Comic-Con Day 1: Hope You Like Chins

July 25th, 2014 // 17 Comments

Comic-Con officially started yesterday, and the excitement was palpable provided your idea of excitement is looking at chins because literally two of the biggest stories are chin hair-based. I’m not even joking. So here’s a quick rundown of Day 1, and all the lower portion of the face information that dwells within:

Comic-Con: Day 1 After The Jump

Stop Fapping To Jennette McCurdy’s Sexy Instagrams, Gross Boys

July 24th, 2014 // 19 Comments

Above are Jennette McCurdy‘s leaked photos that I posted just so I had an excuse to write “Jennette McCurdy leaked photos” and make a million Internet dollars. (Redeemable for one free cat photo.) And below is her latest Instagram photo because Sam & Cat is officially cancelled, so it’s not like Nickelodeon can fire her for sexy pictures twice. She’d also prefer it if gross boys don’t look at it and go “fap fap fap” because it’s clearly an artistic expression of her butt in case you couldn’t tell by the caption:

#nofilter #datass #fapfapfap #eww #boysaregross

And Jennette’s right. Can’t a girl pose seductively in her panties on the Internet without some jerk getting an erection in the privacy of his own home? Or is this one of those times when I’m supposed to check my privilege? She’s in her underwear on Instagram! It’s not like dudes are breaking into her house. *hides grappling hook*

Jennette McCurdy’s Butt Instagram After The Jump

No One Ever Suspects Her Majesty’s Photobomb

July 24th, 2014 // 7 Comments
Queen Elizabeth Photobomb

While this post doesn’t directly involve Prince Charles, it does involve the vagina he was pulled from like a crying, squirming Excalibur, so close enough. *high fives Photo Boy* Here’s Her Royal Majesty photobombing an Australian field hockey team this morning because somebody gave her an Iphone for her birthday, and now all she talks about are lulz and subreddits. The other day they caught her making Sad Jack White memes in the middle of a knighting ceremony. Poor bugger nearly lost an ear.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

The Butts of Leonardo DiCaprio’s Past And Present

July 24th, 2014 // 5 Comments

Above are bikini photos of Leonardo DiCaprio‘s girlfriend Toni Garrn going for a swim in St. Tropez presumably after a morning of watching him karate kick the poopdeck. (That sentence was way more full of sexual intrigue than I intended.) And below is Cameron Diaz‘s ass literally dying while on vacation with Benji Madden, so picture that the next time you want to criticize Leo for dumping his girlfriends the second they turn 23. He’s done the research. One time I even saw him wear goggles.

Photo: CIAO/AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News

Zack Snyder Made Superman A Sith. Of Course.

July 24th, 2014 // 8 Comments
Superman Jedi
Rain Is Totes Serious
Henry Cavill Batman V Superman
And Superman Is Very Dark And Serious.
And Dark. Read More »

For reasons known only to Zack Snyder, Henry Cavill, and Ben Affleck dressed like Princess Leia (not pictured), here’s Superman holding a lightsaber which Zack Snyder oddly tweeted last night along with the hashtag #SuperJedi because the man responsible for the DC Cinematic Universe doesn’t even know the difference between a Jedi and a Sith. Then again, he also made a movie where Pa Kent told a young Clark Kent to let a bus full of schoolkids die, and then got murdered by a tornado to prove his point about never saving anyone. Ever. I’d hyperventilate into an inhaler right now if my untouched penis didn’t just crumble into dust all over my office chair. This’ll never come out.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Nicki Minaj Has A Butt, Not Sure If You Knew

July 24th, 2014 // 42 Comments
Nicki Minaj Butt Anaconda

Here’s the cover for Nicki Minaj‘s new single “Anaconda” which apparently is a song written by and for her butt. Or it’s about the metaphysical struggle between the dueling natures of humanity. You know what? I bet it’s that. You can tell by the shoes.

Nicki Minaj’s ‘Anaconda’ Cover After The Jump

LeAnn Rimes & Eddie Cibrian Told His Kids About Their Affair

July 24th, 2014 // 13 Comments
Is That Shit Poop?
LeAnn Rimes Bikini
A Serious Investigative Report Read More »

And in a week, they’ll tell them about this one. Having kids is great!

I don’t know how young is too young to tell a child daddy got tired of having sex with mommy and that’s why they live with a skeleton woman now, but apparently LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian felt ages 7 and 11 were good enough. In Touch Weekly reports:

“We’ve had discussions with them about the whole situation,” Eddie says in the new issue of Life & Style, on stands now, of their honesty with Mason, 11, and Jake, 7, about their infidelity. “They understand more than you think they do,” LeAnn adds.

I’m pretty sure they don’t, LeAnn Rimes, because they’re 7 and 11. But if they do somehow understand, your bedroom door has a lock. Fucking use it. In the meantime, how did that conversation even go? More »

Charisma Carpenter’s Naked

July 24th, 2014 // 30 Comments

While the entire Internet’s a flutter over Mommy Porn: The Movie and all the pube-pulling that dwells within, intrepid journalist Kevin alerted me to Charisma Carpenter tweeting a nude photo of herself last night to celebrate her birthday. How old is she? It doesn’t matter years old. why would you even ask me that? Or still be reading this? I linked to Edward Cullen Fisting Pants and a naked woman. There was something for everybody. Go. Get. Skedaddle.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter