Dog says ‘I’m back, racism!’ or something to that effect

May 15th, 2008 // 73 Comments

Dog the Bounty Hunter is returning for its fifth season proving that America loves retarded Bible-totin’ racists – in leather. (Back me up, West Virginia.) A&E held a “carefully choreographed” press conference yesterday to announce its decision to return Dog to the air. The AP reports:

“It’s not about ratings,” A&E spokesman Michael Feeney said. “We know his heart. We know him and know he’s not a racist.”
Scott Lonker, vice president nonfiction and alternative programming at A&E, said viewer demand for the show also weighed in the decision.
Niger Innis, national chairman of the Congress of Racial Equality, said Chapman’s use of the racial slur was wrong. But he noted that Chapman “took ownership of the harm it caused” and “sought to turn his life around.”
Alphonso Braggs, Hawaii chapter president of the NAACP, disagreed, saying Chapman got off lightly for behavior that is “absolutely unacceptable.”
“If individuals see they are able to behave inappropriately with little or no consequence, they will continue that pattern,” he said.

While A&E played it close to the vest with its press conference, somebody should’ve made sure Dog didn’t send out press kits of his own. Like the one I happen to have in my shaky, caffeine-fueled hands:

Dear Viewers,

Dog here. Thanks for your prayers and support. I’m glad to be back making the streets of some random town in Hawaii safe for my wife and her tank breasts. For those of you worried about my unfortunate remarks and how they’ll affect my anti-climatic bounty hunting, fear not. I’ll be equally pursuing all criminals whether they be inbred white-trash, spooks, slant-eyes, heebs, wetbacks, and, the always elusive, Guinea wop dagos. Did I forget anybody? Awesome. Jesus loves you, everybody! Unless you’re gay.

-DOG

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. hot mess

    WTF?? The national chairman of the Congress of Racial Equality’s name is “Niger”? LOL

  2. Big Nose

    You forgot to offend money hungry hook nosed Jews. Get em all dude.

  3. lori

    Hahahhah ha ha!! You are on fire today! Thanks for the belly laughs.

  4. m

    Oh no… not another West virginia insult.

  5. boredom

    speaking of tank breasts the girl in the background has some huge tits too. Does everyone around him have over sized mammaries including himself

  6. boredom

    speaking of tank breasts the girl in the background has some huge tits too. Does everyone around him have over sized mammaries including himself

  7. havoc

    I just think its cool he hooked up with Hulk Hogan’s ex wife.

    What?

    Oh……..

    .

  8. Guy

    *cant stop staring at his pecs*

  9. lolerskates

    All those offensive terms and yet you can’t bring yourself to say the n-word for a laugh. What kind of country do we live in when it’s acceptable to use derogatory terms about everyone else, even for a laugh, but you don’t dare make fun of african-americans?

    Coward.

  10. mimi

    Who cares… what is Britney doing?

  11. wow looka dem titties in the background!

  12. IN WHICH CENTURY LIVES THE SUCKER?

  13. k

    Smooth, you spelled West Virginia wrong.

    May want to ask South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Louisiana and the Bush family about “retarded bible-totin’ racists”. West Virginia was netural in the civil war. Just fyi.

  14. lori

    @14 – Neutral is spelled n-e-u-t-r-a-l. Just thought you’d like to know before you start bashing someone else for a misspelling.

  15. Amanda Gates

    Yeah…VirGINA…nice. And thanks K.

  16. havoc

    WEALTHY ROMANCE .COM IS AN IDENTITY THEFT SCAM.

    DO NOT GO TO THAT WEBSITE.

    .

  17. k

    @15 So it is, sorry about that, stupid phone.

  18. LB

    Where’s his boots? Those shoes don’t go with his costume.

  19. k's dad who touched him

    @14,

    Just fyi, there was an open primary election 2 days ago in West Virginia where the dumbfucks literally got on TV and said “We don’t like black people.”
    Maybe you should pick up a newspaper and not your cousin’s penis. Just saying.

  20. Auntie Kryst

    @2 Yes he did see “heebs”, but he did forget the Polacks, Paddies and Bohunks.

  21. Sasha

    His wifey is actually attractive for a fatty.

  22. mbizzle

    that is his wife in the background, she has lost about 100 lbs since i saw her last…and you’re right, she does resemble linda hogan

  23. B

    Is that the wife, the one in the white mini? Somebody needs to tell her that her outfit is not appropriate for her age or for the thickness of her legs.

  24. CV

    So you are telling me that West Virginian’s are racists since they did not vote for Obama, WTF? You could have said they are cavemen or muslim like if they voted for Obama instead of Hillary, fuck you twat breath!

  25. LB

    Those be white trash ho clothes.

  26. jrz

    Watch out George Clooney……

    and her momma shoulda named her Grace…..

  27. edamame

    Blue suede shoes?!

  28. toolboy

    Typically, I don’t comment on how other people dress (glass houses and shit), but it looks like a friggin’ WalMart sneezed on them.

  29. Jackson

    Dog’s wife reminds me of Kim Kardaskank!

