Discovery Gunman is All You, Gosselins

September 1st, 2010 // 70 Comments
James Lee

(And, no, not because he’s Asian. Jerks.)

What at first seemed like another heroic attempt to bring us Shark MONTH, the manifesto of James Lee (above), the armed gunman possibly holding an explosive device in the Discovery Channel building, has been found and it suggests a man so thoroughly sick of reality shows featuring child birth, he finally snapped when the 19th Duggar came home. Here are the first two items from his screed which is literally all over the fucking map and kind of makes me wonder why he didn’t hit TLC first. [Ed. Whoops! Discovery owns TLC. And this is why I write dick jokes.] Via Oliver Willis:

1. The Discovery Channel and it’s affiliate channels MUST have daily television programs at prime time slots based on Daniel Quinn’s “My Ishmael” pages 207-212 where solutions to save the planet would be done in the same way as the Industrial Revolution was done, by people building on each other’s inventive ideas. Focus must be given on how people can live WITHOUT giving birth to more filthy human children since those new additions continue pollution and are pollution. A game show format contest would be in order. Perhaps also forums of leading scientists who understand and agree with the Malthus-Darwin science and the problem of human overpopulation. Do both. Do all until something WORKS and the natural world starts improving and human civilization building STOPS and is reversed! MAKE IT INTERESTING SO PEOPLE WATCH AND APPLY SOLUTIONS!!!!
2. All programs on Discovery Health-TLC must stop encouraging the birth of any more parasitic human infants and the false heroics behind those actions. In those programs’ places, programs encouraging human sterilization and infertility must be pushed. All former pro-birth programs must now push in the direction of stopping human birth, not encouraging it.

At this point, conservatives are going to label this guy a left-wing terrorist because of his environmental activism. However, liberals can just as easily point to Item #5 which might as well be called “Death to Anchor Babies.” So, after a long 24 hours of political division on The Superficial, let’s come together as a nation and lay this thing at the vaginae where it belongs. Specifically Kate Gosselin‘s. Now, not to be smug, but I told everybody something like this would happen, but noooo, there had to another season of her pretending she always take the kids ballroom dancing. HOW MANY MORE PEOPLE HAVE TO DIE?!

UPDATE: Snipers took the dude out. Let the not feeling guilty about all those Shark Week jokes begin!

Photo: Katie Gross

superficial

  1. GIVE THIS MAN HIS OWN SHOW

  2. Boy Down Assholes

    hmmm…..sounds like the guy doesn’t like kids.

    • Nancy Pelosi

      Sounds more like he makes sense. How can the same channel that features program like “Planet Earth” and “Mythbusters” produce shit like Jon and Kate + 8 ugly kids? Don’t get me wrong, I’d totally tap Kate…but I’d double bag it before I blew one into that puppy mill. This is a statement on the absurdity of what we have become as a nation. Reality TV drove this man to commit a horrible act.

      Who among us hasn’t watched 18 and Counting or John and Kate + 8 Whores Jon Fucks and not felt like taking the law into our own hands?

  3. Liberal Hater

    Lame…the dude didn’t even blow himself up. What a waste of a potentially good story :(
    Oh, who’s the check int eh Born To Fit Gap add…she’s hot.

  4. McFeely Smackup

    This is the best reality show pitch I’ve seen since Ice Road Truckers.

    I like the bit about “filthy human children” and “parasitic human infants”. It’s like this guy is speaking to my heart.

    • sobrietyisacrutch

      “filthy human children” and “parasitic human infants”.
      I think Mike Rowe did a segment about that on “Dirty Jobs”.

  5. Peanutty

    It is the Duggars that made me snap too.

  6. Malthus is wrong

    His manifesto and demands sound like standard leftwing pro-statist radical environmentalism. I am pretty sure this is already the party line on DSC, MSNBC, etc.

