Donald Trump Tells Robert Pattinson Not To Take Kristen Stewart Back, Is Very Concerned With This

October 18th, 2012 // 44 Comments
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Donald Trump may have been completely wrong about Obama‘s birth certificate (In The Donald’s defense, the dude did look some kind of black.), but if there’s one thing a double divorcee now married to a Slovenian model understands, it’s love. So here he is tweet-warning Robert Pattinson not to take Kristen Stewart back because have you heard these kids go nuts for this Twilight crap? He’s got like 100 more Twitter followers already. Like shootin’ vampire fish in a barrel:

Robert Pattinson should not take back Kristen Stewart. She cheated on him like a dog & will do it again–just watch. He can do much better!

Except as savvy of a businessman he pretends to be, Donald failed to remember the first rule of Twi-club. Never bring a hairpiece to a sparklecock-fight:

- Lots of response to my Pattinson/Kristen Stewart reunion. She will cheat again–100 certain–am I ever wrong?
- Robert I’m getting a lot of heat for saying you should dump Kristen- but I’m right. If you saw the Miss Universe girls you would reconsider.

And, BOOM, there it is: The sales pitch. “So, Rob, mind if I call you, Rob? Because I like you, I’ll not only give you Miss Pennsylvania and Miss Rhode Island for the price of Miss Idaho, but I’ll even throw in Miss North Dakota if you agree to come on Celebrity Apprentice. And it’s really a fun show, you’ll love it. We’ve got the Poison man Brent Cycles, and one time we even had Chewbacca from Star Wars but only for the afternoon or Kris Jenner got to eat my grandchildren’s hearts. (Never haggle with that woman.) Whadda ya say?”

Photos: Ivon-F Filho/AKM-GSI


  1. Mr. Poop, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm

    Trump needs to get a hobby

    • Randal

      What a look Kristen has in these photo’s, certainly alluring with that fountain of hair cascading over her shoulder like a fresh summer waterfall. She’s a smart one, this Kristen, wearing an All Day I Dream About Stewart t-shirt. Too hot to handle for this average bear.


  2. I think Sparklecock can get women on his own without the help of the oversized Oompa Loompa’s asshole known as Donald Trump.

  3. Colin

    Sounds like Trump rented “Cosmopolis” and ended up seeing it as a relatable teenage drama rather than social commentary.

  4. So basically this whole thing is just Trump’s idea of a stunt to promote the Miss Universe pageant—which he owns—in two months.

  5. YoMamma

    Brent Cycles. HA!

  6. Indiana Jones and the Binders Full of Women

    I want too bring misery to her cunt

  7. Old Married Guy

    Not sure if my chances are better with her single or with sparklepuss…

  8. achilles wrath

    Miss Universe sucks I can see better looking women walking down the street!

  9. Kristen Stewart Cheating Booty Shorts
    Commented on this photo:

    Why is she wearing a diaper?

  10. Craptard

    Maybe the old Trumpster is hoping to interview KStew for a spot on the next season of Celebrity Apprentice. In the back of his limousine. with no pants on.

  11. Colin

    Maybe Trump just wants her. I hear he’s starting some binders.

  12. Kristen Stewart Cheating Booty Shorts
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder if she would let me fuck her if I “cock-dazzled” my wang with sparkley gemstones…….or tattooed the word “director” on it.

  13. Troll's Nighmare

    The Donald wants to fuck Kristen. A young, twisted piece of meat who’ll fuck anything? What businessman could resist. I understand Kristen has to buy a new answering machine every week because Japanese businessmen keep filling it up and she doesn’t know how to erase messages.

  14. STFUP

    Hol crap! Trump and I agree on something! Mark this day!

  15. Kristen Stewart Cheating Booty Shorts
    Commented on this photo:


  16. There is no bigger piece of shit on Planet Earth than Donald Trump. It really grates on me when people say this about other folks, but here I go anyway: That ignorant, self-centered, fucked-up hair, festering asshole needs to eat dog shit and die a slow painful death! I really hate that guy.

  17. Am I ever wrong? – Says the guy who’s declared bankruptcy how many times now???

  18. not a voter

    Trump is a scumbag, to be sure. But, the “official” birth cert provided was full of inconsistencies. Look it up.
    Trump was in on the scam, too. They wanted the ‘birther’ issue put to bed before the election cycle heated up. His ‘candidacy’ was a sham to sell books, he supported Rahm Emanuel’s run for mayor, and he carried the regime’s water on this one.
    Also: Romney’s campaign was in on stealing the primaries from Paul with ballot stuffing and closing select precincts, and screwing over his delegates at the RNC with a last-minute rule change…so he isn’t eligible either.
    Both of these men are stooges of wall st and the military industrial complex. If you think you’re morally superior by supporting either of them, you’re a sucker.

  19. zomgbie


  20. El Jefe

    Blah blah blah….Miss Universe, which was the entire point of the bullshit coming out of his mouth.

  21. Kristen Stewart Cheating Booty Shorts
    Commented on this photo:

    she looks smokin hot!

  22. The Royal Penis

    Trump is right.

    Thing is, unless he is going to give advice on how to shit on and destroy Kristen as he’s done with his previous wives, there’s really not much point in saying anything.

    He’s only saying what every male with half a brain already knows. Pattinson is just a super douchebag for letting himself be used.

  23. Kris


  24. theoriginal LJ

    If Pattinson can walk back into this Kristan Stewart deal with the outlook that she’s a convenient fuck for the next couple of years, why not?

    She’s hot and he’s 26.

  25. Kristen Stewart Cheating Booty Shorts
    Boo Yah
    Commented on this photo:

    Soooo fucking sexy.

  26. Daisy Kenyon

    Trump is condemning her because of her Looks and her BODY and that is just plain sexist.

  27. Gary Grant

    Trump knows about cheaters cause he did it so well with Ivana and Marla.

  28. cc

    I won’t even attempt to say anything funny about Donald. He’s loudmouth sack of shit, his sons are dinks, and I hate their guts.

  29. Burt

    Considering his own track-record, maybe he shouldn’t be giving relationship advice.

    Really, is he such a narcissist that he doesn’t realize this makes him come off looking like a hypocrite?

  30. Kristen Stewart Cheating Booty Shorts
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn…she’s hot! This is how I like my women to look!

  31. Sandoucheky

    Jesus Christ those tweets are hilarious

  32. who the hell cares about this lumps opinion?

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