  30. LL

    You can tell white people are the master race just by looking at this picture, including the chick in the background. I’m so proud I could poo.

  31. Joco

    Everybody is a racist, it’s just that some let it slip out

  32. Gia

    It is sad when middle aged women try to wear things that an 18 year old can get away with. Since she is fat, she should wear a-line skirts/dresses that go past her knees. I suspect Dog likes her to dress this way and must be the kind of guy that likes to see women in short skirts no matter what size they are or age.

  33. This is where the party ends
    I can’t stand here listening to you
    And your racist friends

    I know politics bore you
    But I feel like a hypocrite
    Talking to you
    And your racist friends

    Name that tune…I’ll be back..

  34. LL

    And although I agree that W. Virginia is no more backwards than any other white trash state, and probably less so than most, stop whinin’, WV doofuses. People are usually unaware that you exist at all, and when they are, they picture coal miners and mountain folk pickin’ on their banjos and drinkin’ moonshine. Almost charming, like Branson or Dollywood. Imagine being Oklahoma. Uh-huh, I thought so.

    Also, I love how people bitch about Superficial’s racial slurs because the ones he uses aren’t racist ENOUGH. Is there a white trash style book I’m not aware of where “spook” is not the preferred term for black people? Does it confuse people when they read words that aren’t in their 250-word vocabulary? You do know that scientists have trained chimps to recognize more words than that?

  35. mbizzle

    that outfit is actually tame compared to what she usually wears. at least her boobs aren’t falling out of that top like they usually do.

  36. 21st century digital boy

    God, they decided to bring back this fuckin’ guy again… Glad to see how America really is transitioning into the Idiocracy right on schedule. “Hey ya’lls, Dog’s done back, turn on the tee-vee contrapsion! Whoooo-hooo!”

    “We know his heart. We know him and know he’s not a racist.”

    Awesome. Well, I know that you’re lying, because everybody knows that TV execs and spokesmen don’t have hearts.

  37. jazzhands

    29- toolboy. hahahaha!! That’s some funny shit!!

  38. Brakus

    ‘Sought to turn his life around?’ Because he used the dreaded ‘N-word’? Give me a fucking break. The arrogance of the left is truly astounding, portraying anyone who commits blasphemy against the religion of Political Correctness as some society wrecking, morally wayward bottom-dweller who needs to face up to their inner monster and fix themselves pronto, so they can jump back on the path laid out for them by the haughty, self-appointed thought police.

  39. When did Dog get breast implants? His boobs are bigger than Lily Allen’s…

  40. Rachel

    So, girls, I don’t really understand your thinking, so you have to tell me: Mrs. Dog looks like a fat pig to me…are we going to criticize her appearance to death, or demand that she be considered “normal” and maybe even “very attractive for her age”? I’ve already learned to ignore what my eyes tell me, but I can’t quite track your 180-degree reversals yet.

  41. Too bad

    #39 – the elections this fall are going to be very painful for you.

  42. LB

    Actually, it looks as though she’s dropped a few pounds. Her breasts make her look fatter than she is. Yeah, she looks fairly decent for her age, but could look so much better if she’d change her wardrobe to a much classier look.
    I’m embarassed for her whenever I look at her.

  43. That picture is enough to make me stop liking breasts altogether.

    I kid of course, but it’s still…

  44. Mandy

    @41

    Fat Americans tend to stick up for other fat Americans. And America has no shortage of fat people; it is a huge unhealthy problem. She is fat and she makes her fatness worse by wearing those teenage girls clothes. She would look decent for a middle aged fat person if she shopped in the Womans World department for big women.

  45. Brakus

    @42: Why do you assume I am American?

    And also, why do you assume, just because I am opposed to arrogant do-gooders using their collective power to redefine ‘free speech’ as ‘speech we want to hear’ and tear people down because their views don’t match their own, that I would be opposed to a ‘person of colour’ standing for the Presidency? Are you equating anti-PC opinion with being racist? Supremacist? Perhaps even genocidal? This is exactly the kind of smug vilification I was talking about.

    Please, let me know just how evil you have judged me to be based on my opposition to people being told what to say and think. Perhaps I could take your views on board and turn my life around…

  46. Kristy

    Your awesome! Funniest sh*t I’ve read in a long time

  47. Too bad

    #46, Mr. Windy – you don’t have to turn your life around, you just have to turn your computer off. Please. We’re begging you. (Somebody, quick, code up a buzzkill filter!)

  48. missywissy

    Christina Aguillera is trying to outdo Dog in the boobie department.

  49. mamadough

    we have a game that we play any time we HAVE to drive through west virgina, you have to say “Dur” at the end of every sentence from the time you enter the state to the time you leave it. it gets you accustomed to the local culture and confuses the fuck out of everyone you meet. go ahead, try it

    ” i like to fist fuck my sister, Dur.”

  50. patty

    Of course it’s ok for you to bash the Bible toters but yet everyone has to be nice to the gays. Gay is not ok. Your immoral choice is not ok. And no, I’m not homophobic because I’m not scared of you. Love the sinner not the sin. Wake up. The head of the GMHC has proclaimed that aids is a gay disease. Don’t you read?

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