    • Mr. t

      one story I read said Inconvenient Truth is what made him snap….there are right wing nut bags and left wing nut bags it’s just that the douche that runs this site
      will go out of his way to point out the right wing nut bags as typical to the right cause and left wing nut jobs shouldn’t be lumped in with all left wingers.

      • Malthus is wrong

        Exactly Mr. T. I like this site for the titties, the douchebag who writes the pro-government posts can go fuck himself with a rake.

  7. OneLess

    Why don’t we help this guy reduce the human population by starting with him?

  8. Tea Baggin

    Tea Baggin.

  9. Cue libtard rationalizations:

    “Yeah, he’s kinda crazy BUT….”

  10. fish btw vaginae is plural. is there something we don’t know about kate?

  11. no matter

    The left will claim he is a right-wing plant because nutters can only be conservative

    • normal

      and the right will use the exception to ‘prove’ a bogus rule, that people interested in the planet’s well-being are radical. like when they find the coldest day of the year to come out and say “global warming, huh, libtards???”, ignoring the overwhelming trends and weight of evidence.

      it is the mark of a child’s mind (or the ideologue’s) to reason from an individual instance to the general– any individual instance like this means nothing. same for the racist conservative who shot dudes at the Jewish Museum in DC a year or so ago. by itself, it said nothing about conservatives. without data and broader trends, individual events like this give rhetorical ammo only to idiots. so be on the lookout!

  12. marinius van der lubb

    The man makes SENSE…

    • Cadillac Jack

      I concur. No one on this site has likely read Ishmael, ya know…

      • Daniel Quinn is my favorite author. I have read all his books. Not sure why I felt the need to post this.

        This guy like most cared about the future of earth and man. He should had started his own forum to help find answers to the population issue. But he went and did the best anyone could ask. He had himself killed. So I give him props for putting his money where his mouth was.

        I do wish him the best in the next life or heaven or hell or as whatever animal or insect he decides to come back as. I’m guessing he will shoot for a virus.

      • Vito

        Does this guy’s actions qualify for the Darwin Awards?

    • Cardinal Fang

      I have to agree with you.

  13. molly

    hey everybody how about we stop pushing people into the two broad “left” and “right” categories? guess what! it’s completely possible to have original thought! you can be anti-abortion without being a conservative, and you can be anti-war without being a liberal!

    WHAT A RADICAL FUCKING NOTION.

    • McFeely Smackup

      you might want to consider that “left wing” and “right wing” apply equally as well to individual ideas and policies as they do to people.

      i.e. You can be anti-abortion without being conservative. You’d be a conservative who holds a particular left-wing value.

      The terminology has been around a long time, deal with it.

      • molly

        i’m not protesting the terminology i’m protesting the fact that everybody shoves people into one of two categories based on a single opinion. it’s simple minded and it’s the same as saying there are only good and bad people in the world. people are more complex than “left” and “right”. sitting around bitching about the “bleeding heart liberals” or “batshit conservatives” is just about the most god damn mind numbingly uneducated argument you can make.

        this is why western society is so fucked up. not because of the liberals or the conservatives (god knows “they” like to point the finger at each other), but because of the people who perpetuate the division and live by the “with me or against me” code.

    • Paprika

      amen!

  14. Wait this is in Silver Spring MD–and still ongoing?? Damn that’s just up the beltway from here, although… DEATHBYSTONING arent ur twice as close?

  15. yobot

    I agree. this guy does make alot of sense. im gonna hafta continue his work while he’s away.

  16. Wootang

    Discovery owns TLC. Two birds, one stone.

  17. brilliant

    Wait, why did he go after the Duggars? Then he could really make a difference.

  18. brilliant

    that would be ‘didn’t’

  19. radio_babylon

    if even one of those hostages were armed, chances are good this situation would have been over before it hardly started. everyone likes to say “why would anyone need to go around armed all the time?”… right up until some nutter walks into the restaurant youre eating lunch at, or the bus youre riding, or your place of employment, or your home. then, all of the sudden, the “why” of it becomes crystal clear. bottom line, the responsibility for the safety of you and your dependents begins and ends with YOU ALONE.

    when seconds count, the police are only minutes away.

