Good Morning, Nicola McLean, And Other News

April 10th, 2014 // 3 Comments

- Johnny Depp is getting treated like Jennifer Garner now. [Lainey Gossip]

- Anne Hathaway singing rap songs. Goddammit… [Dlisted]

- Redheads, man… [theCHIVE]

- Kim Kardashian is still a vapid cunt. In case you were wondering. [Fishwrapper]

- Jennifer Lawrence was a good choice as Mystique. I take it all back. [Popoholic]

- Bob Saget is a good dad. [Starpulse]

- Lindsay Lohan prank called Oprah because she no longer fears death. [tooFab]

- Amber Heard‘s doing Marilyn Monroe photo shoots now. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Is Jordan Belfort a model? Then Leonardo DiCaprio doesn’t give a fuck. [FilmDrunk]

- Tara Reid‘s in a bikini. Kill it. KILL IT WITH FIRE. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photos: Fame/Flynet

It’s Minnie Driver In A Bikini

April 9th, 2014 // 34 Comments

Here’s Minnie Driver in a bikini because I hate you. There’s no other way to interpret this post. I pray and secretly hope for your death. There’s no denying it anymore. You’ve seen my hand.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News

That Topless Chick Who Destroyed A McDonald’s Just Wanted To Blow A Guy, NBD

April 9th, 2014 // 56 Comments
Sandra Suarez Topless McDonald's Woman
It Gets Better
Amanda Bynes Bikini
See? Look At Amanda Bynes Read More »

Yesterday, the Internet was captivated by the raccoon-like antics of a topless Florida woman who smashed her way through a McDonald’s before stopping to guzzle soft-serve right out of the machine and calling it a night. Turns out she wasn’t high or drunk or drunk and high, but was simply angered by an employee who refused to let her blow him the parking lot. There’s a logical explanation for everything. FOX 13 reports:

PPPD identified the woman as Sandra Suarez, 41. Officers say the tirade came after a McDonald’s employee turned down Suarez’s offer of oral sex in the parking lot.
Suarez was taken to Northside Hospital as a precaution, but police said doctors determined she wasn’t under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
She was charged with criminal mischief and resisting arrest, then was released on $7,000 bond.
Reached by FOX 13′s Steve Nichols on Tuesday, the mother of two blamed the tirade on bipolar disorder and she does not remember much of it.

When asked how she even knows if she’s bipolar, the woman replied, “I made a decision to move to Florida. That pretty much cinched it.” As for the employees who uploaded the video to LiveLeak, they’ve all been fired because McDonald’s hates joy and laughter. For God’s sake, their mascot’s a pedophile clown. I’M ONTO YOU!

Uncensored Security Footage After The Jump

Julia Louis-Dreyfus Is Naked

April 9th, 2014 // 49 Comments

Here’s Julia Louis-Dreyfus posing naked with the Constitution of the United States tattooed above her butt crack for the cover of Rolling Stone where she also says that Al Gore won the 2000 election because she’s clearly trying to bang Jimmy Carter. It’s so obvious.

Photo: Rolling Stone

Clarissa Explains Her Bikini Body

April 9th, 2014 // 23 Comments

Here’s Melissa Joan Hart showing off her new body thanks to Nutrisystem who apparently includes a free copy of Photoshop with every prepackaged meal. Except I’m willing to look past all of that for reasons including, but not limited to, dat ass, how much Clarissa hates Ashton Kutcher and the time she posed for Maxim: More »

Captain Janeway’s Not A Geocentrist, Everybody

April 9th, 2014 // 17 Comments
Captain Janeway

So yesterday, the Internet had a goddamn field day after finding out that Kate Mulgrew narrated a documentary that presupposes maybe the geocentric model wasn’t debunked? Turns out her, and basically everyone else in it, were tricked about the documentary’s content if not selectively edited into it without their knowledge. Here’s Captain Janeway’s statement on Facebook: More »

Good Morning, Amy Willerton, And Other News

April 9th, 2014 // 9 Comments

- Vanessa Hudgens is paid to go to Coachella by McDonald’s because Coachella is bullshit. [Lainey Gossip]

- Speaking of McDonald’s, here’s a topless woman destroying one looking for ice cream. [Dlisted]

- If You Like Tattoos Get In Here [theCHIVE]

- Simon Cowell feels bad about banging his best friend’s wife now. [Fishwrapper]

- Would You Have Sex With Paul Rudd? [The Frisky]

- Good God, Arianny Celeste… [Popoholic]

- Gwyneth Paltrow‘s still wearing her wedding ring. [Starpulse]

- Tim Burton‘s going to murder Jimmy Kimmel. [tooFab]

- Whoever the hell’s dressing Kate Upton needs to stop. [IDLYITW]

- What’s up, Rachel Barnes swimsuit photos? [Hollywood Tuna]

- Rob Lowe hates being so damn handsome. [Celebslam]

- Universal Studios is making a Fast & Furious ride. Of course. [FilmDrunk]

- Kim Kardashian‘s ass has to affect the tide, has to. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photos: Fame/Flynet