Mama June: ‘TMZ Photoshopped Me Next To A Child Molester’

November 14th, 2014 // 11 Comments
Mama June Shannon King King Bundy
Pumpkin's Real Dad
Mama June Shannon
He's A Different Child Molester, You Guys, Calm Down Read More »

Mama June has been working the talk show circuit to clear her name and make money after she basically forced TLC to cancel Here Comes Honey Boo Boo by leaving Sugar Bear for her ex-boyfriend convicted child molester Mark McDaniel who, by the way, also raped her daughter Anna Cardwell when she was eight. And that’s just the awful tip of this shit iceberg. So now she’s taken her traveling circus to Dr. Phil where she accused TMZ of Photoshopping the picture of her with McDaniel which makes no sense because here’s an entire photo gallery of them together. TMZ reports:

Mama June did a sit-down with Dr. Phil Wednesday and claimed TMZ doctored the pic showing her in a hotel room with convicted child molester Mark McDaniel.
Phil gets heated with June … calling her out on her allegation. As we reported, we were told June was sneaking away from the production of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” to have secret rendezvous with McDaniel.

On top of that, Mama June told Dr. Phil she would never let her children have contact with “someone like that” which entirely contradicts her interview with Entertainment Tonight where she claims she only let him see Pumpkin twice to prove he’s not her father because June Shannon is a white trash Golgothan. A congealed blob of Southern shit that I honestly feel bad associating with WWF Superstar King Kong Bundy, but I couldn’t find a hi-res photo of Pearl the Record Keeper from Blade, so I had to move quickly. You were a beautiful victim in a terrible war, KKB. You deserved better.

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Photo: WWE

Michelle Lewin Has A Butt, Too, And Other News

November 14th, 2014 // 19 Comments

- Mila Kunis does not have post-partum depression. Don’t be assholes. [Lainey Gossip]

- Why does Jennifer Aniston have one satin-wrapped tit out? [Dlisted]

- Congratulations, Kylie Jenner, you look like the oldest Kardashian now. [Fishwrapper]

- Kim Kardashian‘s ass is a Keurig now. [theCHIVE]

- Taylor Swift took Amanda Seyfried to her first basketball game. She was not a fan. [The Frisky]

- Emily Ratajkowski‘s in lingerie. [WWTDD]

- Chrissy Teigen‘s underboob that I forgot to post. [The Superficial]

- Apparently Chelsea Handler draws the line at showing vaj. [Death and Taxes]

- Adriana Lima and Alessandra Ambrosio are still hot as hell. [Popoholic]

- What’s up, Stella Maxwell? [Hollywood Tuna]

- Nicole Trunfio only whips her boob out under chandeliers. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Splash News

Amanda Bynes Was Never Homeless, Let’s Stop Believing Her Shit

November 13th, 2014 // 23 Comments
Amanda Bynes Purple Hair
'You Can Live With Me!'
Heidi Montag Bikini
Said The Giant Balloon Tit Lady Read More »

After being photographed sleeping inside a mall, it’s just been assumed that Amanda Bynes is homeless because her parents have a conservatorship over her finances. Plus Heidi Montag‘s huge cartoon tits offered her a place to stay, and it seemed like a good idea to believe them and give them my social security number. Anyway, turns out Amanda Bynes isn’t homeless, and her parents have been paying for an apartment this whole time, but she just doesn’t like it. Which might have to do with the fact she’s been trashing the shit out of it. TMZ reports: More »

Jennifer Lawrence Can’t Take More Naked Pictures If You Kill Her, People

November 13th, 2014 // 9 Comments

Here’s Jennifer Lawrence outside The Late Show with David Letterman where later that night, she’d walk over to sign some fan’s autographs only to have them kick down a metal barrier, sending her fleeing to her car. And if you think I’m going to try and pin this on the fuckers at 4chan who hacked her Wikipedia page after she called The Fappening a sex crime, don’t be ridiculous. This shit required physical activity, direct human contact, and exposure to outdoor elements. Big Bird’s a more likely suspect. — And lives in New York. Hear me out…

Jennifer Lawrence Runs From Fans Outside Letterman After The Jump

Katy Perry’s Boyfriend Wants To Crowdfund A Booty Onto Taylor Swift

November 13th, 2014 // 57 Comments

Despite promising myself an ass hiatus after yesterday’s 2014 Buttella Festival, I still have precious SEO to milk into my mouth, so here’s Katy Perry‘s boyfriend publicly insulting the spot where Taylor Swift‘s butt should be:

As for why Diplo would do something like this, Katy Perry has big breasts and hates Taylor Swift, so it’s a miracle he didn’t murder her like a good boyfriend would’ve by now. (Call me.) In the meantime, Lorde has apparently come to Taylor’s defense with a comeback the Internet can’t trip over itself fast enough to praise: More »

Mama June: ‘Pumpkin’s Father Is A Different Child Molester, Alright?’

