Dita Von Teese topless in German Playboy

November 25th, 2008 // 136 Comments

A topless Dita Von Teese appears in the December issue of Playboy Germany and, sonofabitch, that’s it. I’m moving to Germany. I thought this country was kickass, but when we can’t even get Dita Von Teese to pose in our Playboy for the holidays, it’s time to pack it in and start selling states to Canada. I’m not even joking. Which is why I’d like to announce the launch of my new site: Das Oberflächliche.com!

Sieg Heil, bitches. (That means “Hello,” right?)

NOTE: Pics to link NSFW versions which give new meaning to the scientific term “nipples the size of dinner plates.”

Photos: Playboy, The Sun

  1. Dirk Diggler

    Between Seig Heil, and the blantant commercialism, I think its time to abandon the fish.

  2. IB

    @bob – November 25, 2008 7:49 PM
    “whats wrong with her nipples?…. why is every one saying they look big and ugly, “i disagree.

    Thats because the individuals making the comments aren’t used to seeing breasts in real life and are unaware of what nipples look like unless they are erect as seen in pr0n.

    I think @100. Stephanie hit the nail on the head with her comment. IMHO the pictures look AMAZING.

  3. agree

    @ 90. kitty_kat – November 26, 2008 2:29 AM
    “The big nipple comments are making me laugh. Have you guys ever seen a real, actual breast in your lives? If you did, you’d know that a lot of women out there have areolas that look like hers.”

    QFT. I’m beginning to think NO. Most breasts in a non aroused state look like this. I’m thinking many of the posters here need to study up on human anatomy. Seriously. The comments here are showing a sad lack of knowledge of human basics.

  4. big_dog

    let’s see some proof: come on, post those kitty titties!
    (ps – where do you see all of your naked areolas?)

  5. Randal


    You pale fat porker, lay off the mashed potatoes and stuffing this year and stick with a small piece of turkey, you’re flabtastic figure is a disgrace and an affront to young girls everywhere who should be shamed into a size 0 for the sake of all men in the world. Your cow udders are grotesque and bloated like your hips and ass. You are a fatty-fat-fat piggy who should be put on a diet pronto or Old MacDonald will have a new oinker in his sty tomorrow.

    Your face sucks too. Get some sun, Ringo.


    - Randal

  6. Boring! Playboy is like Maxium now, the world wants shock value! maybe if she was naked walking on the streets of new york or in a gangbang with 10 dudes then people be like “wow what a slut!” but here it’s just a boring slut showing off her boobs.{ BLACK FRIDAY DEALS -Click on My Name}

  7. Razmataz

    She is beautiful and I love her retro smut style. Tits are perfectly hot!

  8. TUBBO

    Dita Von Ta Ta’s

  9. c0mpufreak

    I’m impressed you managed to translate The superficial into german.

  10. Bob

    And here’s one of Dita’s porns:

    Google video search them — I found a masturbation on on the first page of results.

  11. #106 – I’d like to deal you a smack, you fucking spam douche.

  12. Matt

    Great fucking rack!

  13. txangel

    ugh enough with the “at least they’re not boy nipples” comments. i have small nipples on small boobs…not much i can do about because i am definitely not into implants – natural is better. and hey my boos are perky =). haha

  14. #114 – Boos? So small you can’t even put on the last “b”? Or are they just that scary? I kid of course. Small (ahem) boos are cute, but you better have a fat ass.

  15. None Of Your Business

    This woman is not attractive. I am not saying she is ugly, but she is not at all pretty, hot, or pleasant looking. I don’t get people’s fascination with her at all….. Her only talent is being pale, wearing old clothes, wearing outdated makeup, and swishing her boobs around on stage… and may i mention again that she isn’t even beautiful.

  16. cavy

    She is so beautiful. That cover is pure style and elegance….something you’d never see on an American Playboy (although, the 1 she was in over here was beautiful too). I’m a straight female, but I can appreciate how stunning Ms. Teese is – Hell, I just wish I looked like her!

  17. txangel

    elliot_spitz_on_her_ – correction *boobs*….and actually i do have a pretty nice booty ;-)

  18. Mcfeely Smackup

    ” 14. Erin – November 25, 2008 6:28 PM

    They tried to make her look like Bettie Page in the second one. ”

    Erin, you must not be familiar with Dita Von Teese’s catalog of “work”. Impersonating Betty Page is 100% of her schtick, always has been.

    Also, I really wasn’t aware we were mired in some kind of shortage of nude photos of Dita. She’s a fucking porn actress for gods sake. OOH! A porn actress bares her boobs in German Playboy…stop the god damned presses!!!

  19. ch474

    I’d say something but I have Dita’s boobs in my face right now … time for motorboat noises.

  20. EuroNeckPain

    I don’t know what’s wrong with you. She is extremely beautiful. Even when naked she remains classy.

  21. Miss

    a classy women wouldn’t pose naked for the world/money.

  22. Shaefer

    What’s up with all the tit-hating nancy-boys posting on here? I would sew my mouth to those in a heartbeat. Then I would start her on a steady diet of baby gravy.

  23. NotBlonde

    What is truly bizarre to me is this continued confusion of “nipple” with “areola”.

    I was almost surprised that someone actually got it right, but then I realized they were female.

    To the Superficial writer and males everywhere: the nipple is the tiny protruding (or inverted, depending on the breast) bit of flesh that is typically the darkest part of the breast. It is the part that babies suck for milk and men suck to give women pleasure.

    The areola, on the other hand, is the ring of color AROUND the nipple, not the nipple itself. As in the pink or brown or even black ring of color around the nipple. Saying that a woman’s “nipples are the size of dinner plates” is retarded and incredibly inaccurate. Unless you think that that is humanely possible, which is isn’t unless you have a serious deformity.

    Please please please learn the difference because really, you just sound like an idiot. Nipple and areola are not interchangeable.

  24. swan

    she has a nice body and it’s sexy for sex’s sake. Not beautiful in a natural way (too much make-up).

    What is unattractive to me about the nipples/areolas is the paleness of them. If they were darker she would be hotter. PALE pale baby aspirin pink nipples kind of freak me out. BUT that doesn’t mean she might not turn someone else on. To each his own.

  25. packinwood

    Who the f#*k is Dita Von Teese?

  26. Albatross

    #129 – She’s a highly-overrated, albino stripper.

  27. Are american TITS cursed or something?

  28. patrik

    She’s all good and all, but looks like she would require Social Distortion or the Brian Setzer Orchestra playing in the background as you drill her.

  29. TheSarge

    I had this chicks pussy lips on my face for a buck. I was a bouncer at the Platinum club in E St Louis in late 90′s….Shes just a stripper yall.

  30. Aja ( the real )

    What is supposed to be wrong with her nipples? Wow, that’s reaching. her breasts are gorgeous. Wtf?

  31. Erica

    Since when are these “nipples the size of dinner plates”? Has the person who wrote this article seen real breasts?

  32. man, you must be a virgin if you’re dissing dita’s tits.
    you’re being waaaaay too picky.
    like most of you could get anyone that’s hot enough to be in playboy.
    dita is gorgoeous(:

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