DonaldTrump has a baby

March 21st, 2006 // 56 Comments

trump-baby.jpgSpawning a global wave of absolutely stupid


  1. gogoboots

    Yuck another Trump baby…great…! How does this old fart get so many hot chicks…? Oh yeah…MONEY how could I have forgetten…

  2. flamarkel

    That kid will be huffing hair spray every time his father holds him.

  3. Quiggie

    You KNOW that woman is in it for the money. I wonder if they got a pre-nup. If they did, she better open up a secret bank account and stash money whenever she gets a chance. JUST IN CASE!

  4. Would be better for Trumps Bank account if he married women who were Barren.

  5. Grphdesi23

    How can she even have sex with him?

    The mere thought utterly revolts me.

  6. Quiggie

    EEWW! How could she sleep with that tupee wearin’, rinkle dick old geezer? I wonder if he has LAD (Little Ass Dick) syndrome.

  7. Grphdesi23

    I wonder how all the kids are going to treat this little new Trump?

  8. Grphdesi23

    Trump will never admit it, but his goal is to impregnant young, hot supermodels, make them famous and then dump them for the next one.

  9. Grphdesi23

    Anyone know what the name of his next kid is going to be?

  10. tits_on_snack

    what is up with her face

  11. An exclusive Barron Von Trump baby picture can be found here

  12. c-ceg

    Baby Branding: The spelling of his kid’s name (Barron) is no error; it is the name of a major financial magazine (see Wonder if the publication paid Trump for the lifetime’s worth of advertising the kid will provide. Of course if the kid turns out to be a neutotic screwup maybe there’s a clause specifying he has to change his name to Wall Street Journal.

  13. hotintempe

    He has to have children by models, with genes like his you need something super to make his kids look decent.
    But those two older kids of his are funny looking, Trump Jr and Ivanka.

  14. kittykat13

    So how long do we have to wait for Trump to say…”oh my son…he’s hot huh? If he was just a LITTLE older…I would date him!! HA what a perv!!

  15. SuperSpence

    Here’s a name that kid better get used to in boarding school: Punching bag.

  16. gogoboots

    I will try to forget the horror of actually having sex with Donald Trump. I would be way too depressed to even have his children EW!

  17. Wait until that baby confuses Ivanka for his mother – then hilarity ensures.

  18. quibbles_quaint

    Trump has to keep having kids, even at 59, so as to contribute to his future hair fund. Once the Donald is all the way bald, little Barron will wake up one dark and gloomy night to the sound of phantom clippers.

  19. ensues, ensues


  20. LoneWolf

    When asked to comment, Barron replied, “My father is WHO??” and began to vomit. Then, after suckling at Melania’s breasts, he yelled, “You’re hired!”

    LMFAO at #15.

  21. Foxbase Alpha

    Even his sperm have big sweeping comb-overs.

  22. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    She has got to be using some sort of “happy” drug just to keep from vomiting when she has to perform her “wifely” duties. And for me, it would be a big “performance”. How could you have sex with this freakin’ fugly geezer, with his fabled comb-over and weird, old-little-boy curled-lip pout? Just picture this, if you will: Donald on top of you, lip curled, comb-over waving in rhythm to his thrusting, breathlessly mumbling, “that’s it, that’s it, yeah…yeah…yeah”!

    AHHHHHHHHH! I think I need a mental washcloth now!!!

  23. gatsby2216

    What else does one do with his time…actually I don’t think his wife is that beautiful in the first place? The only time one gets famous is by either marrying someone who is, divoricing someone who is, or dying young….
    As for the children, they have it made. Of course they will endure the lifestyle of their father. He has no looks, just luck. I would not want to be known for just a name, thanks but no thanks.

  24. InsomniActress

    So I definitely submitted this story yesterday morning…

  25. Meghann

    The Hilton family is gonna be pissed.

    A reporter once asked Melania if she’d still be attracted to Trump if he wasn’t rich. Her reply was, “Would he still be attracted to me if I wasn’t beautiful?”

    That pretty much sums it up.

  26. Italian Stallion

    #6 very funny, but to answer your question Melania was just saying the other day, how she wished The Donald’s dick size was as big as his freakin EGO……..So I’d have to say he does suffer from LAD’s….How the hell do you name your kid what your head will be in 2 years………….

  27. hafaball

    Quiggle, thikning about Donald trump’s dick is something I try to avoidd at all costs…but I feel but for the kid, his dad is 59 and looks about 70. Though i’m sure he’ll live a bit longer from all those organs he stole from those hobos awhile back.

  28. SpiderMomma

    #22 That was hilarious, but for some reason I feel the urge to pour acid directly on my brain and shove rusty pokers in to my eye sockets.

  29. Jacq

    SuperSpence, Spindoc and tits_on_snack, you are going to get me fired when one day I fall out of my chair at work LMFAO.