November 13th, 2014 // 20 Comments
Mama June Shannon
Mother of The Year
Mama June Shannon Chet Weird Science
The Mama June Shit Is Still Getting Worse Read More »

I’m going to be completely honest here. After yesterday’s Kim Kardashian Naked FUPA Emporium, I actually miss these simple country folks, and their horrifying shit-pit of codependency filled with child molesters. It’s practically quaint. But enough about why I have tears in my ears, here’s Mama June explaining to Entertainment Tonight why Mark McDaniel, the man who molested her daughter Anna Cardwell when she was only eight, has really been around her family which she claims has only been two times. And, no, it’s not because he’s Pumpkin‘s real father. That’s a different child molester, alright? You guys make such a big deal out of nothing.

Shannon also revealed for the first time her claim that Pumpkin’s biological father is also the father of her 18-year-old daughter Jessica [Chubbs]. His name is Michael Anthony Ford, he is a convicted sex offender who served time for sexual exploitation of minors after being caught on To Catch a Predator in 2005.
“Jessica and Pumpkin have the same dad, but Jessica’s dad has had nothing to do with her over the years,” Shannon said. “So, why the hell would I open up that can of worms until today? I lied to my family and told them it was somebody else.”
As for whether Mama June understands why people were so upset over her being seen with McDaniel, she says, “I understand that… and honestly it’s not like I’m seeing him everyday, I promise… I wanted to be able to give one of my other daughters closure and now Pumpkin is happy, that piece of our life is over.”

So let’s pull this bullshit apart piece by piece: More »

Good Morning, Colleen Shannon, And Other News

November 13th, 2014 // 7 Comments

- Maybe Joaquin Phoenix could’ve handled being in the Marvel machine. [Lainey Gossip]

- Leonardo DiCaprio‘s birthday party was 80% models. Of course. [Dlisted]

- Niecy Nash knows the secret to a happy marriage and it’s blowjays. Constant blowjays. [Fishwrapper]

- Why Would You Ever Get Out of Bed? [theCHIVE]

- Naya Rivera did not care for Kim Kardashian‘s butt. [The Frisky]

- Vladimir Putin‘s coming for your wife, son. [WWTDD]

- Meanwhile back in Mother Russia, women are shitting themselves mid-twerk. [Death and Taxes]

- And Olivia Wilde snapped back from having a baby. [Popoholic]

- What’s up, Nadine Leopold? [Hollywood Tuna]

- Alyssa Barbara is from Canada and has big breasts. These are facts. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Fame/Flynet

Kim Kardashian’s Vagina Is Naked Now

November 12th, 2014 // 93 Comments

Apparently her naked ass wasn’t enough to #BreakTheInternet, so here’s Kim Kardashian going full frontal for Paper where I’m guess they’re hoping her FUPA will get the job done even though we already saw Kate Upton‘s and with a baseball player’s semen on it. Does Kim Kardashian’s FUPA have a baseball player’s semen on it? These are things the Internet needs to know before it just lets somebody break it. It’s not a whore, Kim.

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Photos: Jean-Paul Goude / Paper

Kim Kardashian Is Showing Off Her Ass Before She Gets Pregnant Again

November 12th, 2014 // 49 Comments
Goddammit, Chelsea Handler
Chelsea Handler Naked Butt Kim Kardashian
Put Your Naked Butt Away, Too Read More »

So remember the beginning of Raiders of The Lost Ark when Indiana Jones is running away from the giant boulder? Picture my day exactly like that except Indy just turns around and goes, “Aw, fuck it.” TMZ reports:

Kim Kardashian shot the instantly iconic ass photo because it’s her last stand before getting pregnant again … TMZ has learned.
We know Kim is telling close friends and family she’s about to get pregnant again, and wants to show off her body before the weight gain. She’s proud she dumped the weight after North was born and wants to show her tight figure off.

What’s every single post about? KIM KARDASHIAN’S NAKED BUTT. Who’s texting you? KIM KARDASHIAN’S NAKED BUTT. What’s that on TV? KIM KARDASHIAN’S NAKED BUTT. Who’s messaging you on Facebook? KIM KARDASHIAN’S NAKED BUTT. What do you want for dinner? KIM KARDASHIAN’S NAKED BUTT. Who’s the greatest NBA player of all time? KIM KARDASHIAN’S NAKED BUTT. KIM KARDASHIAN’S NAKED BUTT. KIM KARDASHIAN’S NAKED BUTT!

And we’ve officially broke the FISHernet: More »