    • when seconds count–the second amendment counts :-)

      fish i was seriously considering heading up there to get you exclusive vid on the offchance anything happened, but well by the time i get through PG and AA county traffic it’ll be sundown.. and he’s inside anyway. that pic’s apparently 2 yrs old

    • I agree we should all be armed and trained in the use of firearms. I don’t want to wait minutes when I have only seconds.

    • Randal(l)

      but what if the nutter didn’t have such easy access to all them pretty boom sticks in the first place

      Randal(l)

      • radio_babylon

        and what if rainbows and gumdrops shot out of my ass every time i farted?

        ill take easy access to guns and 80 responsible armed citizens to every 20 armed nutters, over rigidly controlled access to guns and 99 unarmed fish in a barrel to every 1 armed nutter who got ahold of a gun anyway.

        ill be goddamned if im going to be one of those fish in a barrel. but if youre cool with being easy prey, nobody is MAKING you take responsibility for your own safety. meanwhile, ill carry a gun… because a cop is too heavy.

  20. jales

    There are 4 BILLION people in Asia, compared to the 529 million people in North America. Maybe dude needs to go back to his homeland and preach to them.

  21. judah

    “A game show format contest would be in order”
    The man has obviously never seen “Cash Cab”

  22. trousers

    This guy’s manifesto is spot on, a shame he had to ruin his cause like this. Although, I guess he helped it in a tiny way.

  23. Ray Sist

    Shot by police?!? Oh, the Asian community will be rioting over this for sure. Oh wait, only our African American citizens are allowed to riot over race issues. You know, (whispering) “that whole slavery thing” gives them their free pass to act like animals.

  24. soupmanson

    I wonder if Al (I invented the interwebz) Gore is proud of this would be Eco-Terrorist? Glad they shot the scumbag.

  25. McFeely Smackup

    Well, THAT was the shortest reality TV show ever.

    ratings were good though.

  26. Randal(l)

    except for the whole strapping yourself with bombs, holding people hostage, and being nutty as an elephants turd, I agree with this guy. Filthy human children are the worst thing ever, but god forbid you say anything negative about the little shits lest you offend their asshole parents. “oh, my baby is the most wonderful thing ever , look at it, look at it.” Fuck You, your baby is an asshole with a bag of its own shit tied to its waist that offers nothing to society.

    Randal(l)

  27. Jennga

    My literal first thought when I heard about this today on the radio (Silver Spring is like 10 minutes from me) was “I mean, I was upset about shark week ending too, but seriously, dude…” Then I saw The Superficial writer posted shark week stuff, and I was like DAMNIT! Dude stole my joke! Whatevs, still posted it on my facebook…

  28. captain america

    pssssst: HE HAD A BAD HAIRCUT ANYWAY.

  29. Blech

    How come no one seems THIS bothered by the Octomom?

    HOW come?

  30. rough diplomacy

    This dude, done stole my idea about MTV.

  31. kpatra

    yeah it sounds like the guy was onto something.

  32. Sizzle

    No bullshit, I LIVE in Silver Spring, about 2 blocks from this building. I can see it from the window of my apartment. This was about the most exciting that’s every happened in Silver Spring, save for the Discovery Channel headquarters moving there…

    I agree with the guy. Discovery’s shows now are limited to “reality” BS about people who pump out an obnoxious amount of children, who pawn shit, and who crawl around in the dirt all day. Are Americans really that retarded that they find this crap entertaining? Fuck you, Discovery. You used to play awesome/interesting/thought-provoking documentaries. Now it’s all dumbed-down BS.

  33. m

    my first thought when i read about this yesterday on CNN was definitely ‘wrong network asshole, the kids are on TLC!’ until my husband was like duh TLC is owned by discovery…fail

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