Donald Trump Isn’t Running For President

May 16th, 2011 // 54 Comments

NOTE: Mommy and Daddy are going to talk politics for a minute, so for those of you just here for the pretty pictures, we’ve had an entire morning of bikini photos and whatever the hell Jennifer Lopez is wearing. If L. Ron Hubbard drew Spider-Man, it’d look like that.

Despite the pivotal Joey Lawrence endorsement, Donald Trump has finally announced he’s not running for president after a months-long campaign in the media hinged entirely on questioning Barack Obama‘s birth certificate that ended, for lack of a better word, hilariously. On that note, for those of you who didn’t realize this was nothing but a giant publicity stunt for Celebrity Apprentice all along, now would be a good time to question why you fall so easily for these things, but first, let me tell you about exciting investments in gold! Via Mediaite:

After considerable deliberation and reflection, I have decided not to pursue the office of the Presidency. This decision does not come easily or without regret; especially when my potential candidacy continues to be validated by ranking at the top of the Republican contenders in polls across the country. I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election. I have spent the past several months unofficially campaigning and recognize that running for public office cannot be done half heartedly. Ultimately, however, business is my greatest passion and I am not ready to leave the private sector.

READ: “For the record, I totally would’ve won, but instead decided to leave you at the mercy of the secret Kenyan Muslim I’ve been raving about for months while I amass more wealth. God Bless America!”

Photo: Getty

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  1. RoboZombie

    This guy needs a cock-punch…with a baseball bat.

  2. Brooke

    “I could have been president, but I just didn’t feel like it.” In all honesty, it would be a major pay-cut, so thank god he thinks with his wallet and not with his patriotic love for his country.

  3. benwa

    darn

  4. Can we put his face on a coin anyway? A coin that I carry only in my back pocket on flatulent days.

  5. guess it’s palin-backman again for gop in 2012. can’t wait

  6. PunkA

    He talked to his hair, and The Hair said no. End of discussion.

  7. Cock Dr

    As if we would vote to have that hair in the White House.

  8. His patented cross-hatch comb-over would have looked great on the $3 bill.

  9. Satan's bitch

    There’s a long tradition of comedians running for prez in this country. However, I thought The Donald would never get to the punch line! Whew… Buh-bye!!

  10. uncle ruckus

    Wow, what a shocker. Cuz, he’s never done anything like this before, has he?

    How is this even news???

  11. Deacon Jones

    What does it say about the GOP that THIS was their solution to Obama?

    What does that say about them. All the years of crying and whining about Obama and over the weekend, two of their top vote getters (48%) Huckabee and Trump, have dropped out of the race before it even began.

    Pathetic.

  12. Bob

    This is so sad:
    The right’s best to offer is/was Trump.
    The left’s best to offer is Obama.

    • StuckInTheMiddle

      We are screwed either way. Both sides want an over reaching government. The left wants to reach for more of your money and the right wants to reach for more of your freedom. The common folks get screwed again.

      • MisterSuccint

        Between them it’s a reach-around.

      • uh huh

        yeah, cuz that texting legislation Obama just signed into law is so all about us keeping our freedoms…and don’t forget the health care takeover – you really think you’ll have more freedom of choice once the gov’t takes it over?? sorry guys, but both parties have no problems curtailing freedoms if it means more power for them.

  13. Darn, I was looking forward to the first black President being followed by the first orange one.

  14. Queequeg

    I guess that leaves the field open for Snookie.

  15. KNOBGOBBLER3

    I totally get the up side of being a gold digger but DAMN! How much LSD does it take for his wife to mate with this freakshow? Holy cow shit! It would ruin my mood if she looked at my package and barfed.

  16. It had to be said

    An American President who wears pink, gets fake tan, and dyes his hair. He might have been America’s first female President (ZING!)

  17. Robert Acquafresca

    as much as I am a right wing birther, this guy is nothing but a natural born asshole. I hopes hes searching for Obamas adoption records and his real Kenya birth certificate because after Trump runs his mouth, Obama produces a fake Hawaill bc to and then bitch slaps him at the correspondants dinner and Trump has been quiet as a church mouse since then. When the going gets tough, Donald “USFL” Trump, goes away. Not my kind of leader.

    • People claim that “birthers” are ignorant and illiterate. Please stop reinforcing that stereotype.

    • TomFrank

      Weren’t you the guy who was arguing that the birth certificate Obama produced proved he was ineligible to be President because, according to you, a “natural-born citizen” had to have two American citizens for parents? (An argument which many of us disproved, by the way.)

      So now you’re saying it’s fake. Whatever, loser.

      • Inmate 12236969

        Hey shit for brains I believe Obama is an American and born in the USA. Now download the BC open it in Photoshop—IT’S FAKE OK!

      • MrsWrong

        you’re a tool…Even if he was born in Kenya…if his mom is from the USA he has dual citizenship. He was forced to show his info to people way smarter than your dumb-ass to run for president. Hes accomplished more than Bush ever did…more than you ever will grow up and quit trolling

  18. angerinside

    Looks like somebody left a flaccid penis out in the sun too long

  19. Campaign Manager, ya’ fired.

  20. Donald Trump

    Why doesn’t anybody like me here? YOU’RE ALL FUCKIN’ FIRED! WINNING! HAHAHA

  21. Suge

    Anyone with a brain knew he was never really going to run. Trump does NOT have the kind of cash it takes to launch and run a successful political campaign. Trump is not as wealthy as some would like to think. In fact, he HAS to do CA because he hurts for cash.

  22. Not quite Kennedy hair on this one.

  23. Rosie

    wow he quit.
    before he could get fired.
    what a blowhard.

  24. cc

    People told him that his time honoured technique of declaring bankrupcy and stiffing your creditors was a bit more complicated when you are taking about a nation as large as the US. With his one and only plan shot down, he had to withdraw.

  25. the captain

    who wants a bald, BIG LAUGH anyway?
    ………..AS A PRESIDENT?

    haaaaaahahahahahahahahaha!!!

  26. Artofwar

    How does he do that???…. How does this man continue to get his hair to just hover over the top of his head without actually connecting to his skull???…..Artofwar

  27. Blogger

    WHEWWW, A BIG SIGH OF RELEIF!!!!

  28. stevebeagle

    well at least that pic finally lets me know whats going on with his hair..it’s a wild combo of the comb over (left to right), followed by the comb back (the front strands grown way to long & shellacked back over on top of the comb over.

    mystery solved

  29. MrsWrong

    looks like someones been rolling in Cheetos again

  30. Donald Trump
    laing
    Commented on this photo:

    Rather than going for president, why not hair dressing?

  31. barroom hero

    For FUCKs Sake…with all of that dosh you think he could afford a better rug.

    WTF?????

    Fuck you.

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