    Melania will one day look like that crazy plastic surgery “Cat Woman”. Your face should NOT look like a kabuki mask.

  30. cat

    #22 – if he is not using a “performance enhancer”, sex with the donald would only last 3 seconds! if it is she lays there and looks at her watch, waiting for the viagra to wear off. what a girl has to do for a few mil. it’s just …. banal.

  31. Quiggie


    You should be suppling chuck buckets along with a mental picture like that. YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  32. gardeniagirl

    i agree she is treading dangerously close to kabuki mask territory. I wonder if she stopped the botox and injectable fillers during the spawning period.well, at least she can be wasted on percocet for a few weeks, because i am sure she had a c section!

  33. gardeniagirl

    #9, i think they may name the next one Von Munchhausen.

  34. gardeniagirl

    but perhaps Melania is more familiar with The Stockholm Syndrome, so maybe something like-oh-Pippi, or Ursula?

  35. mamacita


    I did that with the Britney stepping on a needle story. An hour later, the story’s posted, and I get no love. No “thanks to mamacita for the tip”. Superficial biyatches.

  36. sid

    Ordinarily, naming a kid a “baron” would be retarded, but as long as the little shit has billions in a trust fund, it’s going to fit just fine. Heh…remember the Johnny Cash song “A Boy Named Sue?” Poor people gotta fight; rich people name their brats a baron (yes, I know, it’s “Barron”) and it all falls into place. I hope the little shit falls into a pool and drowns. Awful to say, yes, but with rich, greedy, egomaniacal, lazy, superficial parents like that, the little Trump turd is only going to steal from the poor and bring suffering to others, so who needs the newborn lump of shit? Just like his Dad, he was born with money, and the rest of the world has to suffer because of it.

    DIE, BARRON! Go for a swim when the maid is too exhausted from cleaning the garage, Daddy is filming another commercial, and Mommy is drunk.

    May a jetliner crash into the family mansion and wipe them all out. Overpriced, twice-divorced white trash with too much cash…they breed like flies.

    Peace :)

  37. theyareidiots

    #10 and #29, THANK YOU!!!

    I can’t figure out why people think this chick is attractive. She looks like a middle aged samarai warrior with a bad face lift.

    nice rack, though. probably not real, either.

  38. Foxbase Alpha

    This kid stands to inherit a THIRTY! BILLION! DOLLAR! INDUSTRY! along with dozens and dozens of gaudy polished brass building signs with “TRUMP this” and “TRUMP that” emblazoned on it all over Manhattan.

  39. krisdylee

    melania will likely put the donald to good use, and let wee barron suck on donald’s man boobs when she’s too tired…. aahhh, gawd, now i need that mental wash cloth

  40. ranesing

    Barron? Should have been Barren………….

  41. networkchick

    I was thinking she looks like a ferret.

  42. Mr. Fritz

    She has that “Ew Donald, did you shit in your diapers again?” look on her face. She looks like she had plastic surgery. Still, she is hot, and Donald is a sack of shit.

  43. Dee

    Barron??? ugh…thats so bad.

  44. Jayne

    I knew a Barron.
    And I made fun of his name in h/s.

    Fuck it all.

    It’s not going to be the same at our reunion.

  45. Olichka

    I don’t know what kind of crack you all are flaming up, but please keep that shit to yourselves.

    I guess I’m the only girl here who finds Donald completely captivating. If he would have me, I’d marry him any second, and volunteer to perform my “wifely duties” as soon as possible. You see, the thing about Trump is not his money. It’s the fact that he CAN make that kind of money. Have any of you ever seen him on Jay Leno? It’s like watching a chocolate bar with a dick, very yummy. Trump has power and confidence, more power and confidence than most men. And that’s what makes him completely hot shit.

  46. TaiTai

    I just got a mental picture of a composite like Conan O’Brien does — the baby with Melania’s ugly plastic ferret face and The Donald’s hair. Yikes! His name is not the worst of his problems.

  47. URalllosers

    That lucky motherfucker. For her sake I hope it is worth the money.

  48. slinkhard

    ‘I can’t figure out why people think this chick is attractive.’

    Because she’s standing next to Donald! Even Tori Spelling would look good in comparison.

  49. rmeno

    #10 Yes…her face doesn’t even look human…i mean you can tell some work has been done, it’s artificial looking…but Donald thinks she looks good because that’s all he’s been surrounded by for the last 20 yrs…plastic faces!

  50. bellabsue

    She gave an interview about 8 months ago where she was asked and I quote, “Would you be with Donald if he wasn’t rich?” her reply, “Do you think he would be with me if I wasn’t beautiful?”
    When I have seen them both together giving interviews she usually just looks plastic….or waxy…like a candle. No wait a minute…The Donald could have a fembot made…..right? Humm

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