‘Do These Look Big Enough? I Can Never Tell.’

September 14th, 2010 // 256 Comments

Sorry to hit you with two Heidi Montag posts today, but – *points up* – those.

Apparently before leaving Costa Rica, Heidi took time to pose on the beach in a bikini that could barely contain her massive jugs, or she horribly underestimated their ability to take on sea water. I’m of two minds on the subject. That said, I know I should be sick of seeing this chick parade around in swimwear, yet here I am staring like I’ve never undressed my cousin’s Barbies. Just last night. (I need help.)

Photos: Pacific Coast News

superficial

  1. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    Crabby Old Guy
    Commented on this photo:

    No nip – just combo of hand/finger/thumb/water/idiot bleach blond with huge tits.

    Not that I find anything wrong (ever) with that combo platter.

  2. Heidi this is jesus/ur conscience calling.. Fyi ur thighs are starting to get saddle bags. Better sched some lipo right quick. Oh and ur new nose is still a couple milimetres too wide. And get that chin fixed already!

  3. DeaconTheBeacon

    Stomach is flat, nice. Legs are thin but not toned (“skinny fat”), OK, so so.

    But what’s with the cottage cheese action on the butt & backs of the thighs?

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to rub one out after making this post, but still….

  4. Bateman

    They look fine, worth every penny.

  5. Schnib

    Man face

  6. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    Penis
    Commented on this photo:

    she has a double ass crease where her legs meet her ass

  7. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    Mark
    Commented on this photo:

    Say what you want…dumb, waste of space, married to a tool…but I’d hit that.

  8. TAB

    I guess she couldn’t afford a bathing suit that matched, ’cause she spent her money on plastic surgery…She is FUGLY without her make-up on…just sayin’..

    • I know

      @TAB I know wtf happened, she used to look hot in every single picture, now she looks like the ultimate butterface. It doesn’t even look like her at all, not even how she looked right after her surgeries. WTF!

  9. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    Huh?
    Commented on this photo:

    Heidi + no makeup = average

  10. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    Rough, stole dead friend's personality
    Commented on this photo:

    Did she really get Ass implants. That is so deceptive. Id squeeze into one but I wont accept it. I wont, I wont, I wont…

  11. Obvious

    if her tits were natural she’d be fine. Fake tits = ho

  12. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    Amorfismos
    Commented on this photo:

    Ugly, plastic skank

  13. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    Rush
    Commented on this photo:

    look at that big joker moving south!

  14. Johnny Cage

    I wish all the married chicks would stop showing themselves off. Enough already, you’re already bonded with a guy so stop spraying your breasts in my face.

  15. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    Fas(c)h(ion)ist(a)
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s got major cankles. And what’s with the tape on her nose?

  16. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    burton
    Commented on this photo:

    they are fake, give any female with smaller breast a boob job and she too can look insecure, brainless,bimbo,moron…those things look stupid, underneath the skin they are 2 bags of silicon, sorry but I would rather be with a smaller NATURAL breasted woman than one who has these. I dated a woman who had breast implants a while ago and they are hard, cold and not soft at all…i think this would be annoying having to hold them up like that.

    • u no wut u r

      ur a jealous fattie who can’t get dong or a donglovin woman hater

      • chelsea

        Or he just appreciates natural tits, which are WAY more fun to play with than fake ones. I think having breast implants would make them less sensitive. I love having my boobs groped and squeezed, but fake ones probably can’t feel shit.

  17. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    terryo
    Commented on this photo:

    her butt is luscious

  18. u no wut u r

    all women who don’t like this are jealous / fat / ugly. try exercise and surgery.
    all dudes who don’t like this are good at typing with balls in their mouths.

  19. adriane

    It is a real shame people or never satified with there bodys or anyone elses. People make jokes and say rude comments if a person is to fat, or too skinny , if a person has a big butt or little butt, if a person has big jugs or little jugs, now this seems all pretty immature to me but grown ass people do ieveryday. I dont know I am happy with the way I look and dont see any need for plastic surgery, how ever some people are very sensitive about there bodys. They have the surgerys to improve there carrirers or self image, sad thing is to much plastic surgery and you could end up looking like a plastic doll.

  20. sasha

    I have never seen a needier woman. She’d die without attention.

