Kate Upton’s Breasts Shill Free-To-Play Games Now

November 14th, 2014 // 10 Comments
Kate Upton Breasts Game of War
WATCH: Kate Upton - 'Game of War' Trailer

Last week’s South Park episode amazingly shit all over freemium games as it should. Except here are Kate Upton‘s bouncing breasts telling me to play one which I’m probably going to do because the sole purpose of a penis is to bankrupt and ultimately kill whoever it’s attached to. Think of it like Superman and Lex Luthor except Lex Luthor can control Superman’s every thought and action and convince him condoms are made of Kryptonite. (I call my penis Lex Luthor. Is that weird?)

Adding… Emily Ratajkowski scored Call of Duty. Is Kate Upton going to take that lying down? *grabs popcorn*

Mama June: ‘TMZ Photoshopped Me Next To A Child Molester’

November 14th, 2014 // 11 Comments
Mama June Shannon King King Bundy
Pumpkin's Real Dad
Mama June Shannon
He's A Different Child Molester, You Guys, Calm Down Read More »

Mama June has been working the talk show circuit to clear her name and make money after she basically forced TLC to cancel Here Comes Honey Boo Boo by leaving Sugar Bear for her ex-boyfriend convicted child molester Mark McDaniel who, by the way, also raped her daughter Anna Cardwell when she was eight. And that’s just the awful tip of this shit iceberg. So now she’s taken her traveling circus to Dr. Phil where she accused TMZ of Photoshopping the picture of her with McDaniel which makes no sense because here’s an entire photo gallery of them together. TMZ reports:

Mama June did a sit-down with Dr. Phil Wednesday and claimed TMZ doctored the pic showing her in a hotel room with convicted child molester Mark McDaniel.
Phil gets heated with June … calling her out on her allegation. As we reported, we were told June was sneaking away from the production of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” to have secret rendezvous with McDaniel.

On top of that, Mama June told Dr. Phil she would never let her children have contact with “someone like that” which entirely contradicts her interview with Entertainment Tonight where she claims she only let him see Pumpkin twice to prove he’s not her father because June Shannon is a white trash Golgothan. A congealed blob of Southern shit that I honestly feel bad associating with WWF Superstar King Kong Bundy, but I couldn’t find a hi-res photo of Pearl the Record Keeper from Blade, so I had to move quickly. You were a beautiful victim in a terrible war, KKB. You deserved better.

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Photo: WWE

Michelle Lewin Has A Butt, Too, And Other News

November 14th, 2014 // 19 Comments

- Mila Kunis does not have post-partum depression. Don’t be assholes. [Lainey Gossip]

- Why does Jennifer Aniston have one satin-wrapped tit out? [Dlisted]

- Congratulations, Kylie Jenner, you look like the oldest Kardashian now. [Fishwrapper]

- Kim Kardashian‘s ass is a Keurig now. [theCHIVE]

- Taylor Swift took Amanda Seyfried to her first basketball game. She was not a fan. [The Frisky]

- Emily Ratajkowski‘s in lingerie. [WWTDD]

- Chrissy Teigen‘s underboob that I forgot to post. [The Superficial]

- Apparently Chelsea Handler draws the line at showing vaj. [Death and Taxes]

- Adriana Lima and Alessandra Ambrosio are still hot as hell. [Popoholic]

- What’s up, Stella Maxwell? [Hollywood Tuna]

- Nicole Trunfio only whips her boob out under chandeliers. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Splash News

Amanda Bynes Was Never Homeless, Let’s Stop Believing Her Shit

November 13th, 2014 // 23 Comments
Amanda Bynes Purple Hair
'You Can Live With Me!'
Heidi Montag Bikini
Said The Giant Balloon Tit Lady Read More »

After being photographed sleeping inside a mall, it’s just been assumed that Amanda Bynes is homeless because her parents have a conservatorship over her finances. Plus Heidi Montag‘s huge cartoon tits offered her a place to stay, and it seemed like a good idea to believe them and give them my social security number. Anyway, turns out Amanda Bynes isn’t homeless, and her parents have been paying for an apartment this whole time, but she just doesn’t like it. Which might have to do with the fact she’s been trashing the shit out of it. TMZ reports: More »

Jennifer Lawrence Can’t Take More Naked Pictures If You Kill Her, People

November 13th, 2014 // 9 Comments

Here’s Jennifer Lawrence outside The Late Show with David Letterman where later that night, she’d walk over to sign some fan’s autographs only to have them kick down a metal barrier, sending her fleeing to her car. And if you think I’m going to try and pin this on the fuckers at 4chan who hacked her Wikipedia page after she called The Fappening a sex crime, don’t be ridiculous. This shit required physical activity, direct human contact, and exposure to outdoor elements. Big Bird’s a more likely suspect. — And lives in New York. Hear me out…

Jennifer Lawrence Runs From Fans Outside Letterman After The Jump

Katy Perry’s Boyfriend Wants To Crowdfund A Booty Onto Taylor Swift

November 13th, 2014 // 57 Comments

Despite promising myself an ass hiatus after yesterday’s 2014 Buttella Festival, I still have precious SEO to milk into my mouth, so here’s Katy Perry‘s boyfriend publicly insulting the spot where Taylor Swift‘s butt should be:

As for why Diplo would do something like this, Katy Perry has big breasts and hates Taylor Swift, so it’s a miracle he didn’t murder her like a good boyfriend would’ve by now. (Call me.) In the meantime, Lorde has apparently come to Taylor’s defense with a comeback the Internet can’t trip over itself fast enough to praise: More »