NASTY!

  43. lucy

    Hey, I’m an open minded girl from UK, I’m interested in exotic things, photography, dating and sports…I have my photos on — SeekTall.com —, I love tall guys!
    Do you love traveling and have some experience? Just find me out.

  44. This looks like when Luke finds his Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru after the empire has killed them.

  45. slodsnof

    Handy….2 strops to sharpen your barbers shaving knife..

  46. Vinnie the Chin.

    She would look better with a dose of my man juice on her petrified boobs.

  47. Deacon Jones


    I just got caught looking at this by my coworker….

  48. Bouncy Castle


    I think it is her. Look at the photo in the link above – the shape just above her belly button.

    God that woman needs to get out of the sun.

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