Jessica Simpson Has Legs? HOLY SHIT

By: The Superficial / December 22, 2014
Just to give you an idea of how rough it's going to be over the next few days, Jessica Simpson's legs are a top story right now. A human woman possessing two lower limbs. That's the news right now. Not the fact that Jessica Simpson's letting everyone know she's … More »

Kourtney Kardashian’s Baby Is Our King Apparently

By: The Superficial / December 22, 2014
Because she's the hot one, I like to pretend Kourtney Kardashian is better than the rest of her family except that requires ignoring the fact she keeps letting Scott Disick put babies in her. Which gets harder and harder to do after each kid because they're up to three now, and … More »

Good Morning, Cassie Cardelle, And Other News

By: The Superficial / December 22, 2014
- Gwyneth Paltrow's into Tantra now. [Lainey Gossip] - Scott Disick seems really, really awesome to be the person you can't stop having kids with. [Fishwrapper] - Elton John and Lance Bass had competing weddings. I'll let an expert handle this. [Dlisted] - The Strong And Flexible Caitlin Rice … More »

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 4.33

By: The Superficial / December 20, 2014
Welcome to this week's installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, and possibly the last one for the year unless you fuckers bring it over the holiday like you did this week which I'm not at all ruling out. On that note, huge thanks for one of the best assortments we've … More »

Marissa Mayer Wouldn’t Hire Gwyneth Paltrow Without A College Degree

By: The Superficial / December 19, 2014
While this story is ultimately one of many piss-poor business decisions that will eventually drive Yahoo! into the ground, it does involve Gwyneth Paltrow being deemed "less than," so my pants are already off. This is happening, people. Just embrace it. The New York Times reports: Even though the actress Gwyneth … More »

Charli XCX’s Breasts Are Back

By: The Superficial / December 19, 2014
I still don't know who or what a Charli XCX is, or why her name is a Bratz doll, but I do know you people will click the hell out of her breasts, so here they are at the Jingle Ball in Chicago last night because I show you … More »

Stephen Collins: ‘I’m Not A Pedophile’

By: The Superficial / December 19, 2014
To most people, when you force three young girls roughly ten years of age to pleasure you sexually, that's basically the exact definition of a pedophile. But if you're Stephen Collins, flawed human being who's been forgiven by the love of Christ, that doesn't count. You're merely a person who gave into "distortion … More »

Kate Upton Wins ‘Sexiest Woman’ At PEOPLE Awards

By: The Superficial / December 19, 2014
Kate Upton won the PEOPLE Magazine Award for Sexiest Woman last night and couldn't look more boring doing it, but you'll notice that didn't stop me from posting about it, or PEOPLE from finding literally anybody else, because we both bow at the altar of SEO. It is the one true … More »

George Clooney: ‘Hollywood Pussied Out’

By: The Superficial / December 19, 2014
A week before almost every major theater chain in America backed out of showing The Interview because hackers said the words "9/11" causing Sony Pictures to pull the movie theatrically and VOD so it could file an insurance claim, and protect itself from liability on the extremely off-chance that … More »

Good Morning, Vicky Pattison, And Other News

By: The Superficial / December 19, 2014
- Burt Macklin: Velociraptor Cop: Justice just got a new name. [Lainey Gossip] - Legolas wants to do Lord of The Rings porn. The world needs three hours of dongs going in! [Fishwrapper] - Jennifer Aniston grouchy? Inconceivable. [Dlisted] - If You Like Tattoos, Get Over Here [ … More »

The Crap We Missed – Thursday 12.18.14

By: Photo Boy / December 18, 2014
Welcome to Thursday's The Crap We Missed, starting with what it would look like if heroin could wear a bikini, because this is a classy institute of journalism, not two men in their thirties who've been preoccupied all day with Hilary Duff's butt resurfacing. *puts pins on giant map of Los Angeles, … More »

Jesus Forgave Stephen Collins, Everybody, It’s All Better Now!

By: The Superficial / December 18, 2014
As Stephen Collins continues his public tour to just explain to people that he only molested three kids, so it's really not that bad, one of his victims has come forward and justifiably shat all over his claims that it was just a "spontaneous touching" and apologizing to them personally would just reopen … More »

Bill Cosby Paid ‘Fat Albert’ Writers To Write His Doctoral Thesis

By: The Superficial / December 18, 2014
After obtaining his doctoral degree from UMass, Bill Cosby made it a point to be an extra special asshole about it and demanded everyone refer to him as "Dr. Cosby" even though the validity of that degree was being called into question as early as 1985. Which didn't stop him from … More »

Alessandra Ambrosio Topless And Stripping Down To Her Panties, Anyone?

By: The Superficial / December 18, 2014
I've got posts about a child molester and an alleged rapist coming up, so for something less depressing here's Alessandra Ambrosio stripping for LOVE Magazine's Advent 2014 which means Lindsay Lohan's shitty video was sandwiched between a world-class supermodel and Emily Ratajkowski making it even … More »

Madonna Compares Album Leak To ‘Rape’ And ‘Terrorism’ Because Madonna

By: The Superficial / December 18, 2014
For the past month and a half, there's been a prominent discussion highlighting the trouble women go through to have their rape accusations taken seriously, and just two days ago the Taliban attacked a school in Pakistan leaving over 140 children dead, so naturally the air was right for … More »

Nicki Minaj’s Nipple Was On TV!

By: The Superficial / December 18, 2014
A major American film studio completely caved to North Korea-sponsored hackers essentially putting unprecedented power into the hands of anyone who can access rich people's emails, but that was 10 minutes ago. Now it's all about Nicki Minaj's nipple slip provided you count 1/4th of an areola as a … More »

Sony Cancelled ‘The Interview’ Because of North Korea or Something

By: The Superficial / December 18, 2014
If you somehow haven't heard by now, Sony Pictures cancelled The Interview, an upcoming comedy where James Franco and Seth Rogen assassinate Kim Jong-un, after a bunch of hackers called the "Guardians of The Galaxy" or some bullshit said the words 9/11 which naturally caused every theater … More »

Good Morning, Colleen Shannon, And Other News

By: The Superficial / December 18, 2014
- Selena Gomez came down with the drama in front of Beyonce. Girlfriennnddd... [Lainey Gossip] - Nicki Minaj is going to blow up dickheads. [Fishwrapper] - The time Alex Trebek almost quit Jeopardy because he was asked to have feelings. [Dlisted] - Wake Up With Jennifer [theCHIVE] … More »

Bertney & The Amazing Computer Magicked Bikini

By: The Superficial / December 17, 2014
Bertney And The Amazing Computer Magicked Berkini Belly A Positive Reinforcement Reader It was a very special day for Bertney. She was at the courthouse seeing the nice old judge who always had the best news to tell Papa. "Well, Mr. Spears," the judge said from his very tall wooden seat. "After watching the surveillance … More »

A Paris Hilton Panty Flash Post? Why Not?

By: The Superficial / December 17, 2014
In case you can't tell we're circling the holiday toilet for news, I already wrote about Lindsay Lohan today, and now here's Paris Hilton flashing her panties because it's 2006 again. (To top it off, this is me punting my way to a Bertney post to complete the trifecta.) … More »

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