Discovery Gunman is All You, Gosselins

(And, no, not because he’s Asian. Jerks.)

What at first seemed like another heroic attempt to bring us Shark MONTH, the manifesto of James Lee (above), the armed gunman possibly holding an explosive device in the Discovery Channel building, has been found and it suggests a man so thoroughly sick of reality shows featuring child birth, he finally snapped when the 19th Duggar came home. Here are the first two items from his screed which is literally all over the fucking map and kind of makes me wonder why he didn’t hit TLC first. [Ed. Whoops! Discovery owns TLC. And this is why I write dick jokes.] Via Oliver Willis:

1. The Discovery Channel and it’s affiliate channels MUST have daily television programs at prime time slots based on Daniel Quinn’s “My Ishmael” pages 207-212 where solutions to save the planet would be done in the same way as the Industrial Revolution was done, by people building on each other’s inventive ideas. Focus must be given on how people can live WITHOUT giving birth to more filthy human children since those new additions continue pollution and are pollution. A game show format contest would be in order. Perhaps also forums of leading scientists who understand and agree with the Malthus-Darwin science and the problem of human overpopulation. Do both. Do all until something WORKS and the natural world starts improving and human civilization building STOPS and is reversed! MAKE IT INTERESTING SO PEOPLE WATCH AND APPLY SOLUTIONS!!!!
2. All programs on Discovery Health-TLC must stop encouraging the birth of any more parasitic human infants and the false heroics behind those actions. In those programs’ places, programs encouraging human sterilization and infertility must be pushed. All former pro-birth programs must now push in the direction of stopping human birth, not encouraging it.

At this point, conservatives are going to label this guy a left-wing terrorist because of his environmental activism. However, liberals can just as easily point to Item #5 which might as well be called “Death to Anchor Babies.” So, after a long 24 hours of political division on The Superficial, let’s come together as a nation and lay this thing at the vaginae where it belongs. Specifically Kate Gosselin’s. Now, not to be smug, but I told everybody something like this would happen, but noooo, there had to another season of her pretending she always take the kids ballroom dancing. HOW MANY MORE PEOPLE HAVE TO DIE?!

UPDATE: Snipers took the dude out. Let the not feeling guilty about all those Shark Week jokes begin!

Photo: Katie Gross