  21. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    ____
    Commented on this photo:

    I think I’m with Hetero and ChinoLatino. I can think of a million chicks I would rather look at less. Her body is amazing and while absurdly huge, that rack would be a lot of fun to play around with. And I can think of a couple of ways to prevent her from talking.

  22. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    Matt
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s up with the bridge of her nose? Bandaged up or something?

  23. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    shavederic
    Commented on this photo:

    And to think they’re wasted on that albino freak she’s married to.

  24. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    shavederic
    Commented on this photo:

    sorry haters – I’d tap that ass in a heartbeat

  25. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    shavederic
    Commented on this photo:

    Perfect. Now hold that while I tickle your bellybutton from the inside.

  26. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    shavederic
    Commented on this photo:

    My new screensaver

  27. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    Alberto
    Commented on this photo:

    That is indeed what might be called a pair of Guzongas.

  28. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    Alberto
    Commented on this photo:

    That right boob is evidently bigger than the left one.
    And is not a perspective issue.

  29. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    Wow
    Commented on this photo:

    wow…I didnt realise how much of an old womans ass she had! Jesus. YUCK! She needs to focus on that nigger ass!

  30. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    fap
    Commented on this photo:

    Her legs are short, not long, starting to look like treestumps etc…and those hips are only gonna get fatter.

    I see why the surgeon was trying to balance out her fat ass hips with those stupid fake balloon thingys now.

  31. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    Hugh Gentry
    Commented on this photo:

    she has an amazing body, but the worst fucking taste in men. Her self esteem must be horribly low.

  32. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    Jesse Jackson
    Commented on this photo:

    Mouth open and/or bent over, just the way I like my skanks. My only question: are they built for speed or comfort? Ah, who gives a shit. Nom nom nom…

  33. Why doesn’t this bitch just go ahead and suck some fucking dick and drink some cum…she’s headed for porn anyways…

  34. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    _me
    Commented on this photo:

    So I think it’s almost time for her to get some ninja tattoos, or start dressing in Nazi memorabilia. Any bets as to how soon that starts to happen?

  35. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    memem
    Commented on this photo:

    We don’t get to see enough of this side of her. Hell ya Heidi. DAT ASS!

  36. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    Commented on this photo:

    Does anyone knows what is the supposed reason for her to be in Costa Rica?

    For no related reason at all, I do remember that Prostitution is Legal in Costa Rica.

  37. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    BigDaddy
    Commented on this photo:

    No nipple, just a big scar where it use to be.

  38. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    Rabbie
    Commented on this photo:

    What the hell is up with her nose? I mean, obviously its surgery. Lots and lot’s of surgery but Jesus. Look at that nose. It looks like she’s been messing around with some silly putty and then realized there might be a camera within ten miles she could point her mega-cans at and left the house without checking a mirror.

  39. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    JMK
    Commented on this photo:

    What is going on with her nose????

  40. JMK

    Seriously, can anyone tell me what’s going on with her nose???

  41. ----

    Why has no one mentioned the fact that her skin is all blotchy like she has some kind of skin disease? (see right side of stomach and right thigh pic #1) is it bad fake tan or does she have vitiligo?
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitiligo

  42. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    Glenn Beck
    Commented on this photo:

    that is one fine ass

  43. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    Sarah
    Commented on this photo:

    wow this girl really has an ugly face. her hair is hideous too.

  44. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    lauren
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s what she looks like when she lets Spencer cum all over her skank ass face.

  45. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    GP
    Commented on this photo:

    At least she will never sink in the ocean…

  46. anonym

    well she went and fucked her nose up again.

    if she ever wants to get into acting, she’d better learn how to pretend to look shocked.
    that shocked look on her face is not convincing enough.

    all her shit is fake- fake body parts, fake facial expressions, fake…….

  47. Heidi Montag Bikini Wardrobe Malfunction
    DrDoug
    Commented on this photo:

    Come on you guys. She actually doesn’t look bad at all. And not one of you schmucks who’re making comments about Heidi would kick her out of bed…

  48. Linds

    What’s with the white spots all over her legs and stomach? That’s doesn’t look normal.

  49. josh

    It’s been such a long time Heidi ! I barely recognize you !

  50. It seems the prospect of her boobs falling off scared/confused just a tinkle of piss outa her in that first pic. And thats both sweet and hot.

Leave A Comment