I will never get an erection again.

Here’s a topless Donatella Versace in St. Barth’s yesterday and I don’t know how the hell the paparazzi knew this was her let alone a live human being. Seriously, it looks like someone pulled Pamela Anderson out of the sun’s core then told her sunscreen would help. “No, really, it doesn’t look that bad. Coppertone?”

Pics link to NSFW versions.

UPDATE: Turns out this isn’t Donatella Versace, but an Italian countess often mistaken for her by the paparazzi, according to Gawker. I don’t want to alarm anybody, but this means there’s now TWO Bacon Monster with Implants out there. I’ll be under my bed.

Photos: Flynet