Dog says ‘I’m back, racism!’ or something to that effect

The Superficial / May 15, 2008

Dog the Bounty Hunter is returning for its fifth season proving that America loves retarded Bible-totin’ racists – in leather. (Back me up, West Virginia.) A&E held a “carefully choreographed” press conference yesterday to announce its decision to return Dog to the air. The AP reports:

“It’s not about ratings,” A&E spokesman Michael Feeney said. “We know his heart. We know him and know he’s not a racist.”
Scott Lonker, vice president nonfiction and alternative programming at A&E, said viewer demand for the show also weighed in the decision.
Niger Innis, national chairman of the Congress of Racial Equality, said Chapman’s use of the racial slur was wrong. But he noted that Chapman “took ownership of the harm it caused” and “sought to turn his life around.”
Alphonso Braggs, Hawaii chapter president of the NAACP, disagreed, saying Chapman got off lightly for behavior that is “absolutely unacceptable.”
“If individuals see they are able to behave inappropriately with little or no consequence, they will continue that pattern,” he said.

While A&E played it close to the vest with its press conference, somebody should’ve made sure Dog didn’t send out press kits of his own. Like the one I happen to have in my shaky, caffeine-fueled hands:

Dear Viewers,

Dog here. Thanks for your prayers and support. I’m glad to be back making the streets of some random town in Hawaii safe for my wife and her tank breasts. For those of you worried about my unfortunate remarks and how they’ll affect my anti-climatic bounty hunting, fear not. I’ll be equally pursuing all criminals whether they be inbred white-trash, spooks, slant-eyes, heebs, wetbacks, and, the always elusive, Guinea wop dagos. Did I forget anybody? Awesome. Jesus loves you, everybody! Unless you’re gay.

-DOG

Photos: Splash News