Kim Kardashian Wants A Flat Ass Now

December 15th, 2014 // 30 Comments

When she’s not cropping her daughter out of Instagram photos (little attention-stealing bitch), Kim Kardashian is apparently sitting around staring at Khloe’s ass and wondering why would anyone would ever want a butt that big because even Kim Kardashian is forgetting why the hell Kim Kardashian is famous. Via Fishwrapper:

“Khloe’s ass is so big, guys. She needs to lose a couple of pounds. … I want a flat ass, now.”

In related news, fracking shares jumped 85,000% percent as the industry prepares for “a chance to finally level a mountain without destroying the environment. — Ha! Just kidding. It’s full of sulfur and death. (Buy masks.)”

Photo: Vantagenews/Xposure/AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

What? It’s Justin Bieber Wrestling With His Bros, Bros Wrestle

December 15th, 2014 // 10 Comments

I only expect the black media to be neutral about this? I’m just gonna walk away now.

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Photos: AKM-GSI

Bill Cosby Just Played The Race Card

December 15th, 2014 // 43 Comments
Bill Cosby
'Bill Cosby Drugged Me'
Beverly Johnson
Beverly Johnson Comes Forward Read More »

Most people might not be aware of this, but Bill Cosby specifically made it a point not to address race relations while making The Cosby Show because mass audiences couldn’t “take it if we began to lay it out and tell the truth,” and so he left out all of that “anger and controversy” while conveniently becoming crazy-ass rich in the process. (How rich? Rich enough to try and buy NBC. The entire network.) Also, he wasn’t rocking any boats and giving people a reason to start looking under rape rocks. Except when Bill Cosby finally did address racism, he chastised African-Americans for listening to rap and not pulling up their pants. Which makes it especially ironic that he’s now turning to (and lecturing) the “black media” to protect him from the apparently racist mainstream who shielded his ass for decades by mere virtue of forgetting about his rape allegations because he was on a TV show everybody liked. It’s important to protect that image. Page Six reports:

Reached at his Massachusetts home, the star declined to address the rape and sex abuse allegations from an ever-growing list of women that now includes supermodel Beverly Johnson.
Instead, Cosby, 77, said that the African-American media β€” for which this reporter often writes β€” should be impartial.
β€œLet me say this. I only expect the black media to uphold the standards of excellence in journalism and when you do that you have to go in with a neutral mind,” Cosby said.

He also had some beautiful things to say about his wife is handling all of these things she has to have known about. Beverly Johnson fucking called her. More »

Mama June Offered $1 Million To Make A Sex Tape

December 15th, 2014 // 54 Comments
Mama June Sugar Bear
'TMZ Done Photoshopped Me!'
Mama June Shannon King King Bundy
(I Am So Sorry, King Kong Bundy) Read More »

“Y’all wanna watch us do it Jon Gosselin-syle?”

When we last left Mama June — you know what? This shit’s fucked up by itself. I’m not dredging that all up again. Roll the TMZ quote:

Mama June may have bugs in her feet, but she’s still sexy enough to pull a $1 million paycheck if she gets down in the mud with Sugar Bear in an epic, redneck sex tape.
Vivid Entertainment honcho Steve Hirsch has reached out to MJ and SB, offering them up to $1 MIL and maybe even more if they bang on camera for Vivid’s BBW site. Hirsch says to June, “We believe you would fit into that category.”

Scientifically speaking, how long would it take someone to pour gasoline around the Earth? Follow-up question, would it be easier just to steal a nuke? Time is a factor.

UPDATE: She turned it down. Cancel the launch sequence!

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Photos: Splash News

A Child Has Shed Its Hayden Panettiere Cocoon

December 15th, 2014 // 7 Comments

Fun Fact: This pic is from August. Four months ago August. She’s dead. She died.

In defiance of the laws of physics, Hayden Panettiere gave birth to a baby girl, Kaya Evdokia, last Tuesday, according to PEOPLE, who spoke very little about Hayden’s current state because housewives don’t want to read about a severed torso with two giant legs sticking out of it walking around Moscow. But don’t worry, the beast’s head-tooth should crack the mother-shell soon. I looked it up. Along with the fastest way to chop down a beanstalk. What? We’re all thinking it.

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Photo: Getty, MPNC/AKM-GSI, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Good Morning, Kat Torres, And Other News

December 15th, 2014 // 8 Comments

- Brad Pitt‘s hit by the Sony email leaks now. [Lainey Gossip]

- Tori Spelling is a goddamn crazy person. In case that wasn’t clear. [Fishwrapper]

- George Clooney doesn’t take bad reviews well. [Dlisted]

- Sunday Is A Good Day For Lingerie [theCHIVE]

- Remember when Liam Neeson was a respected Hollywood actor with dignity? [The Frisky]

- Those are Pamela Anderson‘s nipples. [WWTDD]

- Uber: “How can we make money off this hostage situation? Think, think…” [Death and Taxes]

- Megan Fox‘s camel toe, anyone? [Popoholic]

- Emma Watson is single. [IDLYITW]

- Natalie Dormer‘s cleavage is very talented. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Top 40 Sexiest Instagrams of The Week [COED]

- Emily Ratajkowski‘s sex scene from Gone Girl, anyone? [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Fame/Flynet

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 4.32

December 13th, 2014 // 46 Comments

Welcome to another sporadic installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, our (bi/tri/BBW-)weekly roundup of all the horrible shit you people say in the comments. You’ll notice there’s a few comments from last week’s post, so just to jog your memory Shia LaBeouf tried to say he was raped during his “performance art” piece, Stephen Hawking wants to be a Bond villain and Usher charged his phone with a woman’s vagina which probably explains why Justin Bieber is blonde now. I’ve seen Powder.

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The Crap We Missed – Friday 12.12.14

December 12th, 2014 // 321 Comments

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed which is kind of like a schadenfreude greatest hits today with repeat favorites like Russell Brand talking to his dick, Hot Donna‘s ass in yoga pants, and Madonna‘s gross, partially naked old lady parts. Think of clicking through this gallery like being at your favorite restaurant, but instead of going inside, you just stare into the window at everyone eating and make fun of their entirely normal lives.

“HA! That guy seated at a table with a woman is wearing fashionable clothing and eating a salad. NOT FOOLING US, BUDDY, AMIRITE?! *raises hand for high fives* Guys…anyone? Why does my chest hurt?”

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Splash News