Donald Trump Isn’t Running For President
NOTE: Mommy and Daddy are going to talk politics for a minute, so for those of you just here for the pretty pictures, we’ve had an entire morning of bikini photos and whatever the hell Jennifer Lopez is wearing. If L. Ron Hubbard drew Spider-Man, it’d look like that.
Despite the pivotal Joey Lawrence endorsement, Donald Trump has finally announced he’s not running for president after a months-long campaign in the media hinged entirely on questioning Barack Obama‘s birth certificate that ended, for lack of a better word, hilariously. On that note, for those of you who didn’t realize this was nothing but a giant publicity stunt for Celebrity Apprentice all along, now would be a good time to question why you fall so easily for these things, but first, let me tell you about exciting investments in gold! Via Mediaite:
After considerable deliberation and reflection, I have decided not to pursue the office of the Presidency. This decision does not come easily or without regret; especially when my potential candidacy continues to be validated by ranking at the top of the Republican contenders in polls across the country. I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election. I have spent the past several months unofficially campaigning and recognize that running for public office cannot be done half heartedly. Ultimately, however, business is my greatest passion and I am not ready to leave the private sector.
READ: “For the record, I totally would’ve won, but instead decided to leave you at the mercy of the secret Kenyan Muslim I’ve been raving about for months while I amass more wealth. God Bless America!”