Let’s Watch Emperor Hogbody Energize The Youth Real Quick

Donald Trump spoke at the Boy Scout Jamboree yesterday, a presidential tradition that dates back to Roosevelt, and said some crazy inappropriate shit.* The Emperor of The Hogbodies touched up on just about everything an apolitical child needs to hear to get them fired up for their big camping trip: a play-by-play of how the Electoral College worked out for him, how huge the crowd is but MSM won’t show it, and how unimportant and feeble their lives are as individuals until they pledge their loyalty to Emperor Hogbody.

It’s common knowledge now that Donald Trump’s speechwriters don’t even try anymore. They just give him the same red, white, and blue buzzwords he loves for the first paragraph or two and then they might as well write the rest in webdings (everything else is comic sans by request) because he’s just going to toss the script for his signature “crowd work”.

And he really delivers on this one… He goes off prompter at 13 minutes in and then we’ve got 25 minutes of drunk uncle Frank at Thanksgiving explaining your cousin’s “choice” to be a lesbian.

Perhaps my favorite part of his address to the Boy Scouts was his anecdotal account of one of his rich developer buddies that was once in a slump, but stuck it out and sold his company to a big conglomerate for millions of dollars. He then lived happily ever after and bought a big yacht and… “I won’t go into that anymore because you’re Boy Scouts, so I’m not gonna tell you what he did…” Which is actually great advice for the kids looking to get their fill a yacht with vagina and cocaine badges.

*Replace “Boy Scout Jamboree” in the first sentence of this article with any other presidential appearance and you got a fun trivia game!